Ask Me Help Desk - Divorced w/ daughters over 13 now

I live in California and have to follow California law. I have been divorced for over 10 years now. My daughters were 2 and 4 at the time and will be turning 13 and 15 come this September and November.

I have 50/50 custody with my daughters and fought long and hard to make sure I will be a part of my daughters lives. (went to court 4 times).

Just a few days ago my oldest called me on the phone and said she doesn't want to be picked up anymore and doesn't want to be forced by law to go back and forth. She mentioned something about the power of 13. Something about when a child who is part of a divorce, that once turns 13 has the choice not to go with either parent. She told me if I try to pick her up, she will not go with me. Their mom has been prepping them about this power of 13 stuff since I believe 10 years old, and she is now having my oldest act on this since my youngest is 13 too. The unfortunate thing is that my youngest is having to follow what her sister is saying though I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't want to.

My questions are: is there any truth to this powerof 13 law here in California? What are my rights and can I refuse to go along with it if there is such a law and they try to exercise it? What could happen if I refuse? Does my custody percentage which again is 50/50 change? Not that I don't want to support and aren't willing to support them, but since I don't want this and am pretty much being forced to make this custody change, would I be obligated to paying more child support?

I love my daughter so dearly, and have had many a court battle to have them 50/50 and be kept in my life. I just don't want to and refuse to lose them this way. I want my daughters in my life as much as possible, but I feel I am in a catch 22, cause if I force to continue to pick them up, I might be jeopordizing my relationship with my daughters. If I don't pick them up, then their mom can take advantage of this and I start at ground zero again.

Thanks in advance for your help...

I've never heard of that in my life. A 13 yr old is a minor and cannot make legal decisions, I think they misunderstood something.

Thank You... thats What I Thought Too... but According to My Daughter, She Ot This Idea From Her Mom, Her Aunts, Parents Of Friends, And Upposedly Family Members Studying To Be Lawyers. Could This Be A California Thing?

Nope, at 13 she can testify in court as to what she wants, if either of you sue to change the custody agreement. But even then the judge will not always do what the child wants, but what is best for the child.

Tell her to get her bags packed

Quote:

Originally Posted by ONESOLO8

Thank You....thats What I Thought Too.....but Accordingto My Daughter, She Ot This Idea From Her Mom, Her Aunts, Parents Of Friends, And Upposedly Family Members Studying To Be Lawyers. Could This Be A California Thing?

I tried looking for you and got nothing. I think you have a teenager on your hands so get ready ;)

I think Fr_Chuck is on the right track. She could talk to a judge but if you've done nothing to mistreat, etc. a judge wouldn't overturn it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ONESOLO8

i live in california and have to follow california law. i have been divorced for over 10 years now. my daughters were 2 and 4 at the time and will be turning 13 and 15 come this september and november.

i have 50/50 custody with my daughters and fought long and hard to make sure i will be a part of my daughters lives. (went to court 4 times).

just a few days ago my oldest called me on the phone and said she doesn't want to be picked up anymore and doesn't want to be forced by law to go back and forth. She mentioned something about the power of 13. something about when a child who is part of a divorce, that once turns 13 has the choice not to go with either parent. she told me if i try to pick her up, she will not go with me. their mom has been prepping them about this power of 13 stuff since i believe 10 years old, and she is now having my oldest act on this since my youngest is 13 too. the unfortunate thing is that my youngest is having to follow what her sister is saying though i can see it in her eyes that she doesn't want to.

my questions are: is there any truth to this powerof 13 law here in california? what are my rights and can i refuse to go along with it if there is such a law and they try to exercise it? what could happen if i refuse? does my custody percentage which again is 50/50 change? not that i don't want to support and aren't willing to support them, but since i don't want this and am pretty much being forced to make this custody change, would I be obligated to paying more child support?

i love my daughter so dearly, and have had many a court battle to have them 50/50 and be kept in my life. i just don't want to and refuse to lose them this way. i want my daughters in my life as much as possible, but I feel I am in a catch 22, cause if i force to continue to pick them up, i might be jeopordizing my relationship with my daughters. if i don't pick them up, then their mom can take advantage of this and i start at ground zero again.

thanks in advance for your help.......

Thank you both for answering my question... i do have a hard choice come this tuesday to answer... which is: do i go an try to pick up my daughters on my custodial time and force them to go with me to show that they need to respect me and be fair. But risking resentent, hatred, and anger from my daughters. Or do i give them what they request to salvage my relationshipwith them, but then showing my daughters that they can do what ever they want when they want and ow they want.

In addition if i give them what they want and allow this to happen, then am i giving up my time and custody which i have so battled for, for so long...

First of all, will you please turn off your caps? Makes it look as though you are shouting.

Now, in all my years I have never heard of this "law." However, typically at this age, in some states, a child can choose whom they want to live with. Now, this does not mean that their choice will be granted as it has to go before a judge and the judge chooses what is in the best interest of the child. This has nothing to do with visitation, but rather custody.

If I were in your shoes, I would go get them. You are the parent, you have to show that you are boss. I don't mean to be angry or harsh, but you were awarded visitation and you have the right to it.

I have to ask if there is more to this story than you have represented so far.