Ask Me Help Desk - Growing apart

Ok I got married really young. We got married when I was nineteen. He is the only man that I have ever been with. Over the past couple of years I have become a different person. I have started to question everything including my marriage. I love my husband but do not think that I am in love with him anymore. The spark is gone. Our sex life is down the drain. I do not know what to do. I want to figure out what will make me happy but am afraid of leaving and then realizing that it was a mistake. I have talked to him about this issue and he says that he will make things better but then shortly after that everything goes back to the way it was. I feel like he is happy with the status quo and either does not care that I am unhappy or thinks that it will just blow over. A marriage is suppose to grow and evolve but I think that we are growing apart instead. A part of me thinks that I am just being immature and need to grow up but another part of me thinks that if I am not happy then why stay. Please help!

Don't make decisions based on your emotions. You took a vow for better or for worse, don't concentrate so much on how you feel, feelings are subject to change, theirfore we cannot always rely upon our emotions. Try a little bit harder to work on your marriage don't let your feelings over power you, and remember happiness starts the moment you decide to be happy

We all grow and change no matter what our age is. After a number of years we are not the same person we were before, Just like you changed your husband changed, the problem is you did not change "together".
If you both want to make this work, start counseling, you can grow back together nromally.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marily

Dont make decisions based on your emotions. You took a vow for better or for worse, don't concentrate so much on how you feel, feelings are subject to change, theirfore we cannot always rely upon our emotions. Try a little bit harder to work on your marriage dont let your feelings over power you, and remember happiness starts the moment you decide to be happy

I am going to have to disagree with you there. Not following your emotions? Sticking to the vow? This is one of several reasons women who are abused stay with their husbands. I agree with chuck about the counseling, but if that doesn't work... FOLLOW your emotions.

Hello.

Sending you're a Great Big Hug.

What your going through is normal, almost every couple has this same problem and there is only one way to make it through this. Get that spark back. Make every day as exciting as it was at first.

Now that means a lot of work on your part, If your wanting to make it work then start doing all the little things you know makes him happy and in time he will start doing them for you. Its not going to be fast so don't let the little things get you down, look at the big picture. Its not all sexual so remember the little things are a sweet smile and a real kiss and hug. A note in his lunch.

Dennis777

Quote:

Originally Posted by skwalton

Ok I got married really young. We got married when I was nineteen. He is the only man that I have ever been with. Over the past couple of years I have become a different person. I have started to question everything including my marriage. I love my husband but do not think that I am in love with him anymore. The spark is gone. Our sex life is down the drain. I do not know what to do. I want to figure out what will make me happy but am afraid of leaving and then realizing that it was a mistake. I have talked to him about this issue and he says that he will make things better but then shortly after that everything goes back to the way it was. I feel like he is happy with the status quo and either does not care that I am unhappy or thinks that it will just blow over. A marriage is suppose to grow and evolve but I think that we are growing apart instead. A part of me thinks that I am just being immature and need to grow up but another part of me thinks that if I am not happy then why stay. Please help!

That's not a reason to leave. God invented Marriage so ask Him what to do. If you give up you may really hate yourself then! Been married 26 years and have been through that and more, and I like myself a lot better knowing we have made it through tough times, and surviving the hard times are what make people close. Closeness doesn't come free, its expensive sometimes and you don't pay for it with money. Don't give up, cause the grass is NOT greener on anyone else's lawn.

Since there are several comments here from a religious perspective, I'll add one from a secular one. You are here for a very short time, this is all the time that you have. So, you need to decide if your time is being spent how you want it, or whether you are continuing due to other pressures. If the relationship isn't working then get out, you may never find the perfect person, but if searching for this person is a more pleasing alternative to staying with one you are not happy with...