Hello everyone.

Don't want to start a war on this one, but I guess it's a very opinionated topic...
Do nice guys really finish last?

Some of you may know I recently broke up with my ex, I was pretty much a nice guy to her. I feel this may have been the reason as to why she didn't respect me as much. It was as though she looked at me as a door mat a lot of the time, if I were to stand up for myself it would end in a fight a lot of the time. Not sure if this was due to her needing to mature, or whether it was in me perhaps needing to make it more challenging and working on myself too keep her on her toes? ( Maybe I got to involved in her life and not enough of my own). But I feel whenever I did try to do this she would crack it and a fight would start either way.

What do you guys think?
Because now this subject has got me stuck on how I should be to the next girl in my life that I meet. A lot off people say ohhhhhh just be yourself as you are... the right one will appreciate you ( I'm starting not to believe that a lot ). The rest say NO, you got to be more about yourself, make it a challenge for her as women love a challenge and it keeps them going/chasing and they stay interested that way... but it all sounds too much like a game for me... that's not how it's meant to be is it?

I think kindness is the wisdom of life.
Real-world “nice guys” help old ladies across the street, lend neighbors their power tools, and treat friends to dinner, while dating “nice guys” are routinely dumped (“You're a nice guy, Harold, but it's just not working for me.”) or heard loudly defending themselves in bars (“I'm a nice guy, aren't I? I guess she wants to date someone who treats her badly.”). THAT IS NOT FAIR!
Yes, in there are lots of women date the bad guys, but you can't generalize all women's behavior.
I am a female, have never been able to understand why my friends like to date bad guys!LOL, those girls cry when they get hurt from the bad guys. I don't think they deserve it, but hey, they want it. I can't help with them! :D
Nice guys might are less aggressive, that might be they are lack of dating experiece. Which is a good thing for some women, not all.
I can tell you like a nice guy.:)
Be confident, you will find the right one. THE SMART WOMEN WANT TO START WITH THE RIGHT THINGS! :)

Nice guys don't finish last doormats finish last. There is a big difference between the two. A nice guy treats his girlfriend with respect and shows her he cares about her. He allows her space and understands that a relationship does not need to be clingy. He acts like a gentleman and is an all around respectful guy.

A doormat gives into whatever the girl wants, never stands up for himself, thinks he has no value as a person, is all over the girlfriend constantly thinking that constant togetherness is the key to the good relationship.

No one wants to be smothered. I've dated plenty of nice guys and anyone who treats me badly gets dumped. Girls who have low self esteem want someone to treat them badly. Immature girls want someone who acts elusive and acts like they don't want her. In my opinion girls want bad guys and women want good guys.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LUK3Y

Hello everyone.

Don't want to start a war on this one, but i guess it's a very opinionated topic...
Do nice guys really finish last?

Some of you may know i recently broke up with my ex, i was pretty much a nice guy to her. I feel this may have been the reason as to why she didn't respect me as much. It was as though she looked at me as a door mat alot of the time, if i were to stand up for myself it would end in a fight alot of the time. Not sure if this was due to her needing to mature, or whether it was in me perhaps needing to make it more challenging and working on myself too keep her on her toes? ( Maybe i got to involved in her life and not enough of my own). But i feel whenever i did try to do this she would crack it and a fight would start either way.

What do you guys think?
Because now this subject has got me stuck on how i should be to the next girl in my life that i meet. Alot off people say ohhhhhh just be yourself as you are... the right one will appreciate you ( I'm starting not to believe that alot ). The rest say NO, you gotta be more about yourself, make it a challenge for her as women love a challenge and it keeps them going/chasing and they stay interested that way... but it all sounds too much like a game for me.... that's not how it's meant to be is it?

---

Women really do tend to be attracted to confident even cocky men or men with problems that they can fix. Women between 12-35 that is. Later in life after many life lessons there is a turnaround and a rush to get the nice guys only to find most are taken. So either we changed them into jerks or somewhere out there there are smart younger women that happen by...
So either you will come across one soon or when you get older you will be a hot comodity!Please don't change. A man of character and compassion is rare and you have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday. Be someone you would respect.

Hmmmm...
I have been looking a lot into this over the net. Found a lot of similar opinons from the males, and from the females.

From what I have gathered I should stay a nice guy, but not "OVER-NICE" which would be acting like a puppy dog/door mat.

From what I have gathered this is.
NICE GUY
. To his woman:
Manners , gentleman type, respectful of her and her space, sweet/caring but not over soft so to speak.

He needs to maintain in this relationship confidence
Control
Challenge
( JISER I think you posted this one somewhere :) .)

But this type must have his own voice, opinions, and input. He must make decisions also... he is the rock of the two, the shoulder for her to lean on.
. He must control his own emotions and choices.
. He must always keep his cool/calm
. Knows how to walk away at the right time
. Never complains or whinges
. Does not be a puppy dog/door mat for her
. Has goals that keeps him going in life (priorities, and keep her at least 2nd priority to something, anything) Do not make her first or you will lose the character that she fell for at first, that is very important because then you lose yourself to her you automatically become the "DOOR MAT" for her.



. The key here is to have your own life, and if someone wants to share it with you well share it with them, but do not give it away to them.
. You need to have a mentallity of "WANT HER" compared to "NEED HER" , this goes along with do not worry about how to keep, or get her as you are focusing on YOUR own life.
. Never fear loss as you will loose self worth in yourself, and you will then detioriate.
. Do not take S**T from people, but never give S**T either, stand up for yourself when it comes to standing up for yourself.
. Keep who you are though do not be what you are not. Do not act like some 10 foot macho man, keep your characteristics, don't be to serious make her laugh/stay funny.
. You are the fire she is the water, how she boils is all up to you, so do keep her happy also, but do nott shower her over the top with this.
. Depend on yourself, stay strong, never be worried(and do not show her that), keep the characteristics of a man.
. All of the above does not mean to forget you have a lady!! It means to focus on your own life first before you lose it to her. Once she sees this, it is when she will get bored of you or move on as she will see you are no longer challenging to her.

. Another useful hint is to keep her wanting more:
. Eg. Cut off supply.
. This is quiet simple, when things are going good e.g.. Having a good talk on the phone, or a good night out END IT AT THE GOOD POINT, do not let her get time to get bored of it, obviously enjoy the good moment and keep it going, but end the good moment before it eventually gets boring. This will make her want more of it for the next time.
EG. You are on the phone having a good conversation no matter how long or short it is, at a certain point simply say (AND STILL KEEP NICE ABOUT IT) " that you have to go you are busy or you have something to do... even if you don't make it seem that way.
.Also try to keep the good times you spend together few and far between, this way you both look forward to the next time even more.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK, I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE A GUIDE OUT OF THIS, JUST TRYING TO PUT EVERYTHING TOGETHER THAT I HAVE LEARNT RECENTLY FROM FORUMS AND SO ON. SO OPINIONS WOULD BE APPRECIATED AS I AM STILL LEARNING ALL ABOUT THIS FOR MYSELF :)

And Also Remember The Nice-nice Guys Are The Ones Who Want To Get Along And Make Everyone Happy... they Seem To Not Have Their Own Life Sorted(no Goals No Priorities,no Character Of Their Own, And So On) If This Is You Change That Instantly. Because You Will Find Yourself Always Trying To Make Your Girl Happy Or Always Thinking About Making Her Happy, Making You Look Foolish This Makes It All To Easy For Her To Work With , And To Let Go Of.

Hello.

Nice Guys always win in the end... Sure you might not get as many cheap easy Ladies as the macho jerks do but the Ladies you do get will be yours for a long time. Im sorry you have been hurt but it wasn't because you where a nice guy it was because she wasn't ready to be in a real Loving relationship.

Dennis777

I know where you are coming from Dennis777, and it probably is because she was not ready at this point in her life.
Although what I am trying to figure is perhaps I didn't focus on MYSELF enough, more so too much on her and the relationship to make myself happy instead of making myself happy first. :)

I feel I depended too much on our relastionship in my life rather than depending on my own two feet.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Nice guys don't finish last doormats finish last. There is a big difference between the two. A nice guy treats his girlfriend with respect and shows her he cares about her. He allows her space and understands that a relationship does not need to be clingy. He acts like a gentleman and is an all around respectful guy.

A doormat gives into whatever the girl wants, never stands up for himself, thinks he has no value as a person, is all over the girlfriend constantly thinking that constant togetherness is the key to the good relationship.

No one wants to be smothered. I've dated plenty of nice guys and anyone who treats me badly gets dumped. Girls who have low self esteem want someone to treat them badly. Immature girls want someone who acts elusive and acts like they don't want her. IMHO girls want bad guys and women want good guys.

---

I honestly couldn't agree more.

I guess you have to be a little bit of both.. be nice but stand up for yourself... if you don't stand up for yourself you end up hurt in the end.I learned that the hard way..

If the relationship was working like it should you would have held each other up. I do understand what your saying and your right you have to make yourself happy before you can make others happy. Just don't over do the you and become a jerk that only thinks of himself.

Dennis777

I wonder if I fall into the doormat area. I do a lot for the girl I'm interested in and always try to make her feel special and wanted. We spend a lot of time together and I always treat her with manners and respect. She's always telling me how thankful and appreciative she is of me and things we do. Reading posts like these make me wonder if I should start telling her I'm busy or doing something else. Honestly, I don't really want to, nor play games, but I am genuinely interested in her and I would hate to never form a romantic relationship because I was "too nice."

Nice guys, yes do finish last. But there is no actul nice guy. We all have our proublems, but it takes the man to look at them and fix them, himself. To look at everything and see what his goals in life are and not afraid to say feelings, not to the point of being an emotional cry baby. But one that lets the other know, hey I don't like this, this is how I feel. Say and make sure the one you are saying it to is listening. But man you've already answered your own question. We may finish last, but we finish with a clear heart and mind and usually are the ones that end up with the most beautiful woman there is. The ones that are just as beautiful on the outside as the inside. So be yourself but always look and listen and better yourself when needed, but for you not them. In self confadence and a little pride in one self you'll always be the good guy.

I entered this thread on NICE GUYS a little while ago:

I hope this helps: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-118640.html