My girlfriend just told me after a year and a half of dating that she was a stripper when we met and started dating. She says she never told me because she knew I would never date a stripper and she did not want to lose me. She said she quit after we dated for three weeks because she saw our relationship going some where serious and she knew how I felt about it. I almost walked out on her, but I am trying to hang in there and push my intense disgust for this out of my mind because I love her. Can I trust her? Should I believe her? Would you stay?

I don't see what the problem is. She is still the same person who you fell in love with. She quit to be with you and because she knew you wouldn't approve. It probably took a lot for her to tell you and if she was lying to you about quitting she probably never would have told her.

Stripping is a hard job to quit. You should hug her and tell her you love her and thank her for feeling so safe in your relationship that she can tell you anything.

Interesting, I don't mean to be nosy BUT did she comment about any sexual relations while stripping. I ask because those places obviously attract men that look and some who want more than that. If she just did it for money and needed a job than no probs there, if however there was more than you should know that.

Hi hollywoodAE,

Well that fact that she quit is a good thing, but the that it took her a year & 1/2 to tell you isn't cool. But if that is the only bad thing that she has done, than I would stick it out with her. And yes trust her, maybe she just didn't know how to really tell you!

Just remember, she quit because she was with you and wanted to be with you! So that should tell you something!

You mean to say you never knew what kind of work she did for the first 3 weeks you dated her? And you're just now finding out about this part of her after 1 1/2 years? I think you have a bigger problem than disliking strippers. I certainly don't blame you for feeling that way as I would certainly never date a stripper either. But how well do the two of you communicate? Based on the tone of your post I'd say very poorly. To not know about this job of hers until 1 1/2 years after the fact doesn't sound good. In order for this to succeed the two of you are going to have to work very hard on your communication skills. And keep in mind that she did give up the stripper job 1 1/2 years ago.

It seems she wants to be with you and to be open about her past. Glinda is correct stating that's a difficult job to quit. The money's said to be quite good and the attention she must have received would be difficult to loose. You shouldn't let this information get in your way.

You should be proud she picked you!

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Originally Posted by BMI

Interesting, i don't mean to be nosy BUT did she comment about any sexual relations while stripping. I ask b/c those places obviously attract men that look and some who want more than that. If she just did it for money and needed a job than no probs there, if however there was more than you should know that.

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Yeah but not all the girls are looking to making money on the side. I've known plenty of strippers (a friend of mine used to be a floor boss at Scores) those girls strip because its fast, easy money. Sure there are girls who hook but that's few and far between especially considering that will get you fired and blacklisted from good clubs.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I don't see what the problem is. She is still the same person who you fell in love with. She quit to be with you and because she knew you wouldn't approve. It probably took a lot for her to tell you and if she was lying to you about quitting she probably never would have told her.

Stripping is a hard job to quit. You should hug her and tell her you love her and thank her for feeling so safe in your relationship that she can tell you anything.

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I agree. If everyone judged people on their past then no one would ever be with anyone. You've made mistakes and done things you weren't proud of, and so has she.

Accept her for who she is, who she wants to be and that she wants to be with you. Telling you that truth took a long time and if you want a good relationship then follow Glinda's advice. Accept her, thank her verbally (or written), hug her, and reassure her that you love her and want her.

If this seems foreign to you, put the shoe on your foot. How would you feel if you had this big, dark secret and you finally worked up the courage to admit it to the person you love and they shunned you for it? Doesn't sound much like love, does it?

You're supposed to be able to admit your faults and mistakes to the person that loves you. That's the point of a relationship, someone accepting you for who you are. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be there. She took a huge step and trusted you and made herself vulnerable. If you love her, this is your opportunity to prove it.

I do love her and I am happy she opened up to me about it finally and I have done nothing but tell her I love her and that the past is the past, (since I decided not to leave, my first knee-jerk reaction was to storm out and break it off).. but with out realizing it there was many times during our relationship I pushed her pretty hard not tell me, I would say things like 'There is no way I would ever be with someone who did that' She would ask 'what if they... 'fill in the blank'.. I would always respond the same way... 'i would walk away and never look back.' So I understand that she didn't tell me out of fear of losing me, but the fact remains she lied about being part of a very sketchy industry that is known to be full of lairs, prostitutes and shady people,(I am not saying they all are... I am not that blind) but I just find myself wondering what else she hasn't told me.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I don't see what the problem is. She is still the same person who you fell in love with. She quit to be with you and because she knew you wouldn't approve. It probably took a lot for her to tell you and if she was lying to you about quitting she probably never would have told her.

Stripping is a hard job to quit. You should hug her and tell her you love her and thank her for feeling so safe in your relationship that she can tell you anything.

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Glinda.. got the spread it message when agreeing with you.

I too feel that he should love her as he did before and yes, be reassured that she does love him and just had to wait for the 'right' time to tell him, even fearing his rejection.

She took a big step, now it's up to him to prove he was worth it all.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_17.gifAlmost PERFECT is all we are going to get in life. Don't make it hard on each other.

Once the lie has been made than it is soooooo true that you feel as if this may be the tip of the iceberg. What else do you not know, not to suggest there may be anything but as a guy I can relate, either you can push past it and grow with the relationship or ultimately it will ruin the relationship. I totally see your point of view and your cause for concern.

I would say that first, you judge this girl by who she is not, who cares what she did one year or 4 years ago. Next though the years I have known many strippers, and many were just college girls working their way though school ( no sex, just dancing) And even professionals who would make 100's per night dancing.

So the fact she gave this up, means she cared for you a lot. And you must be obsessed with this issue to make her scared to tell you.

I would say get over it, the past is the past, she never even had to tell you.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Stripping is a hard job to quit.

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That made me laugh.. Don't know why exactly - but I enjoyed that sentiment.

Anyway, I know what you are saying G...

I think as long as she never makes you feel insecure or weird about anything and is loyal and caring - no problem... She's sexy and needed money and it's done.

But honestly, if you don't feel 100% about this - and in a few months it gets worse - I'd walk. This may not be the girl for you. Some guys could care less... but others (me included) might be taken aback.