Hi,

I was seeing this girl for like 3 years (I was her first love) an we split up about 3 months ago no, it was on her terms as she said she wanted abit of space. She started seeing this guy immediately after us splitting up but it only lasted 2 an half months before she called it off with him! I chased her for 2 months after the split, with flowers, chocolates, letter etc to then realise what I was doing - being a Wuss! So I start the No Contact, which I’ve been doing for exactly a month now! Out of the blue she calls me last night drunk on holiday at like early hours in the morning, to say "guess who it is" because I was caught off guard an so tired, I wasn’t very conversational so I cut it off short by saying I had to go because I'm tried an got work in the morning - which I'm sure she'll appreciate! An just said hope you have a nice time!

Why do ex's call when you don’t get in touch?

For some people it's a power and control issue. To have someone chase you for some time after a break up is a pretty sweet ego boost. When that stops its like what the heck is going on here he or she is supposed to be at home pining away for me because I'm just that good. Its just one of those things no matter if it's the guy or the girl someone always wants to know if that ex is available on the back burner.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dave1986

... to then realise what i was doin - being a Wuss!

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*claps*

Glad you realised that quickly Dave, a lot of AMHD posters don't like or want to hear and admit that! That line certainly made me chuckle! :D

I'm with Glinda, she just wants to see if you're there as a fallback! Don't get roped in fella, stay strong!

J

Thanks

I'm not going to get roped in don't worry, but what if in the back of your mind you want to get back with her... do I let her chase me loads first to see if its genuine? Or don't ever get back an just totally move on? (easy for other people to tell me this)

That's just your ego. You want her to want you back. Its still way too early for you to have a healthy perspective on your relationship. Trust me in another 2months you won't want her.
The relationship ended for a reason right? A relationship breaks up because there is something broken. Majority of the time both people have no desire to take the time to mend it.

Again she's calling you for her ego and you want her to come begging back for your ego. We are ego driven creatures Dave1986. Let it go and rise above your ego and let her float out of your mind.

It's been 6 months since my ex broke up with me, 5 months in I realized what type of person she is and will never take her back. Although I still hurt and think of her some times It's a lot better now. And sometimes I wish she would come back again so I could tell her that.

Have I gave my ex what she needed then by answering the phone last night? I didn't know it was her because 1) I didn't expect her to call 2) she phoned off a different phone 3) I was half asleep so I didn't really realise what I was doing!

Was it just building up inside her to contact me an now that she has she prob won't feel the urge anymore?

I don't get how women's minds work... I don't think women do ha!

Anyway I won't answer any future calls!

Dave, this happened to me on our first major break. She called me one night I was half asleep and wanted to know where my sister was. I told her I DON'T KNOW, and why are you calling me. Then I told her to don't call again. The next time she calls tell her to leave you alone, because I believe you still want her to come back to you. And that's why I believe you will answer again in the future. Because I did the next time my ex called.

Is all a game of control. If you take her back then you will be telling her that she will be able to treat you the same way again. That you will always be 'available' to her as a backup plan. She will loose respect for you, you for her. I would ignore her. Let her play her games by herself.

I also don't believe you "gave her what she needed" by answering the phone. I bet that she is stewing over the fact that you weren't weeping hysterically and begging for her to come back. Because of the need to inflate herself she will keep calling trying to get a hold of you and trying to get you to admit how much you miss her and what a sham your life is without her.

Any number that comes in that you don't recognize don't answer simple as that.

She either wants all of you or she gets none of you. That is really what no contact is about.

Good posts! Happy wi them...

I just wish I didn't answer the phone last night, I couldn't help it because I was half asleep an didn't realise what I was doing ha! Just like when you turn you alarm clock off by mistake ha! Could have played her at her own game an had her ringing me all her holiday... that would have been good on my behalf!

Or well I'm staying strong, I have no reason to speak to her anymore!

Thanks

She's calling you because she's still interested in you. The fact that she called you while drunk or otherwise inebriated at a party probably just signals that she's normally uptight/nervous about actually calling... In wine there is truth. :)