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-   -   Relationship closure or not? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=120355)

  • Aug 17, 2007, 02:54 AM
    bodymovin
    Relationship closure or not?
    I'm a 28 yr old male and I'd been living with my now ex girlfriend (27yrs old) for about two years up until about three months ago. We talked about having kids and marriage. It wasn't going well there for a time and every time I tried to talk about it to her I got the def ear. Anyway, to cut a long story short, her mother got involved for some reason and one morning decided to end the relationship for her, my ex just stood there crying like a 5 yr old. I was so angry and confused, I just walked and got my sister to collect all my stuff... my sister was told to warn me not to try and contact my ex under any circumstances unless I wanted a barring order. The first few weeks were absolutely devastating, I lost all dignity and self esteem was at an all time low... "a barring order"... I tried to figure out what had happened, sleepless nights etc... Three months on and after a lot of hard work and personal growth, I've just come to accept the whole thing and move on without those negative feelings. I'm now feeling back to normal, almost. Thing is, last week I get a phone call out of the blue... its her telling me how she gets sad from time to time that it all didn't work out and that after the break up she just got stuck into work and family and didn't deal with anything on a personal level. Another one two days later... its her again and she's explaining that she has all these new ambitions and she's gone and had a professional makeover. Another there yesterday and she started crying and telling me how her mum had been asking for me and she'd really like a chance to meet and have closure.
    My problem is that I'm not sure if this meeting could lead to something other than closure... I think she's quite low at the moment and perhaps has different intentions... perhaps I'm completely wrong in thinking this... but I already have my closure on my personal level which I had to attain by myself... would it be selfish to decline the meeting on the grounds that old wounds may be re-opened?. or maybe I should have a completely different perspective... please help:confused:
  • Aug 17, 2007, 05:34 AM
    SAB123
    I would not meet up with her.
    First of all it will probably set you back in your healing process.
    Secondly she does not deserve any closure from you after the way she treated you when she broke up with you. The next time she calls I would tell her to just leave me alone.
  • Aug 17, 2007, 05:54 AM
    aanthonyy
    I would tell her that she has gotten what she wants - has reaped what she has sowed - that probably works visa versa...
  • Aug 19, 2007, 04:51 PM
    talaniman
    Don't look back. She will have to grow on her own.
  • Aug 19, 2007, 06:23 PM
    Ash123
    You are free. People don't go back to prison because they're offered a free meal.

    Tell em: Thanks but you'd prefer not to - and you wish them well...

    Be direct. Be polite. Be clear. Be communicative. Be honest.

    Be gone.

    Peace
  • Aug 19, 2007, 06:31 PM
    chuff
    Her problems are not your problems. She gave that up when her mom dumped you ( I never thought I'd write those words). She has more problems then you can believe and you've done more then enough for her.

    Normally, I'd agree with eveyone above me telling you to not contact her. But, in this special case, I say that turn about is fair play. I would contact her (and her mother) one more time. I'd tell them that if they ever contact you again, you will get a restraining order on them. Then wish them both a great day.

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