I fell in love with this guy and we both realize right away we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We've only been together for fewer than 6 months, and I moved in with him because I wanted to quit my job to study, and he suggested it as a way to support me.

I don't remember when he started to lose sexual interest in me. He told me when we first got together that he's all about sex and that he can get very creative, and that he wants to please me. He used to get turned on by me and couldn't keep his hands off me. Now, it's so obvious that he won't even give me a real passionate kiss just in case that might "accidently" start sex! It's obvious that he doesn't desire me sexually because he just doesn't touch me like that anymore.

I know he loves me - he'd kiss me with so much love (but no passion), give me a few pecks on my shoulder here and there, hold my hand all the time when we walk on the street. He does things for me - takes care of me. I know I'm constantly on his mind.

So why doesn't he want me? I'm so frustrated and saddened by the fact that I can't seem to turn him on or interest him anymore. I just feel so undesirable! So unwanted!

Could it be that he's in his late 30s/early 40s so that his sex drive just isn't as strong? We've gone for 2 weeks without sex - and the last time we had sex I initiated it and even then he seemed reluctant! Our relationship is just starting and this is already happening?

What is going on??

Think the fact you went from meeting each other to living together in 6 months time. That's barely enough time to get to know the person much less decide you want to spend your lives together. You can't possible know that till you know them.

With that said what you both thought was love is likely lust and its wearing off for him before it is with you.

Sorry if that may come across as harsh... but there is no other reason for this less than 6 months into a relationship. There are medical reasons for this but are rarely abrupt, and unless he has recently suffered major stress or depression I think my initial feeling is correct. I'm not against living together, I'm a realist and know love at first site nearly always turns out to be something else.

I know what you are saying. I was not a believer how people can fall in love so quickly. In fact, I was a cynic about it - I scoffed at friends / people who claim they've fallen in love and get married in 2 months time.

We didn't get physical right away. We only got to spend 2 nights with each other and he went overseas for a 7-week assignment.

Appreciate your condor though.

You moved too fαst.. The dαmαge is done.. try tαlking αbout it to him-- if it goes nowhere I believe it's over.

I don't know why women do this αll the time-- tαke your time don't rush.. the fαster you stαrt the sooner it'll end.

Hello.

There is a fine line between Lust and Love. Lust can be so powerfully and fool you as it seemed to have done to you. Moving so quickly you didn't give the Lust a chance to grow into Love. Now he is feeling the pressure of supporting you and living with you and as reality hits so does the stress level and that stress level is what makes him not want to Make Love to you.

Now is the time to have a long honest talk about the future. What your needs are and what his needs are. Im not saying its over I'm saying you need to re-group and do what should have been done before you got together.

Dennis777

All you can do is all you can do. Talk to him and see how he responds. Try to not be attacking or blaming, but state your needs for attention, desire, and effection... both sexual and mental.

If he doesn't change his ways you have a simple, but difficult, decision. Live with a man whom you think is great in many other ways and deny yourself a healthy sex life, or leave him and realize you aren't ready to bury your sex life.

Hopefully hell straighten things out and be attentive. Hopefully he wasn't just driven by "the chase". But he should still be chasing you.

If nothing gets better and you stay, just remember you can't complain. You have a choice, to be with him or not. If you tolerate this behaviour then you accept it as part of the package.

I know my wife, in the early stages of our relationship, would have never, ever tolerated sexual neglect. It only gets harder with life, kids, etc. it takes work. And hed better be willing to work at it or you just won't be happy, I'm afraid. But its your life, your call.

Thank you everyone for your input!

I guess sadly I need to stop being so idealistic and naïve about relationships...

Thanks again!

Take a good look and see how much has changed especially for him in those 6 months, and now that the lust is wearing off he is finding the world a very different place for him now as you are a dependent as well as a lover. Give him time to assimilate his surroundings and get used to this new life. After all your really strangers, who had sex and now he is supporting you. May I ask what else do you bring to the table?

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Because I wanted to quit my job to study,

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Things have changed and you have to see that. Talk to him as if there is no communication there is no relationship, whether there is sex or not.

I'm going through the samething! And I'm only 24 yrs old. So I feel u!

Sometimes the best way to heat a guy up is to freeze him down... Dysfunctional but true.

Maybe too late for this guy, but he needs to yearn.
He's "ALL ABOUT SEX" - so once he got some/or "a lot" of some....he was done....
he actually WAS honest with you...

Next guy hopefully will be a bit more well rounded...


love does not equal sex....but damn i wish it did!!
Peace

Like when a guy buys a sport car, he just can't stay out of that car, it is everything he ever wanted. But then all of a sudden he realizes how much the sports car is costing him, it kind of takes all the fun out of having the car, in fact he wishes hat he had never bought it. But after a year or so of fretting over the cost he finally realises that the enjoyment of having the car is well worth the cost of having it. It can work that way in a relationship also especially in one that is only 6 months old and the guy doesn't even know what all he has that is good in the relationship.

Love sucks. Unless you do it for the right reasons: mutual respect and support.
(And that's way harder than it sounds.)

1) We are wired to procreate and our childhoods affect how we view relationships -
And one way or another we walk away from bliss and straight to the miss...

2) But that's being human.


3) You ignored what he told you: "IT'S ALL ABOUT SEX"...
Umm, hello: That IS NOT THE RECIPE FOR LONG-TERM LOVE (unfortunately)

4) This one is not that big a mystery... Bummer huh?

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Originally Posted by peony234

Thank you everyone for your input!

I guess sadly I need to stop being so idealistic and naive about relationships...

Thanks again!

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Consider it a learning experience. Many of us have been where you are now. Some others have yet to have it happen. Most at some point in their lives will have experienced it. To be honest, until you have been here I don't think its possible for someone to truly understand what love is VS Lust. It gives you that important perspective... experience.