I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months we love each other and the chemistry between us is still the same as it was the 1st night we spent 2geth. He has a lot of probs with me having a past before he came along he wanted to know everyone id been out with an I believe that my past is my past its not a bad one but he should love me for how I am with him anyway he won't stop asking queations and giving me a hard time cause I neva told him the truth from the start he knows it all now but he is very paranoid an it scares me sometimes. He has cheated on me an I forgave him I know I sound stupid but I love him an give him another chance now he says he knows he is pushing me away an being nasty for no reason he says he can't change his paranoia what should I do I have told him if he can't let my past go and if he can't treat me the way I deserve I can't stay with him its so hard cause I feel like we love each other but he is not making me happy please help?:(

It sounds like you already know what you need to do.

Your past should not matter. Any man who would judge you on your past is not the right man for you. You deserve to not have your past flung in your face and I'm sure he used it as an excuse to cheat.

If he isn't making you happy then you should not stay. Your relationship should lift you up, make you feel good and make you feel like you have a constant support system built into this person. This guy is doing none of these things. You deserve to not be judged.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

It sounds like you already know what you need to do.

Your past should not matter. Any man who would judge you on your past is not the right man for you. You deserve to not have your past flung in your face and I'm sure he used it as an excuse to cheat.

If he isn't making you happy then you should not stay. Your relationship should lift you up, make you feel good and make you feel like you have a constant support system built into this person. This guy is doing none of these things. You deserve to not be judged.

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And to this I'll add that's it's also a two-way street as far as he's concerned ; if he's not happy in his relationship with you, either because of your past or whatever other reason there may be, then he should be honest about it and fly the coop. That's preferable to him cheating and constantly wanting to throw your past in your face.

Well I'm not sure how old you are, but you sound young, and having a relationship like this isn't good. You deserve to be happy, and he's not making you happy. You know that you have to end your relationship, you basically said it yourself. Do yourself a favor and end it sooner then later.

I really don't believe you 'love' each other. This sounds like part paranoia, part curiosity and a large part fearing that you'll not find someone to share life with so you'll take what you've got. He is using you for his own benefit so please be kind to yourself and reflect on what you really want in life.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by lenny06chic

I feel like we love eachother

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Either you do love each other or you don't. Knowing and feeling are to different things. I feel you don't love him.

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Originally Posted by lenny06chic

but he is not making me happy please help?:(

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If he's not making you happy now do you think he's going to make you happy years down the road. I would end the relationship and move on without him. Help yourself and find someone who will make you happy without the drama.

Just tell him your past and see what happens. If he can't live with it than move on, but if you don't tell him it's just going to drag on and get worse (ie. Resentment and bitterness). Relevant or not (the past), honesty is essential in any relationship. Get it out of the way, both of you, and move forward asap.

Hello.

You're a special Lady and should be treated that way. Anything less is not going to work. I know that sounds cut and dry but it is. If at this point in your relationship he can't deal with your past he will never deal with your future. He has a lot of growing up to do and its not going to help him by you standing by his side letting him play his mind games. So for him and for you tell him like it is. He gets over the past that can't be changed anyway or there will not be a future.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Here is a very valuable lesson that I learned and learned the hard way. And to be honest with you it's the way I live my life now. If someone that you are in a relationship with is always worried about where you are and what your doing and who you have been with before you met them, they are usually up to no good themselves and your post proves it by you saying he cheated on you. Well, well, well isn't he the pot calling the kettle black. He is so concerned about who you have been with but didn't give to hoots about disrespecting you and cheating on you. He wants to know all this stuff because he knows what he is doing to you and is trying to find out what your doing and what you have done. Get rid of this loser, there are so many good guys out there sweety!!

Honey, the dude is a disrespectful, power-crazy person. Dump him and the horse he rides - as long as it's not you any longer.

Nobody should have power over another- not in any relationship.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Honey, the dude is a disrespectful, power-crazy person. Dump him and the horse he rides - as long as it's not you any longer.

Nobody should have power over another- not in any relationship.

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Very well put!!

No way does this relationship sound healthy or loving and supportive. I think you could do better, because it will get worse the longer you stay

Thank you so much for the advice I know he is no good for me but I can't help love him I don't trust him after the way he has treated me an deep down I know he gives me a hard time over my past because he can't give me a hard time ova how I have been since we met because I was nothing but faithful , we have spoke once in 3 days an he has said he is sorry for being the way he is but he can't change an he will always be paranoid I just feel such a fool an wish I knew how to get over him we have ended it but am full of anger for letting him treat me that way an don't know what to do

I know how you feel. I had an ex-boyfriend who coaxed out of me some of my skeletons then constantly threw it in my face. He was so upset because he felt that we were no longer equals. He felt that he could not be with me for a long time because he would need to "catch up".

Some guys are just really insecure. But I remember being so angry because I had been so hesitant about telling him about my past and he reassured me that he would never judge me for things I had done in my past.

All you can do is recognize that he is not the right person for you. Someone who really loved you would never judge you. Cut him away from your life because no one should ever make you feel bad about the choices you have made in this life. You are too good for that. Keep you head up honey.

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I just feel such a fool an wish I knew how to get over him we have ended it but am full of anger for letting him treat me that way an don't know what to do

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Cut off all contact from him and do the things that brought you happiness before he came along, and find new things you enjoy doing. Time and NO CONTACT will eventually allow you to move ahead, and put him in the past where he belongs. Love yourself, and treat yourself better, and you will not be angry at yourself any longer. Don't let loser boy, bring you down with his problems. Absolutely no CONTACT with him.

OK, just as in cooking recipies, there is no patented way to enter a relationship without making a few mistakes.
Just like in cooking, you learn what to add and what to leave out the next time you make the same 'dish'.
This is all part of living and learning in any step of the way of our growth.
The more you learn the better you'll get in the future.

Does that sound like what mostly everyone else says? Yup, because it's true.

Honey, take the anger you have and mold it into something positive. First, forgive yourself - tell yourself you are human, wonderful, that you made a mistake and go on from there.

Find something you are really good at and focus on this for at least a week.
If it is writing, be productive. If it is painting or sewing, create something new. If it is cooking, come up with a new recipe. Change your hair - color or style - so that you see someone you are not angry at all the time when looking in the mirror. Shuck those old things that remind you of your little mistake and replace them with something completely neutral.

We are with you and will try to help where we can, so keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gif You should give yourself a chance to like YOU again.

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Originally Posted by lenny06chic

Thank you so much for the advice i know he is no good for me but i can't help love him

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Why? I agree with everybody else that says he has problems but what about you says that being cheated on and disrespect is something YOU allow?

Before you date anybody again you need to answer that question and take steps to assure that it doesn't happen again. There are a lot of guys that won't cheat but if you don't give yourself permission to date them, you'll be stuck with losers like you have now time and again.

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Originally Posted by lenny06chic

we have spoke once in 3 days an he has said he is sorry for bein the way he is but he can't change an he will always be paranoid

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Can't or won't? He could seek out a councelor or try to pinpoint the problem and correct it. Instead he chooses not to change because he really doesn't want to. Nor is it your job to change him, nor can you.

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Originally Posted by lenny06chic

i just feel such a fool an wish i knew how to get over him we have ended it but am full of anger for lettin him treat me that way an dont know what to do

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Your full of anger when you should be filled with happiness for finally cutting free that emotional baggage.