My wedding is in about 8 months. I have decided that I am not having my father walk me down the aisle. This is for two reasons:

1. My 9 year old son will be walking me down the aisle.

2. MY FATHER AND I DO NOT GET ALONG. My mom even said that my father and I do not really have a relationship.

My fiancé and I really want my son to be part of the wedding. What a better way to include him than walking me down the aisle? Also, this is by no means going to be a traditional wedding. We are OK with this (I mean I'm having a Man of Honor instead of a Maid of Honor)

The problem is that I have not told my father that he will not be walking me down the aisle. What do you think would be the best way to do this? Also, my older brother found out and is throwing a fit. He hasn't said anything to me about it, but he has said enough to my mom. Now, there is quite a age difference between my older brother and I (8 years) He was never really around to see how my father treats me so he really doesn't understand what kind of relationship my father and I have. What do you think would be the best way to tell him to stop throwing a fit. It's my day and this is how I want it. I just wish that he would try to understand and support his little sister with the decisions I choose.

Its your wedding, you happy day, do it the way you want. And you should tell your father as soon as possible. AND try not to tell him on the day of the wedding. Just let him know that you don't feel that he was a father to you so you do not want him to talk you down the aisle. And your son can always be the ring barrier if you decide to let your father walk you down th aisle.

I wouldn't tell him "I'm sorry but I just don't think of you as much of a father figure...", I would tell him something more on the lines of what you said in the body of your post. This is not a traditional wedding, etc... Explain some of the non-traditional parts of your wedding to him and that-that is why he is not walking you down the isle. I would leave the part of "...because we never really got a long and...etc".

Does almost everyone else in your immediate family have a part in the wedding? If so, maybe you can place your father as the person who has everyone sign the guest book, or something along the lines of that.

This is just a suggestion. I would just make sure to invite him. You never know. Sometimes events like these can possibly bring back some kind of reconciliation between you two that neither of you thought was ever possible.

Good luck to you. And congratulations on your big day.

I was planning on telling him sometime soon. I wasn't going to wait until the last minute.

As far as the immediate family. The mom's are lighting the candles for the unity candle, our brothers are ushers, and our sisters are in the wedding party. I want my dad to be there - just not walking me down the aisle. I think that part is very important and I want someone extremely important to do that - MY SON!

As far as a reconciliation - I see my father almost every day. I work in the same town as where my parents live (they are still married and living together) so I go there for lunch. We barely speak to each other. When we do speak, we usually end up fighting. For everything that man has put me though, there will NEVER be a reconciliation.

You do not have to have your Father walk you down the aisle. Walking the bride down the aisle is an honor and to be bestowed upon someone the bride chooses. Your son sounds ideal. If your Father and Mother bring up the traditional song about the Father walking his daughter down the aisle, you can simply say that if you would have had a traditional Father, maybe your feelings would be different. But you honestly do not have to get into a big explanation.

This is your wedding and your plans and best of luck in getting it all accomplished and enjoy the day.

How about this? Explain that your wedding will be non-traditional and think of even a few more unique things you can do to make it so. Then explain to your father how much your son means to you and how he has changed your life for the better. THEN give your father X number of choices of roles he can play at the wedding and even at the reception. It might be the sugar that helps the medicine go down if he gets to choose, and not just ask him to do a certain thing of your choice. Also, ask him for his advice on something, such as favors for the male guests (or whatever). That way he may even feel like he's part of the planning process.

All you have to do is say "I want my son to walk me down the aisle"
It doesn't have to be a personal issue everyone knows about regarding your dad. If someone tries, just keep bringing the focus back to your son and the special place you want him to have next to you.

Tell dad it means a lot to have your son be your escort, but you'd love him to ___ (dance, say a dinner prayer, etc... best give him a job though. ;) )

Okay - I will probably be your lone voice of dissent, but not for what you expect.

I don't think your son should walk you down the aisle simply because in the ceremony he is "giving you away." I have always seen that as closing one chapter in a proverbial book and opening another. The woman stops being a daughter and starts being a wife. I guess in my mind I have always seen it as the bond of husband and wife now takes precedent over the father - daughter relationship. The whole "giving away" thing seems like you are moving away from your son which from your explanation is the last thing you want to do. How about making him your Man of Honor who could stand up beside you rather than give you away?

I also did not have my father give me away (and didn't invite him, either) due to similar situations.

My intentions are not to offend, I was just offering my opinion.

That's a good point, emland. Maybe instead of "giving away," the question asked by the officiating person could be "Who is willing to share this woman with this man?"

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Originally Posted by Emland

Okay - I will probably be your lone voice of dissent, but not for what you expect.

I don't think your son should walk you down the aisle simply because in the ceremony he is "giving you away." I have always seen that as closing one chapter in a proverbial book and opening another. The woman stops being a daughter and starts being a wife. I guess in my mind I have always seen it as the bond of husband and wife now takes precedent over the father - daughter relationship. The whole "giving away" thing seems like you are moving away from your son which from your explanation is the last thing you want to do. How about making him your Man of Honor who could stand up beside you rather than give you away?

I also did not have my father give me away (and didn't invite him, either) due to similar situations.

My intentions are not to offend, I was just offering my opinion.

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Oh no - you did not offend. I've had many people bring this up to.

I guess I'm not looking at it as my son "giving me away". I'm looking at it as he is walking with me towards both our futures.