Ask Me Help Desk - Husband and Father is Cheap

Is there any law in Illinois that provides for a wife and natural son when the husband/ father only thinks of himself(and yes, even schemes to ruin his family?) I work in the same plant as my father. I'm 19 and he's 55. He's been there 4 years longer than me, so he makes even more. Over 34k- not a lot until you realize my mom and me have no health, car, life insurance, house insurance, cable, garbage bill, gas bill or water bill. (oh and my mom paid 156k cash for the 2500 sq ft house we live in from her inheiratance.) My mom used to work full time, but she lost so many jobs, because as soon as she got one, my dad would say his car was broke, or he forgot to pay the car insurance, or his plates were over due, or he was too tired,that my Mom had to drive him up and back to work, 30 miles each way or he wouldn't go. Without her working f/t its impossible to find a retail job that gives free health insurance. She got in an accident driving him to work, and he wouldn't pay for the accident or fines 'cause it wasn't his license. She got an old sedan from a friend for $200.00 and then my dad said his car was too good to subject to downtown traffic. He dropped his insurance and refuses to let us drive his car even for groceries. He used hers and totaled it when he hit a safety rail. It sat in the impound for 4 weeks, my ma coundn't pay the towing so she signed the titile over the tow company. My dad , never even traded in his old car, just kept it and got himself a new one and insurance, for (one month) he uses the insurance card to "show" he has proof of insurance, even though he never paid past month one. He gives my ma $100.00 a week to buy clothes, food for the three of us, her medication(she has COPD) pay the repairs on appliances, medical bills and house insurance everything. Needless to say she can't even afford clothes and hers are so warn from the resale shop they have holes in them. Without her medication, my ma has bad asthma, can't breath, and often is just wheezing at the kitchen table. She can wash the clothes but puts them over the shower curtain to dry. (He won't replace the dryer, cause he takes his clothes for dry cleaning. ) My dad gets custom made dress shirts, thou he wears jeans to work. He buys purebred horses, tractors, and spends most of his time in adult shops/bars. My mom knows there needs to be a divorce, I know it to- For the first time in 6 years we have a real phone in the house, thanks to me, (he has his own cell phone were not allowed to use.) I buy my mom one or two things a week with my check and buy the food I'll eat during the week. I don't mind paying the phone bill or the taxes on the house but isn't there some law that says he should at least pay for her food and emergency visits to the clinic here, and pay for her clothes ? She has been there 3 times in the last sixth months, and they keep billing her for stuff, but she can't pay. She can't get public aid 'cause my dad makes way too much. He doesn't have any bank account, checking account or credit cards- (he sleeps with his wallet), and now says if I don't drive him to work, he can't go and make enough to give my mom her lousy $100.00 bucks. When I do drive him, he's always stopping at stores buying himself stuff, and after work takes just everyone from work to breakfast, but has me pay my own. What would you suggest? She can't drive, since she lost her license, and with the taxes for such a nice house so high, I'm broke for the next couple months. We do have the house up for sale, but my dad does really nasty things just before the agent comes to show the house and it smells lke 20 cats have used it as a litter box, (which they have). Then he justs laughs and says we'll never sell it.We don't have any family left effect for his, and they disown him after he didn't pay some money back he borrowed. If you were my ma, what would YOU DO-?

I got stuck when I read that your mom paid out 156k for a 2500 sq ft house. Um, why such a big house for only three people? Of course, the cats are a problem--how many? And who cleans the litter boxes and throw-up and accidents? No wonder your mother has trouble breathing with all the cat hair flying loose and no cleaning getting done.

Is your father on the mortgage (if there is one), and the deed to the house?

There are lawyers who work through the county and through groups and have a sliding scale. Perhaps it's time to find one who will help you and your mom.

My mom was an only child and received the inheirtance when grandma died. Before that, my dad was paying 1.5 k per month on a town house of his choice. The house was paid for cash, as my mom knew she could never work toward a mortgage. It was the best she could do for me as she was raised in an o.k. house too. SHe has always been good with horses and riding and dreamed of having a small farm where she could train riding horses. The house only has 2 bedrooms, but has 2 baths, family, living room, dining room , laundry and huge kitchen. She was one day from the divorce when my dad got all goey, and pleaded with her that he would change and give the checks home. She was scared of making it on her own and agreed that he would work and pay the household bills and taxes, while she started her training business. We only have 15 acres, but his ma died after we got here and he got 50k in his inheiratence. He bought so many horses that after 3 months there was no grass left and was paying 250.00 a week just for hay. He has never rode a horse or handled one but he kept his "friend" paid and the horses kept coming. When he got tired of the horse he wouln't seel them and the neighbors caled the humane society. When they came he pleaded ignorance and said they just were't wormed right. He had six horses here that he bought after 26 years of age and when they died he just left them and said it wasn't his property. The state ag inspectors came and put up a fuss, but since it was my mas house, they blames her, and she ahd to apy to have them buried here. He got 1 cat. It was a female, and he wouldn't fix it. It had kittens, and the kittens had kittens and the kittens had more kittens, they destroyed all the screens on the house including the patio screen we kept open in the summer. He said it wasn't his house. My mom ran out of money after 2 years, with the taxes unpaid. Once the taxes were over due he cut back from $225.00 a week to $100.00. There was no way she could save up for her license with only $100.00 a week. (So she could get a job at Wal-mart 30 miles away.)Since they're papered horses my mom had to see them starve, since she couldn't sell them to better homes. He bought lawn tractors for our 15 acres but wouldn't let me or her use them to cut the grass. No he didn't use them either, and they are in the garage. He paid antique prices for unless tractors that required at least $1500.00 each in repairs to be useable. My mom found some buyers to sell the horses even without papers, she was so sorry for them, but when she did, for $200.-$300.00 a piece, he cut us off for months at a time. We had 9 acres of timber and my mom sold that, but it wasn't enough for the taxes, and when she did, he stopped working. He still had his videos, cell pone, dry cleaning and eating out 3 times a day, I was in high school and he wouldn't even pay for lunches. I shoot the cats, when I can, and I'm strong enough to-yes he feeds them, but 5 out of every 8 dies from some 4 times inbreed disese. He's not stupid, he'll spend$150.00 a cat to get them checked out, and then say he's broke for the week. He's always broke. I could't even finish high school cause we ( my mom and me) needed the money too bad ,I went to work 4 months from my graduation date. There are over 20 outside cats here, when we have a showing, the day or week before when I take my mom to the store, he calls them in the house and locks them in so they sh** all over. Cat urine is impossible to get out without a carpet cleaner. And he just says too bad, clean it up its, not my house. No hes' not on the deed, my ma paid for it with her inheiratence, while they were legally separated. It was just in her name- but 3 months before the county was to take it over, I turned 18, she sold it to an understanding real estate agent for the tax money and 5k for "doing it", the same day he sold it back to me on a contract for deed. The broker had my dad sign the contract too, just in case. I haven't gotten any faurther with him than my mom. He is sleeping in my bedroom, I am on the couch, and for the first time in 4 years my ma is sleeping in there master bedroom instead of on the floor.

Thank you for caring enough to post a reply.

It sounds like your parents have serious money management problems that stems from their very dysfunctional relationship. I suggest you contact your county social services department and get someone to help you unravel all this.

Your mom CAN go it alone, without your dad. Getting him separated from the two of you will be your best and biggest first step. Again, get a social worker from the county or from an agency like Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services to help you and her.

(It breaks my heart to hear about the mindless mistreatment and destruction of the horses and cats. No animal deserved any of that.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lou Dave

Is there any law in Illinois that provides for a wife and natural son when the husband/ father only thinks of himself(and yes, even schemes to ruin his family?) I work in the same plant as my father. I'm 19 and he's 55. He's been there 4 years longer than me, so he makes even more. Over 34k- not a lot until you realize my mom and me have no health, car, life insurance, house insurance, cable, garbage bill, gas bill or water bill. (oh and my mom paid 156k cash for the 2500 sq ft house we live in from her inheiratance.) My mom used to work full time, but she lost so many jobs, because as soon as she got one, my dad would say his car was broke, or he forgot to pay the car insurance, or his plates were over due, or he was too tired,that my Mom had to drive him up and back to work, 30 miles each way or he wouldn't go. Without her working f/t its impossible to find a retail job that gives free health insurance. She got in an accident driving him to work, and he wouldn't pay for the accident or fines 'cause it wasn't his license. She got an old sedan from a friend for $200.00 and then my dad said his car was too good to subject to downtown traffic. He dropped his insurance and refuses to let us drive his car even for groceries. He used hers and totaled it when he hit a safety rail. It sat in the impound for 4 weeks, my ma coundn't pay the towing so she signed the titile over the the tow company. My dad , never even traded in his old car, just kept it and got himself a new one and insurance, for (one month) he uses the insurance card to "show" he has proof of insurance, even though he never paid past month one. He gives my ma $100.00 a week to buy clothes, food for the three of us, her medication(she has COPD) pay the repairs on appliances, medical bills and house insurance everything. Needless to say she can't even afford clothes and hers are so warn from the resale shop they have holes in them. Without her medication, my ma has bad asthma, can't breath, and often is just wheezing at the kitchen table. She can wash the clothes but puts them over the shower curtain to dry. (He won't replace the dryer, cause he takes his clothes for dry cleaning. ) My dad gets custom made dress shirts, thou he wears jeans to work. He buys purebred horses, tractors, and spends most of his time in adult shops/bars. My mom knows there needs to be a divorce, I know it to- For the first time in 6 years we have a real phone in the house, thanks to me, (he has his own cell phone were not allowed to use.) I buy my mom one or two things a week with my check and buy the food I'll eat during the week. I don't mind paying the phone bill or the taxes on the house but isn't there some law that says he should at least pay for her food and emergency visits to the clinic here, and pay for her clothes ? She has been there 3 times in the last sixth months, and they keep billing her for stuff, but she can't pay. She can't get public aid 'cause my dad makes way too much. He doesn't have any bank account, checking account or credit cards- (he sleeps with his wallet), and now says if I don't drive him to work, he can't go and make enough to give my mom her lousy $100.00 bucks. When I do drive him, he's always stopping at stores buying himself stuff, and after work takes just everyone from work to breakfast, but has me pay my own. What would you suggest? She can't drive, since she lost her license, and with the taxes for such a nice house so high, I'm broke for the next couple months. We do have the house up for sale, but my dad does really nasty things just before the agent comes to show the house and it smells lke 20 cats have used it as a litter box, (which they have). Then he justs laughs and says we'll never sell it.We don't have any family left effect for his, and they disown him after he didn't pay some money back he borrowed. If you were my ma, what would YOU DO-?

From that first line it sounds exactly like my father. We live in NY but my mom did speak to a lawyer and the response she got was, "Wouldn't it be great if we could do that." So at least here in NY there is no way to get someone to provide for their family.
I thought I was the only one with this kind of problem father but actually I found 3 more like him through searching the 'net and my mother's friend's husband is the same way too.
HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM. YOU DON'T NEED HIM.
Ok? I think they have some sort of personality disorder. I do. I am NOT a mental health expert so don't quote me, OK? But seriously I think there is something wrong with these people that they are so destructive and cruel and cheap with their families but so generous and loving with strangers. I'm not kidding when I say he will never change. I told my mom about your post and she said the same thing: he will never change.
My mom is planning to divorce my dad. Last year he filed for divorce and then on the day they went to court he pulled the old "gooey" act too and promised to change too. See? The similarities are amazing! Your ma has two votes here to divorce him. Good luck and God Bless you.