My daughter is constantly upset at her future mother-in-law. This woman calls her son about five times a day and shows up at their home uninvited with food to cook that only she and her son will eat. Her son won't say much bacause she uses anger and the cold treatment if he does. The woman never gets a hint and is spinning more and more out of control. It made her mad to realize my daughter was upset at her gossip so she got even. She told my daughter that her son was lying to her and that she should leave him. She told her she should take their son and move in with me. Her son she said should move in with her. She then told her son a bunch of lies about my daughter. When he confronted her she said she only did it because she was worried she would never see her grandson again. What is that? She is constant drama and will not observe boundaries. Her son will yell at my daughter that his mother is not a monster. The more my daughter tries the more this lady tears her down. When she comes over she changes the T.V. channel and interferes with their one year old son. She will pick him up and put him into bed when it isn't his bedtime and he hasn't had his bottle. The baby screams and she tries to prevent my daughter from picking him up. He should cry it out according to her. She seems so anxious to me that she can't hear anything but what she herself is saying. Any ideas out there?

You soon to be son in law needs to step up and tell his mom he is a man and will take care of his family. The soon to be mother in law has no business interfering with the kids (unless they are being abused, which I don't think they are). You daughter and soon to be son in law need to set house rules and if she disobeys them needs to leave.

I agree with jrb - your future son-in-law is the only one who should speak up a this point. You don't want your daughter to alienate her MIL and you don't want to involve yourself and make things worse.

They're adults with their own family and they have to deal with this together... its in HIS hands to speak up. If she pouts, then too bad but she'll get over it.

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You daughter and soon to be son in law need to set house rules and if she disobeys them needs to leave.

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Same rules apply to mother as they would to anybody else. ;)

I don't think you can do anything about it.

I presume that you daughter and her fiancé share the responsibilities of the home; mortgage, taxes, utilities, etc.

I think she is perfectly within her rights to demand that she stop coming over, unless she is specifically invited.

Your daughter and her future husband really need to work this out, before they get married. If she is controlling and overly obsessive about her son now, what do you think the writing on the wall says for after her she is married to him.

While I realize that it is his mother, and she is his problem, the fact that she creates problems for your daughter, and she isn't related to him (even by marriage), she has a perfectly good reason to stick up for herself, and tell both her fiancé, and her, she is not welcome without an invitation!!

If he just visits her more often, and she cooks his meals, changes his diaper, and brushes his teeth, I can only tell you what I would do.

There is no way on God's green earth that I would expect him to change, and I'd be out faster than you can blink. I hope your daughter thinks long and hard over this situation.

There really is not much you can do besides tell your daughter that she needs to have positive people surround her, especially when raising a child. Otherwise, she can lose her own sanity. If her boyfriend can't respect this, the marriage will be rough.

I don't think your daughter should marry him until he is able to set boundaries with his mother, regardless of the reasons for her behavior, she is attempting to act in an abusive manner toward the baby and that should not be tolerated.

The daughter should insist that the mother can come over only as a guest and may not come uninvited, without calling first, or with food to prepare. She may not interfere with either parent's decisions for child care. And if she cannot or will not abide these boundaries, she's not welcome and should not be permitted in the home.

If she is mentally ill, the son should solicit the help of the rest of the family to get her some treatment. I agree her behavior sounds like she has some real issues.

If your daughter is willing to tolerate the situation, which includes a willingness to tolerate a man who won't stand up to his mother and set boundaries, there's nothing you can do.