Ask Me Help Desk - I can't get my son to sleep alone

Okay my son is going to be 2 in November and I can't get him to sleep by himself. Once he falls asleep I sneek out of his room, but he wakes up a couple of hours later. He has never been able to sleep alone. When he had a crib he would cry and cry and then throw up. Now he shares a room with our 5 month old so I don't really want to let him cry and wake the baby. Who by the way sleeps great lol. If anyone has any helpful advice I would love to hear it. Thanks

Unfortunately that is a hard habit to break. First you need to get him to fall asleep on his own, not with you laying beside him. It is going to be some work, and take some time. Then when he gets up in the middle of the night crying you start timing it... the first time, go in and console him, let him know you are there, but DON'T PICK HIM UP... when he calms down, leave... the next time wait longer before you go in and do the same... the next time wait even longer before you go in... etc.

You said he shares a room with your 5-month old... you mentioned that child sleeps great, so I would suggest moving the 5-month olds crib into your room until you can break the habit with your son.

Good luck!

I am having the same problem as you are with my 3 yr. old son. He has got in the habit of sleeping in his toddler bed next to bed in our room. We are trying to get him to sleep in his own room and it is not working out. He does the same thing yours is doing where I will get him to sleep and he will wake up a couple house later crying and will walk into our room and try to crawl up on the bed to go to sleep. I will then pick him up and take him back to bed. He will cry and cry. The last couple of nights, we will wake up in the morning to find him curled up in a little ball on the floor next to our bed and we didn't even know he had came into the room. It makes me feel horrible. I would like some advice also if there are any mothers out there that have went through this.

This is worse than potty training!!

I have to recommend these two books by Tracy Hogg: "the secrets of the baby whisperer" and "the baby whisperer solves all your problems". Go to the library today. I'm not kidding. I GUARANTEE if you follow what she says, with diligence, the problem will resolve. I have a four month old and this book is a GODSEND. My four month old sleeps like an angel now.
Also you can go to www.thebabywhisperer.com but the books are better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rachie

i have to recommend these two books by Tracy Hogg: "the secrets of the baby whisperer" and "the baby whisperer solves all your problems". go to the library today. im not kidding. i GUARANTEE if you follow what she says, with diligence, the problem will resolve. i have a four month old and this book is a GODSEND. my four month old sleeps like an angel now.
also you can go to www.thebabywhisperer.com but the books are better.

I imagine the book would be good for a baby but a toddler is a completely different story. When my son was 4 months old, he slept like an angel too and in his own room. Now that he is three, he doesn't want to be alone. I know other mom's have been through this. I work two jobs and not getting at least a few hours of sleep at night is killing me. Any advice would be appreciated. :)

He is big enough to know words and what they mean. It will definitely be a struggle...
Consistency is key here, you keep doing what you want, not what he wants. Yes, there may be some bad nights of crying and whining, if you give in, then he will keep testing.
We had this same problem, we just took him back to his bed (if we even felt him come in) LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmandaCaes

okay my son is going to be 2 in november and i can't get him to sleep by himself. once he falls asleep i sneek out of his room, but he wakes up a couple of hours later. he has never been able to sleep alone. when he had a crib he would cry and cry and then throw up. now he shares a room with our 5 month old so i dont really want to let him cry and wake the baby. who by the way sleeps great lol. if anyone has any helpful advice i would love to hear it. Thanks

I have five children and have been through the same thing with everyone of them. The best thing to do is get him into a routine bath then bed and perhaps read to him for a while. If the only way you can get him off to sleep is to stay with him then fine but when he wakes in the night don't bring him to your bed. You have to persist and make him remain in his own bed in his own room it's a test of strength and its hard but he will learn very quickly that you are not going to give in. I understand you worry about your baby waking up so for a short period could you not move baby into your room until things have settled, and they will eventually. If I can help further please email me. Good luck.

My physician recommended co-sleeping from birth. Mind you... he has no children of his own. I DO NOT RECOMMEND co sleeping. My daughter was especially tough at the age of 3 when I wanted to put her into her own bed. It took time, lots and lots of time, patience, and consistency. I would lay with her until she fell asleep and when she was asleep I would leave. When she woke I went in laid with her and she fell asleep again. Over and over. This took about 6 months and she finally starting sleeping more through the night. Now she is 6 and sleeps through the entire night, but I still lay down at night until she falls asleep. My second child, who is 2, has slept through the night since he was 2 months old. This is a hard one. Good luck. You will enjoy sleeping eventually, it just depends how you want to approach it.

Ok, let me sound mean and bad,

You put the child in a bed and he will cry till he gets tired of it, the more you let him win, the harder it will be to let him know he is not getting his way.

Sorry but letting them cry a few hours for several nights is how you do it.

I agree with Chuck on this one. Start a routine every night, put your child to bed, read him a story and then tuck him. I would devote a few nights to wait up for when he gets out of bed; every time he gets out, pick him up without any words and place him back into the bed no matter how many times he gets out. After a while, maybe a week or two, he will realize that it is a losing battle and not worth it. Good luck on this one!

I agree with macsmom. It is also common for children of that age to begin to wake up with nightmares and night terrors. Always console your child for at least a moment.

Sorry Fr_Chuck I am going to respectfully disagree with allowing a "child to cry for hours". If that is the way you meant it (that's how it sounds anyway). A child should never cry themselves sick. Crying bouts that last up to 20 minutes are okay (not for mom but not harmful to the child at least).

When toddler is no longer in a crib and trying to stay in a toddler bed, I personally recommend laying with him/her until they fall asleep, only at first, in his/her room to get them used to the room. It is transition only. But you do have to then try to allow them to fall asleep in their room by themselves. If he/she isn't in a crib it isn't going to be possible to wait to go in the room though, once the crying starts, because little jonny will come running to you. So, I suggest reverse the "wait to go in longer and longer", to stay in the room with him/her longer at first shortening the time you stay as you go. I have six kids, I laid on the floor next to the bed and we held hands until they fell asleep, then I would leave before they fell asleep but were laying in bed calmly and made the time I spent in there shorter and shorter.

If it isn't a fear of your being gone issue, or bad dreams and they just are rebelling against being in their bed then I would suggest bed time story in bed, hugs, kisses, give the teddy or special blanket/toy, night light and a "good night, time to sleep now, I love you", then out the door. When they get up pick them up give him/her a squeeze say little nothing else than "you're okay I love you, time to sleep" and right back to bed, repeat until they stay in bed. Plan out a good weekend to set aside (for lack of sleep on your part and allowing him to be cranky during the day from being up) and be consistent.