I got a problem I don't know what it is and I woulden't doubt if you can help me either.
It all started when I was a Junior in high school (im a senior now). I moved from a Christian high school (im agnostic not christian BTW). I was content there I got along with people and I liked the friendly atmosphere. Anyway I got to this new school and I just felt apart from the beginning, I play sports and stuff but I have no friends. First off I choose not to because there are three types of people in my school Christian better than everyone else type of people in which I share no common interests, the second type is hard core party animals which makes up 80% of the school where sex, drinking and the belittling of each other is of common occurrence, the third is people I could be friends with but I always feel like I'm a burden around them, they always try to avoid me. That's the social problem I have that I won't be able to fix till college I hope. It's going to make a terrible senior year.
My problems of a mental nature, are as follows. I feel so distant from myself, I can't do anything well from sports to math or English. I try my hardest I never get better I force myself to do this stuff because I have no motivation or interest to do so, and I'm under constant pressure from my parents because they want me to go to a good university for which field I have no idea. I can't express myself or my ideas and what can do is inferior at best to others of the same nature. I feel lazy and useless and I don't want to. Of course there are times I do have fun and I do enjoy life but it's like doing drugs, it doesn't last and I feel even worse than before when all is said and done. No matter what happens I always feel the same when I go to bed, alone and miserable. I have no love for anything no hate, no fear, I done some terrible things in my life, like breaking into buildings and stuff and I feel the same when I'm being punished I feel like I'm just waiting for it to be over, if I'm doing something that I don't want to do I always feel that way. That's 90% of my life, doing things I don't want to do, and I always grin and bare it. I tried to tell my parents this stuff but they are only concerned about my future. I feel like life is pointless and stupid (don't worry I'm not suicidal and I never will be I can promise you that). I always expect everything to happen that way I'm never disappointed. I've tried to change my life I've tried to learn to love the things I so much don't want to do it doesn't work. I'm always being told how much of a failure I am and that I'm not doing good enough and I'm sick of it. I do my best, and not even I can stand the work I do. When I do manage to do something that is somewhat acceptable I feel no sense of accomplishment I feel there is nothing for me in this world and I've often felt like running away from everything to find what it is I'm made for because I have no idea what it is. My old high school told me I was made to serve Jesus and spread the word of god and do his bidding, to me that's just a bunch of crap it doesn't make me feel any better like so many success stories they have tell me I do. I have no idea what to do and I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life.
EDIT:
I always feel like I'm around to make other people happy, and I do but I don't feel good when I do something for someone I don't proud or happy.