How long should I wait after the breakup before I can call my ex? I haven't talked to him for about 2 months now and the last time I bumped into him, he told me he misses me, gave me hugs and was sweet to me. When we first broke up, about 4 months ago, he called me for awhile and he kept telling me to call him too, which I NEVER did. Now I still miss him and want to check in just to say hi and see how he is. Yes, I would love to get him back, but I know that I have to play it smooth and make him see that I'm OK without him. I have been dating and going out with friends; basically living my life. But, I just can't seem to get over him and am having a huge urge to contact him. I just don't want him to know that I am still thinking about him because I think that might push him away even further; if that's possible.

I know that most guys want what they can't have and I have tried to go on and put on a happy face. I don't think that, at this point, he has any idea that I am still thinking about him this much.

What do you think? Should I take a chance and call him, just to say hi to see if it opens a door, or should I wait longer and see if I bump into him again, which is probable, given the town we live in?

Thanks!

One great thing - you have a good understanding of what is going on here.

Especially about pushing him away further. You can easily come across as desperate and needy - even if you are not. People are repulsed by this - and, as I think you understand, you can make it much worse - I've been there.

"but I know that i have to play it smooth and make him see that I'm ok without him" - You have a great understanding here.

YES - you can contact him now IF you swear you haven't done so in a couple months.

I would advise an e-mail actually IF he uses it farely regularly. Keep it very simple - NO Pressure, NO RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS, NO DATES.

"Hi -----, how's it going? Wanted to make sure you were doing Ok? Iv'e been crazy busy lately. Anyway take care, ------"

He may not respond right away for a lot of reasons - don't worry about that. This most likely will take more time than you think. If he cares at all he will respond one way or another - maybe by phone?

If he does respond - don't respond right away. This is a slow process if you want him back. You kind of, for lack of another word, want to form a 'frienshisp' - not Friend Zone... but slowly warm him up.

Because initially he WILL have his guard WAY up. You need to show, even if not, your life is great without him and remind him of what he is misisng.

If you don't hear from him hopefully 'accidentally' run into him. You can call, but wait like 10 days - You're Busy!

If he responds... let me know - there is stretegey to follow. THESE AREN'T GAMES!! The are key principles to regain attraction.

Thanks for your insight; your advice is just what I need to set me on the right track. I do not want to make any mistakes here. The thing is, when we were together, he never really used e-mail, so I doubt he is now, although it would be a much less painful experience. :) I think that the only way of contacting him is by phone, which scares me to death. I am so afraid that he won't answer or that he won't call me back, even though he isn't like that. He is actually a really nice guy and always took my feelings into consideration. (which is one of the reasons that I want him back)

So, if I do call him, I do plan on just saying hi, wondering how he is and filling him in on just how BUSY I have been. I don't plan on bringing up the relationship at all. I am just scared at rejection again I guess. Like, why hasn't he called me if he told me he misses me when I saw him last? Is he just being nice?

What should I say in the conversation, or do you think it would be better to "run" into him out, which I said would probably happen within the next couple weeks?


Thanks again!

I'd call then if no e-mail. No text message - none here. If he doesn't pick up - I would advise no message - making him wonder. (womanese) - important. He most likely 100% will call back immediately or a day or two. If he doesn't try again.

Remember - from now on you are BUSY - even if you get back together. You need other things in your life and then this won't be SO PAINFUL!! Always very busy - work, school, hobbies, FRIENDS, workouts, family, etc.

I'd call.

So, I didn't call him! I don't know why, I guess I've just been afraid of the outcome, but it turns out that I didn't need to call him anyway!

I ended up running into him at the grocery store in the parking lot and he got out of his car and came over to talk to me. He asked me how I have been and gave me a big hug. Then he told me that he almost called me a bunch of times, but then he didn't and the longer we didn't talk, the more awkward it got for him to pick up the phone. He still has my number in his phone, which he showed me. He said that he hasn't been doing much lately and then he told me he misses me (which he also told me 2 months ago when I last saw him last). I told him that I miss him too and that I think about him, but I also made it clear that I have been really busy and having a great, fun summer. I did not break down in front of him or question the relationship in any way. So, he said "we should hang out some weekend." I said that would be fine, but I have plans this weekend to go out for my friend's b-day and he said he is going out with friends this weekend too because his friends are going back to school. He said we will definitely have to hang out at the bar this weekend (we will probably all end up at the same one). Then he said he promises to call me this week. I don't know what to think about this...

Any advice would help. I know I still need to play it cool, but it is so hard.
Thanks

That's GREAT hun! I am happy for you.

I know it was impossible and painful to wait this out. BUT, for some reason you HAVE to do this!! You have to!!

He will call. Take your time... NO RUSH. Do not be needy/desperate. You've waited this long. Show him he is part of your life... not your life - he will love you for it.

That worked out well - running into each other.

Thanks for the support. I know, I feel like I've been waiting for this moment and I'm scared to death that I might screw it up. All these thoughts keep running through my head, like: will he call? Is he just being nice? Does he mean it? But then, I do realize that if he really didn't have these feelings of missing me and if he didn't want to spend time with me, he wouldn't have brought it up at all. Right? Am I just thinking too much into this?

Do you think this a step toward us hanging out again and possibly getting back together? How much should I do for my part? I do plan on taking my time and not pushing him, but how do I show my interest still without being overbearing?

Thanks again.

Yes - I think you are good here. You ARE thinking too much into this. I do not believe he is leading you on if all that happened.

Here's the deal - you can never be too scarces and hurt your chances. It's the SMOTHERING, NEEDINESS, CLINGY, CALLING ALL THE TIME, desperate - that WILL ruin your chances.

Just hang out with and show you've changed a little. The words 'hanging out' is great!

Well, I ran into him Monday night and now its Thursday night and he still hasn't called. He promised that he would, his exact words being, "I promise I will call you LATER this week." Then he told me we would have to hang out at the bar this weekend. I am starting to panick and worry that he isn't going to call.

What if he doesn't? I am so scared!!

Your being needy again. You need to run into him this weekend and figure this out. DO NOT CALL HIM. You're busy - and externally YOU DON'T CARE.

This is going to take a lot time. You're busy.

Make sure you look HOT! This weekend.

You need to be a challenge as well for now - NO TELLING HIM HOW YOU FEEL Ok?

I know... I guess its just that I've waited so long to hear him say these things that I had a sudden panick. I absolutely will not ruin this! I made it this far and I didn't call him even once during the last 4 months. The only contact we've had has been when we've run into each other.

I WILL NOT CALL him! I guarantee you that! I already have my outfits picked out for this weekend, so I know I will be looking good. So, if he doesn't call me still and I do run into him this weekend, I shouldn't tell him how I feel at all? Should I hang out with him if he wants me to?

Do you think that by him not calling, he really isn't interested?

Thanks

Don't put so much importance in the call - it could be a test from him - he wants to see where he stands and for you to chase him - you don't want to chase him at this point - he needs to make an effort.

I think there is an interest, he may be caucious because he doesn't want the needy lady he had before - he wants a challenge.

Sharing your feelings will only set things back - take your time. This could take a couple months even. Just be cool and happy and car free in front of him. Make fun of him.

That which is cahsed - runs.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

One great thing - you have a good understanding of what is going on here.

Especially about pushing him away further. You can easily come across as desperate and needy - even if you are not. People are repulsed by this - and, as I think you understand, you can make it much worse - I've been there.

"but I know that i have to play it smooth and make him see that I'm ok without him" - You have a great understanding here.

YES - you can contact him now IF you swear you haven't done so in a couple months.

I would advise an e-mail actually IF he uses it farely regularly. Keep it very simple - NO PRESURE, NO RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS, NO DATES.

"Hi -----, how's it going? Wanted to make sure you were doing Ok? Iv'e been crazy busy lately. Anyway take care, ------"

He may not respond right away for a lot of reasons - don't worry about that. This most likely will take more time than you think. If he cares at all he will respond one way or another - maybe by phone?

If he does respond - don't respond right away. This is a slow process if you want him back. You kind of, for lack of another word, want to form a 'frienshisp' - not Friend Zone....but slowly warm him up.

Because initially he WILL have his guard WAY up. You need to show, even if not, your life is great without him and remind him of what he is misisng.

If you don't hear from him hopefully 'accidentally' run into him. You can call, but wait like 10 days - YOU"RE Busy!

If he responds...let me know - there is stretegey to follow. THESE AREN'T GAMES!!! The are key principles to regain attraction.

---

Great advice... helpful indeed

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heartbroken

How long should I wait after the breakup before I can call my ex? I havent talked to him for about 2 months now and the last time i bumped into him, he told me he misses me, gave me hugs and was sweet to me. When we first broke up, about 4 months ago, he called me for awhile and he kept telling me to call him too, which I NEVER did. Now I still miss him and want to check in just to say hi and see how he is. Yes, I would love to get him back, but I know that i have to play it smooth and make him see that I'm ok without him. I have been dating and going out with friends; basically living my life. But, i just can't seem to get over him and am having a huge urge to contact him. I just dont want him to know that I am still thinking about him because I think that might push him away even further; if that's possible.

I know that most guys want what they can't have and I have tried to go on and put on a happy face. I dont think that, at this point, he has any idea that I am still thinking about him this much.

What do you think? should I take a chance and call him, just to say hi to see if it opens a door, or should I wait longer and see if I bump into him again, which is probable, given the town we live in?

Thanks!

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Call him up and ask him if he wants to go grab something to eat or something and take it from there. He is probably asking himself what he should do

Do not call, that is not a good idea. You've put way too much importance in this phone call. U guys have gone months without talking and now you'v already talked once, take it slow. Patience is a virtue and always leads to good things.

Hi,
I heard if youreover him you can contact but how about if you did email them just a casual hi how are you then you kick yourself for doing so becuae you didn't do NC! Does anyone has an answer? :(