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-   -   I was brushed off now I am getting the cold shoulder (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=117509)

  • Aug 7, 2007, 04:21 PM
    wanting others advice
    I was brushed off now I am getting the cold shoulder
    So I am feeling unaprieated. All weekend I help my hubby do his construction job which I enjoyed. So on mon we are working away and he gets a call to go golfing. So he works faster then he does all weekend to get done,(and doesn't get done) tells me that this and that needs to be put away. So he leaves I am in tears and then when he gets home with nachos (I didn't eat I had eaten already) ask me what is wrong. So I tell him that he brushed me off and I felt used and unaprieated. He turns the whole thing around and tells me it is all in my, again I am crying go to the living room and say to him why do you ask if your not going to listen. So he goes to the garage and I go to bed. Tues morning he leaves no good bye or nothing. Tues evening he screws off to the restaurant and I am here typing this. Am I in the wrong? I wanted to finish what he had to do come home make dinner and then go on the seadoos. It was a long weekend and we did nothing cause he had to work. I told him this after he asked me, he never even gave me a chance to say that to him, His buddy called and he totally brushed me off.
  • Aug 7, 2007, 06:53 PM
    jrb252000
    You and your husband seem to have a communication problem. I don't think he should have bailed and left you with the work. Some people like to just do things at the spur of the moment and if you didn't set definite plans your husband probably didn't see a problem with skipping out. I would try explaining to him you wanted some "us" time and see where it goes.
  • Aug 16, 2007, 12:14 PM
    Bluerose
    I agree wit jrb252000. I think he just jumped at the chance of a break and now, knowing how you felt about being left on your own, he feels guilty. Sit down and talk. Let him know that you would like a bit of notice when he plans to go golfing, that way you can arrange to do something too instead of feeling abandoned.
  • Aug 16, 2007, 01:41 PM
    kp2171
    Mixed up communication all over.

    Guys can be clueless. I'm one. I know.

    His brushing you off might have been thoughtless, and it also might have had nothing to do with trying to ignore you.

    So... I think all the noise now is the aftermath nonsense. Don't worry about who did what to whom or who is right and wrong. Maybe he just really wanted to go golfing and didn't think about you... I know, that's what upset you... on the flip side my wife has called me, after making plans for a night out with people from work, leaving me high and dry after planning an evening with her. Whose fault? Ours.

    Now... if this is something that keeps happening, its not OK. And honestly, he's advoiding the issue and that's childish. And making this be something that is dominating your world is also a little silly, unless it happens over and over.

    Sometimes you hurt someone and you didn't mean to. Sometimes you get hurt and you are allowed to feel slighted.

    My wife sometimes tells me I need "cave time"... this is usually when I'm stomping around the house for no apparent reason. Much of the time I'm not trying to be a drama queen, I'm just in a funk. Sometimes sex helps. Sometimes I need time away and alone, or time outside the relationship. My cave time. I don't know...

    I could be as simple as a round of golf sounded great and he just didn't think about you and your plans. Do you have friends that you can hook up with when he takes off?
  • Aug 16, 2007, 03:18 PM
    talaniman
    I think you both will talk it over in a few days, and iron things out, once the emotions go down a little. Have mercy on the poor thoughtless boob. Don't take it personally
  • Aug 16, 2007, 04:30 PM
    shygrneyzs
    You really do need to sit down and talk to him, without the tears is possible. Rehearse what you need to say, what you need to ask, and tell him that you both need to come to an agreement. When he takes off with his buddies like that, why should you be left to pick up the mess? His lack of concern for your feelings and for the project tell me that everything else is more important. Hopefully that is not so.

    But if he does do that again to you - why sit around and mope and cry about it? If he takes off, why can't you go ahead with something you really wanted to do? Even if it is taking yourself out to lunch and a movie? You do not have to pity yourself about the circumstances. But you can stand up for your needs and how you want the marriage partnership to work.

    NO need to pick up his mess and be his Mom.

    Please talk to him about how you feel. You two need to be on the same page. Good luck.
  • Aug 16, 2007, 07:28 PM
    s_cianci
    I agree with the others. Communication is key here. He's not going to read your mind so you've got to tell him what you need and where you're coming from.
  • Aug 17, 2007, 05:33 AM
    talaniman
    My wife just told me she doesn't care if I drop everything and run off to play with my buddies. She will drop everything and go shopping with my money.

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