Ask Me Help Desk - Intense baby feelings.

There are some days, like today, where I have an incredible urge to want to have a baby. Some days I have the feeling more than others, but it's an incredibly emotional feeling and everything in my body is telling me to HAVE A BABY today! I even drempt last night that I would have one. I know that people will probably tell me different reasons as to why it's a bad idea to get pregnant right now, and that's OK.. I would like to hear why, but please, don' tell me that it's a dumb or outrageous idea, because I am just trying to learn why it's a good idea to wait. I feel like people always jump to saying "don't have a baby right now, you're crazy" but before you list why I shouldn't have a baby, just know that I am completely capable and would be a great mother.. I guess I am censoring this because I feel like people are quick to judge on this site, and it's just a question that has been on my mind all morning. I don't want to feel like an idiot just for being curious. I hope this made sense... and I hope it's not rude, I just want some happy advise :) thanks for anything!

How old are you?

If you feel you are financially and emotionally ready to have a baby, I say go for it. No one can tell when you are ready to have a baby, only you can. People can tell you it's a dumb idea all they want, but in the end the decision is yours.

If you don't feel you have the finances, or the abilities, to care for a child right now, then yes, it is a good idea to wait.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

How old are you?

If you feel you are financially and emotionally ready to have a baby, I say go for it. No one can tell when you are ready to have a baby, only you can. People can tell you its a dumb idea all they want, but in the end the decision is yours.

If you dont feel you have the finances, or the abilities, to care for a child right now, then yes, it is a good idea to wait.

Cool, thanks. I am twenty, financially secure but not wealthy, and engaged to be married. It's manageble, I just am curious what to know all the difficulties of having a child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

How old are you?

If you feel you are financially and emotionally ready to have a baby, I say go for it. No one can tell when you are ready to have a baby, only you can. People can tell you its a dumb idea all they want, but in the end the decision is yours.

If you dont feel you have the finances, or the abilities, to care for a child right now, then yes, it is a good idea to wait.

Good song quote too, by the way.

Having a child can be difficult, but it not always is. You have to deal with breastfeeding/formula feeding, whichever you choose. Feeding in the middle of the night (you lose a good amount of sleep the first few months). Buying clothes, baby furniture, diapers, bottles, wipes, etc. Everything that be baby needs. Dealing with them when they are sick. Making sure they are taken care of in every way possible, to put it in a nutshell.

But the best thing is when you look into your baby's eyes and realize that you are their entire universe. They love you, and depend on you, more than anything, and that to me, is the best feeling in the world. Watching them grow up is always fun. Watching them develop physically and mentally. Playing with them. Watching them the first time they roll over, crawl and walk. Those are the best feelings in the world. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Having a child can be difficult, but it not always is. You have to deal with breastfeeding/formula feeding, whichever you choose. Feeding in the middle of the night (you lose a good amount of sleep the first few months). Buying clothes, baby furniture, diapers, bottles, wipes, etc. Everything that be baby needs. Dealing with them when they are sick. Making sure they are taken care of in every way possible, to put it in a nutshell.

But the best thing is when you look into your baby's eyes and realize that you are their entire universe. They love you, and depend on you, more than anything, and that to me, is the best feeling in the world. Watching them grow up is always fun. Watching them develop physically and mentally. Playing with them. Watching them the first time they roll over, crawl and walk. Those are the best feelings in the world. :)

This gave me butterflies :) I can't stop smiling!

I'm glad you are so excited at the thought of having a baby. It is not something to be taken lightly. Just remember, parenting has its ups and downs just like everything else in life, but in the end, the payoff is worth it. :)

First off, please understand that I am not judging you...

If you are engaged, you may want to consider waiting until after the wedding before becoming pregnant. Not so much for marriage purposes, although it is harder for one person to walk out of a marriage than it is to walk out of an engagement when times get tough. And times do get tough.

My other reasons are the stress of wedding planning, etc, can make it hard to get pregnant if you are trying. Stress can really be a factor in delaying pregnancies. The stress can also play a role in your health when you are pregnant.

Make sure you BOTH are ready for a lifetime commitment like a child, just not you.

Babies come with expenses, I know you said you are financially stable, and I don't know where you are from, but insurance is a miracle, if something should happen to baby. Vaccinations are extremely expensive and are necessary for them to start school in most places. Definitely in the US.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page as far as parenting goes. This is especially important where discipline is concerned.

Just remember that there are stressful times during and after pregnancy, you want to make sure you are both ready for this. And yes, when you look into your baby's eyes, it will take you worlds away. Every milestone is a miracle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

First off, please understand that I am not judging you....

If you are engaged, you may want to consider waiting until after the wedding before becoming pregnant. Not so much for marriage purposes, although it is harder for one person to walk out of a marriage than it is to walk out of an engagement when times get tough. And times do get tough.

My other reasons are the stress of wedding planning, etc, can make it hard to get pregnant if you are trying. Stress can really be a factor in delaying pregnancies. The stress can also play a role in your health when you are pregnant.

Make sure you BOTH are ready for a lifetime commitment like a child, just not you.

Babies come with expenses, I know you said you are financially stable, and I don't know where you are from, but insurance is a miracle, if something should happen to baby. Vaccinations are extremely expensive and are necessary for them to start school in most places. Definitely in the US.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page as far as parenting goes. This is especially important where discipline is concerned.

Just remember that there are stressful times during and after pregnancy, you want to make sure you are both ready for this. And yes, when you look into your baby's eyes, it will take you worlds away. Every milestone is a miracle.

Thanks so much! I appreciate your thoughts and conscerns :) I understand where you are coming from, and you're right. I know that things will work out better if we wait to have a child after the wedding... but that is so far away. We can't get married for 2 more years. I think the reason I want to have a child so badly is because we (my fiancé and I) have moved away from home to a new state. We have been here for a year and I am working while he finishes school. Everyone seems to be carrying on with life and I feel so disconnected from everything. I feel like having a baby will give me a family to take with me wherever I go.. I can see how that may sound like a "selfish" thought, but when I stop and ponder why it might be selfish I have a hard time understanding why. #1. I am capable financially #2. I am emotionally stable #3. I have good morals & ethics #4. I would give my baby all the love in the world. #5 All of my family and friends would support me.

I guess I just wonder why there is a set time when people say "I am ready for a baby" and why I can't just be ready now. My mom was 17 when she had me, living in a bus... I am so much better off than she was and I turned out fine. I wonder why, if I do feel like I am ready.. there is something holding me back. I have thought a lot about this.. It seems society is always saying "you're too young or not ready".

Perhaps I am over-analyzing everything & I should just let the feeling pass. I am probably not making any sense... Every time I try and type out my thoughts they don't come out right.

Well I don't want to burst your bubble, but having a baby is more than a notion or an urge. You say you guys aren't ready for marriage for a couple of years as he is still in school, why do you think you are ready for a baby? Raising a baby intailes more then money.
If he is in school, I take it that you will be pulling the financial weight for this child as well as most of the emotional and physical because his priority will be and should be school.
The purpose of having a baby is not to make you feel connected and take you where you want to go. When you have a child, it is not about you.
How does your fiancé feel about this? You both are going to need to want this child, because to give it the best, it's going to take both of you.
Perhaps this moving away from family is what has brought the feeling on. Give yourself time to settle in, let you fiancé get his degree, you two get married or at least get on the same page about want and how to parent, then re think it.

How is this a bubble burster? I asked, and appreciate your answer.
He graduates in 3 months and has a very secure job lined up. Yes, he knows my thoughts and we both have talked about a child. The "urge" has been in me for a long time, and I have more than money to give my child if you read what I posted before. I disagree when you say having a child isn't about "you", it's part of me isn't it? I should decide for myself if I want a child (of course with my man too), the baby won't decide for me. And this doesn't mean I am going to have a baby, I was just curious. We are ready for marriage, we have talked about running away to wed several times, but we want our dream wedding and to have it work perfectly we must wait that long.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Balloons33

there are some days, like today, where i have an incredible urge to want to have a baby. some days i have the feeling more than others, but it's an incredibly emotional feeling and everything in my body is telling me to HAVE A BABY today! i even drempt last night that i would have one. i know that people will probably tell me different reasons as to why it's a bad idea to get pregnant right now, and that's ok..i would like to hear why, but please, don' tell me that it's a dumb or outrageous idea, because i am just trying to learn why it's a good idea to wait. i feel like poeple always jump to saying "don't have a baby right now, you're crazy" but before you list why i shouldn't have a baby, just know that i am completely capable and would be a great mother.. i guess i am censoring this because i feel like people are quick to judge on this site, and it's just a question that has been on my mind all morning. i don't want to feel like an idiot just for being curious. i hope this made sense...and i hope it's not rude, i just want some happy advise :) thanks for anything!

Having a baby is the most beautiful thing that have happened to me, but you need to be sure you are ready to give her all your time and love forever before you make the decision of getting pregnant

Quote:

Originally Posted by ysabelangel

Having a baby is the most beautiful thing that have happened to me, but you need to be sure you are ready to give her all your time and love forever before you make the decision of getting pregnant

smiles x 1,000

When I say a baby is not about you, I mean that when you have a child, it is all about the child, the raising of that child. The providing for, emotional as well as physical.
So when you decide to have one, don't do it because you feel displaced or disconnected, but because the two of you feel that it is time, and you have the time to devote to the rearing of a child. You two have your partying out of the way, you have settled into our relationship with each other and it's time you added to the mix. That your relationship is strong enough that it can stand the strain of a child. (because it will strain a relationship. Your lives will change drastically.)

Yes, a child is the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone when they are ready. Many young girls are not ready and that can be horrible to all parties involved, mother, father, and child alike.

It's good that you have your dream wedding planned, keep it up. The baby will come when the time is right.

All of us girls have urges to get pregnant when we are young, it's just good to have a plan. And you do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

All of us girls have urges to get pregnant when we are young, it's just good to have a plan..

That's exactly what I wanted to hear. I was hoping that other women would say that it's a feeling we all get.

Yup, it's a feeling we all get. I have been there done that, and am there again. I have 4 children that range in age from 21 all the way down to 5. I would love to have another, but it is not possible for me.

It is just our nurturing instinct.