Hi. I have a very bad situation on my hands. See, I'm 13 and my parents MIGHT get a divorce because of me. See, I saw my mom doing somwthing that she shouldn't have been doing (making out with a friend of her and my dad's when she was drunk) and I told my dad because I was scared and confused. Now they keep getting into fights every night, and my dad is starting to get kind of... kinda... well... rough/abusive... What should I do. My mom, who used to NEVER get drunk is now starting to turn into my father and quite frankly, I can't handel ANYMORE stress right now... What should I do?? PLEASE HELP ME!!
Kirsten

There is nothing you can do... your parents will need to sort these things out; sometimes adults ignore things until the tension becomes overwhelming and then they blow a fuse.

If you have a family whereas you can sit down with the two of them, let both of them know how much you love, care and depend on them staying together
Let them know your concern,, in a respectable fashion, of course. If not, then just know this was not your fault.. we all have to stand accountable to our own actions. One note of thought... if you ever have a question, it is always safer to go directly to the source.

Hi,
You are completely stressed out! It is understandable, and a normal reaction.
But, there is no quick answer as to what you should do; as your question is seeking a quick answer.
If you had not told your father about what happened, it would have come out eventually... so don't be feel that you are the one who brought this out.
Your parents will have to work this out by themselves.
It would help you to talk with someone about it, express your feelings and your concern. Maybe talk with a minister, priest, or anyone you feel will keep it confidential for you.
Best of luck,
fredg

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Originally Posted by TygeressDemon

Hi. I have a very bad situation on my hands. See, I'm 13 and my parents MIGHT get a divorce because of me. See, I saw my mom doing somwthing that she shouldn't have been doing (making out with a friend of her and my dad's when she was drunk) and I told my dad because I was scared and confused. Now they keep getting into fights everynight, and my dad is starting to get kinda.......kinda.......well.....rough/abusive..... What should I do. My mom, who used to NEVER get drunk is now starting to turn into my father and quite frankly, I can't handel ANYMORE stress right now..... What should I do???? PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Kirsten

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Know this. You are not causing the divorce. Even if you didn't find out and reported it to your dad, husbands and wives eventually find these things out themselves and end up getting nasty anyway. Don't feel guilty, it is NOT your fault. Let your parents figure it out themselves. Ok, kiddo?

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Originally Posted by TygeressDemon

Hi. I have a very bad situation on my hands. See, I'm 13 and my parents MIGHT get a divorce because of me. See, I saw my mom doing somwthing that she shouldn't have been doing (making out with a friend of her and my dad's when she was drunk) and I told my dad because I was scared and confused. Now they keep getting into fights everynight, and my dad is starting to get kinda.......kinda.......well.....rough/abusive..... What should I do. My mom, who used to NEVER get drunk is now starting to turn into my father and quite frankly, I can't handel ANYMORE stress right now..... What should I do???? PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Kirsten

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You need to tell your parents, excatly how you feel, yes your feeling excatly what is on your mind. Be truthful. Don't be afraid to speak the truth about your feelings.


mr.yet

I have a 13 year-old and am going through a divorce.

I would never bear a grudge against my child for chosing to do what he/she thought was right. I would be proud of my daughter/son for speaking out.

It must have been very hard for you. If it were me I would feel guilty or believe I betrayed my Mom or "took sides" with my Dad by telling him what I saw.

Please understand, as a parent, I expect my child to come to me when he/she doesn't know what to do and to tell me anything that hurts him/her no matter what. I'm sure your parents feel this way, too.

Parents are people... not perfect, unfortunately.
Growing-up doesn't stop when you are 18 or 21... it never stops. Painful, confusing times can motivate personal growth. But sometimes it is all a person can do just to cope with the process.
I am certain your parents love you. They may regret a lot of their words and deeds when they recover.
Just remember, at the end of this all three of you will be different people. It all depends on how each of you chooses to cope.

Ignoring something doesn't make it go away. Screaming or physical force doesn't make it go away either.
Most of the time, in my experience, looking inside myself for the answer and make the change is the key. Not looking out at each other placing blame.

Look inside yourself, I'm sure you will find the courage to experience your feelings, ugly and painful as they maybe. I know you can survive by your own resources and with no cructches.
You proved this to me twice and I never met you. You had the sense to reach out when you needed help. With your Dad and on with this forum.
I am proud of your effort to sort this out. It isn't your responsibility. At 13 your responsibility is to yourself. Find the place inside that brings you peace and strength and hold on.

Understand that nothing here is your fault. You didn't cause your mom to make out with the friend in question. Your father would have eventually found out for himself some other way had you not told. There are many long-standing problems in your parents marriage that have absolutely nothing to do with you. The behavior you witnessed was simply a manifestation of those problems. Your parents' marriage was over long before you ever saw your mother making out with this other person. Your father is justified in being upset over this, although he needs to assess what his part was in contributing to the downfall of his marriage to your mother. You seem to suggest in your post that your father has a history of alchoholism and abuse. If that's the case, then your mother's behavior may be understood if not condoned. Either way, you're not to be blamed for anything. If your parents do divorce, you'll have to make the best of the situation. If your father does in fact have a history of alchoholism and abuse, then I'd advise against you living with him. If your mother has a similar history, then you may want to consider living with a trusted relative. Do what you know to be right despite your parents' messed-up lives. They may destroy their own lives but they don't have the power to destroy yours unless you give them that power. On the bright side, if you keep your grades up and participate in extra-curricular activities, having divorced parents will weigh very heavily in your favor when applying for financial assistance for college. You may get a free ride or nearly free ride.

This is not your fault! You did the right thing. Maybe if you tell your parents what you see happening and tell them how it is affecting you they will understand and stop acting the way they are because it just isn't right. But going to someone you trust (Minister, counselor, etc.) that can either advise or mediate for you in a confidential way might be best if you are afraid that there would be any abusive behavior that you can't handle.

Being 13 and put in such a terrible position you must be hurting terribly. But please know that its not your fault.

I wish you the best! And hope that your parents realize that the way they are acting is not helping the situation but instead hurting their child even more than the original incident did.

You can't be the reason, they have there own relationships.
Look, everything will be OK soon, try to be patient. You simply have the changes.

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Originally Posted by TygeressDemon

Hi. I have a very bad situation on my hands. See, I'm 13 and my parents MIGHT get a divorce because of me. See, I saw my mom doing somwthing that she shouldn't have been doing (making out with a friend of her and my dad's when she was drunk) and I told my dad because I was scared and confused. Now they keep getting into fights everynight, and my dad is starting to get kinda.......kinda.......well.....rough/abusive..... What should I do. My mom, who used to NEVER get drunk is now starting to turn into my father and quite frankly, I can't handel ANYMORE stress right now..... What should I do???? PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Kirsten

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Hi dear, it's me... and I will help you, not anyone else in your family. Your mom started drinking and I think you know why - she's gone through a denial stage due to what happened to you in your short 13 years. Right now, in my opinion, it could not have happened at a better time. And you need to be with foster parents so that you can have a normal life. You only have a few more years to go, and I want those years to benefit YOU. Your parents are grown up and know exactly what they have done and what they are doing, so you should not worry about them at all. Once you have gained some distance from them both, and they realize the crap they put you through, then the mending might be possible, but until then, the best for you is to get the heck out of there and start over. You don't want to wind up like them, and you know what I mean. So, get out of that stress and do something for yourself for a change, not them. Bless you and keep us posted - and remember YOU count here, not them. Please don't make excuses for them and try to tell me I don't understand, because I do - more than you think. You deserve a healthy and happy future and it's not there where you are right now. Always there for you, Chery