Hi
In the past several months, I have suspected one of my best friends having an affair with her boss, who is by the way married. I saw all the signs, but I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She has been involved with a married man before and she swore she would never do something like that again as for it caused her much pain.

When she told me her boss was trying to sleep with her, I told her that it was sexual harassment and he was a jerk for being selfish and disrespectful to his family and wife. Shortly after she claimed she was going to tell him to "stop"... she stopped talking to me for a month. I was pretty harsh regarding my feelings toward adultry.

My poor friend has always had bad luck with relationships due to her insecurities. I have also caught her in many white lies. She has always been very moody and I think she may be bi polar or has some kind of mental health issue like depression. Although she is a very sweet and kind person, she is always sad. I try to be a good friend and be emotionally there for her whenever possible. I have encouraged her to seek counseling about 5 years ago and I believe she still goes regularly (unless she is lying).

Now, 5 months later, she called and told me she has been ashamed for what she has been doing and said that she can't tell me what it is now. People that we work with ( we work at the same company, but Im in accounting and she is in engineering) are now hearing rumors of some kind of relationship between them. So, now I must snap out of my denial stage and deal with her situation.

My questions to you:

Should I tell her I've heard the rumors? Should I tell her what I suspect?

I feel embarrassed that she is my friend. I don't like what she is doing and I
Don't want to be associated with her mess. I can't support what she is doing,
So how do I tell her? I do care and love her and don't want to hurt her either.

I feel sad to potentially lose a friend over my strong ethics and morals regarding her affair.

Thanks.
Confused is California

You are good to try and stand by her... but I don't think she will change her ways. I would let her know that yeah you have been hearing rumors and that you don't want to get caught up in this mess. Let her know if she wants to change you will be there for her but if she wants this kind of lifestyle in conflicts with your moral and ethics (which you have great morals and ethics). You don't really need to deal with the situation at all if you don't want to she is an adult and maybe it is time for her to snap into realtiy and take care of her own mess.