I did not realize that me and my husband were having problems... Everything seemed okay until he just hit me with it out of the blue last Tuesday...

We had a long talk and got a lot of things out in the open and the past week has been absolutely wonderful...

My problem and question is... when the "troubles" were going on in him, he went to a co-worker (who I have always thought has some feelings for my husband) and told her that he was thinking about leaving me... and she gave him the advice that he should. Well when we worked things about by communicating... she told him that I was only telling him what he wanted to hear and that I was playing games with him.

I sent her an email thanking her for being a sounding board for my husband and that I was going to do everything in my power to keep my marriage together and that I was not just telling him what he wanted to hear. She never responded but went to my husband and told him that she was mad at him for telling me what she had said to him. Said it was between her and him. She also told him that in the email that I had said that not her or any other woman was going to take him away from me. I never once said that in the email.

I told my husband that I did not appreciate her lying about me to him and that I wish she would just stay out of our business. I asked him just to tell her the next time that we came up in conversation that he did not want to talk about it. He told me he could not do that because they are friends and he is all up in her marriage business as well. I asked him to take up for me when she made negative comments about me. He tells me to quit worrying about it and that I should not be so upset about it. That I should not worry about what she says or the fact that she is in love with him.. that I should be flattered.

Although I told him that I was going to send the email to her... he conveniently forgot that part and told me that I had taken it upon myself to send that email and get into the middle of it. I explained very nicely that I am in the middle of it because I am his wife. And here he pulled a woman into our relationship that first off is in love with him, second off wants to see our marriage crumble and thirdly does not even know me... has never had a conversation with me, does not know our kids, our granddaughter... nothing about us all... and she can get away with talking negatively about me to my husband and he does not stand up for me... why is that? What gives her the right to give advice based only on what he told her?

So what do I do?

You need to tell your husband to cut of communications with her right now. The only way to fix a marriage is with the husband and wife communicating the more people involved that don't hear both sides of the story makes for chaos. If you want to make this marriage work I would suggest counsling.
If your husband continues this friendship with that other woman there is always going to be issues between you.

This is a "me or her" situation. The relationship of "just friends" can turn to something more very easily. Whether it is intentional or not. She already has feelings for your husband. That alone is enough reason for him to stay away.
Where he may have just needed someone to talk to during a rough time - maybe trying to get a woman's prospective - but her intentions are not pure. Her motives are questionable at best.

Talk to your husband about how you feel. If he will not listen and respect your feelings - you may not be in as good of a place as you may think. Counseling is always a good thing. I would highly recommend it.

It is hard to tell him to no longer communicate with this woman because my husband is her boss... they have to see each other and work together everyday. The funny thing about all of this is that she IS NOT even his type... I wish I could go into further detail about why she is not his type but it would probably sound bad.

I agree with NowWhat that I need to tell my husband how you feel and I have done that. He laughs at me and tells me I am worrying over nothing, that he has nothing for her, that she is not his type and even if we were to break up he would never go to someone like her. That I should not be jealous but flattered. He does not seem to want to understand my feelings about the whole thing. I have considered mentioning counseling but I am really very unsure on whether he will go for that.

I feel like I am the one making all the changes to keep our marriage together and as long as I keep my mouth shut, the food made, his clothes ironed, the kids basically ignored because he wants time with just me, be pretty much up his butt when he is home, and sex anytime and every time he wants it... with me initiating (because I have to prove that I want it) then things are fine... oh and work a full time job. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. And he is sitting back enjoying all the benefits.

I really would like to get some men's points of views on this as well.

Look, you aren't happy. That is evident in your post. When you are bending over backwards and not getting much in return - it can eat at you.

I don't buy the "she's not my type" argument. He went to her to share details about his personal life. THe fact that she is an employee is extremely unprofessional - but that is another subject.
He has opened the door. She has admitted to having feelings for him and she has said that he should leave you. What if the shoe was on the other foot? Would he be so quick to say to you to keep this male friend? Probably not. *Keep in mind that all affairs are not just physical - they can be emotional*

The other stuff you mentioned - if that is not working for BOTH of you - then something needs to change. Don't ASK him to go to counseling - you TELL him that you BOTH need to go because you feel like it would help your marriage. You are a part of this relationship. YOur feelings matter.

Your husband diagnosed some problems in your marriage. Unfortunately, he did not handle it in a constructive way. He shouldn't have been addressing his concerns to you, his wife, rather than some 3rd party who maybe has an ulterior motive. I feel that you handled the situation well from your end of it. Next I think that you should ask your husband to stop any and all communication with this co-worker and go to counseling with you. If he won't, then whatever problems exist in your marriage may be beyond your capacity to do anything and you may have to face the fact that this marriage is over.