Ask Me Help Desk - Sexually Frustrated

Hi you. I'm 28. I've been married for almost 7yrs with a guy. With my husband, sex just don't seem to be enjoyable at all for some personal reasons and I was frustrated but I've been faithful all the way until recently for the first time in my life I have had sex with someone else and it was soooooooooo wonderful. Everything was perfect and we had sex Every time I saw him and we spend more than two three hours in bed but we both knew that it was only a temporary relationship and now he got engaged with someone so I stopped seeing him few months ago and it's actually killing me and I feel like my frustration has gone through the roof. I've never been into sex that much before and now sex is on my mind 24/7 and I hate it. It's sort of started ruining my marriage as well. Is there any way that could help me not think about sex or help the situation I'm in. helppppppppppp! :confused:

Your marriage was already ruined once you cheated.
Anytime you have sex with someone new it is going to be exciting.
If your husband can forgive you maybe you all can try and spice it up in the bedroom. Try new lingerie, try new positions, go to a motel, phone sex, etc, etc. What did this guy do that made it so hot for you... have your husband do that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrb252000

Your marriage was already ruined once you cheated.
Anytime you have sex with someone new it is going to be exciting.
If your husband can forgive you maybe you all can try and spice it up in the bedroom. Try new lingerie, try new positions, go to a motel, phone sex, etc, etc. What did this guy do that made it so hot for you...have your husband do that.

The thing is I know my sex life with my husband will never get better for some personal reason OK. I never enjoyed it and I will never for sure. I feel like I'm stuck. Now I wish I've never had sex with that guys not because I feel guilty because I was adicted to him and now I feel much more frustrated than I was before and I miss him like crazy. I will not call him to come back to me but I just wish somehow he'd come back to me. Sounds stupid right. I know. What can I do?:(

I really don't know what to say then.
You don't feel guilty for what you did to your husband? I guess there isn't enough of this story to understand. However if you are that unhappy I would leave your husband. Sex isn't everythig. You still did wrong in my eyes but I would try talking to your husband. Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by beingahuman

Hi ya. I'm 28. I've been married for almost 7yrs with a guy. With my husband, sex just don't seem to be enjoyable at all for some personal reasons and I was frustrated but I've been faithful all the way until recently for the first time in my life I have had sex with someone else and it was soooooooooo wonderful. Everything was perfect and we had sex Everytime I saw him and we spend more than two three hours in bed but we both knew that it was only a temporary relationship and now he got engaged with someone so I stopped seeing him few months ago and it's actually killing me and I feel like my frustration has gone through the roof. I've never been into sex that much before and now sex is on my mind 24/7 and i hate it. It's sort of started ruining my marriage as well. Is there any way that could help me not think about sex or help the situation I'm in. helppppppppppp! :confused:

"Everything was perfect" because you had no commitments, responsibilities, etc it was carefree... rember guys have sex for most of the time purely physical reasons... he is now engaged and you are married! You should make things right with your husband. Do you have kids? Do you and your husband communicate?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrb252000

I really don't know what to say then.
You don't feel guilty for what you did to your husband?! I guess there isn't enough of this story to understand. However if you are that unhappy I would leave your husband. Sex isn't everythig. You still did wrong in my eyes but I would try talking to your husband. Good luck

Thanks for your quick reply I do appreciate it. Yeah you need to know the whole story I suppose. I'll tell you briefly. I met my husband about 10-11 yrs ago. He was my first ever guy in my life. I was crazy in love with him. But I kept it all to myself for almost 3yrs. I never had a boyfriend before him let along sex. The bad thing was he worked for my father as a driver at my house and since he never showed interest in me it made things way harder for me to make the move. I liked him a lot. Finally when I made my first move things went horribly wrong. My parents don't like him so I left my house for him, I left everything for him knowing that he wasn't a right partner for me. For those years he was working at my house he was having an affair with one of my relatives. Damn. I didn't know that long enough to prevent me from falling. But he's been very honest with me. He told me about that before we got married. Then I took him away from her and marry him. How stupid is that right. I didn't think he loves me as much as I love him. May be he wasn't get over with her when I took him away. I was young I was naïve. Then when it comes to sex it always been a torture for me cause it always reminds me of what he did. Don't get me wrong OK he's a great guy apart from that affair he had before our marriage and not being a romantic guy. But as much as I love him, I hate him so much as well. It still hurts me a lot. I always wanted to revenge him. Now he seems more into me after 7 yrs but I'm not as I use to be. Now I want to tell him what I did with another guy and want him to suffer the same but I didn't have a heart to do it. May be I'm crazy. I'm in a complete mess right now OK but I would never want an innocent kid to get involved in this so I've decided not to have kid at all. And we usually fight about this as well. I hope this gives you a bit more to understand what I was saying. Please feel free to ask or comment cause I really need to talk and make my chest lighter. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountain_man

"Everything was perfect" b/c you had no commitments, responsibilities, etc it was carefree...rember guys have sex for most of the time purely physical reasons...he is now engaged and you are married! You should make things right with your husband. Do you have kids? Do you and your husband communicate?

Thanks for your reply. No, I decided not to have kids at all. Yeah we do communicate but it feels so wrong. Please read my next post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beingahuman

Thanks for ur quick reply I do appreciate it. Yeah u need to know the whole story I suppose. I'll tell u briefly. I met my husband about 10-11 yrs ago. He was my first ever guy in my life. I was crazy in love with him. But I kept it all to myself for almost 3yrs. I never had a boyfriend before him let along sex. The bad thing was he worked for my father as a driver at my house and since he never showed interest in me it made things way harder for me to make the move. I liked him a lot. Finally when I made my first move things went horribly wrong. My parents don't like him so I left my house for him, I left everything for him knowing that he wasn't a right partner for me. For those years he was working at my house he was having an affair with one of my relatives. Damn. I didn't know that long enough to prevent me from falling. But he's been very honest with me. He told me about that before we got married. Then I took him away from her and marry him. How stupid is that right. I didn't think he loves me as much as I love him. May be he wasn't get over with her when I took him away. I was young I was naive. Then when it comes to sex it always been a torture for me cause it always reminds me of what he did. Don't get me wrong OK he's a great guy apart from that affair he had before our marriage and not being a romantic guy. But as much as I love him, I hate him so much as well. It still hurts me a lot. I always wanted to revenge him. Now he seems more into me after 7 yrs but I'm not as I use to be. Now I want to tell him what I did with another guy and want him to suffer the same but I didn't have a heart to do it. May be I'm crazy. I'm in a complete mess right now OK but I would never want an innocent kid to get involved in this so I've decided not to have kid at all. And we usually fight about this as well. I hope this gives u a bit more to understand what I was saying. Please feel free to ask or comment cause I really need to talk and make my chest lighter. :(

Well that answers a lot of questions... if you want to make this work, I would be honest with him about the incident and that you have always wanted revenge on him for what he did long ago but don't use that to jusitify your affair... I would then suggest seeing an idependant marriage counselor, through your church if you have one or indenpendantly... a counselor can help you both work through this and the past successfully... you could end up with a stronger marriage than when you started. God bless

I understand how you feel a bit more now. However two wrong don't make a right. If you can't get passed his affair and you have been carrying it around with you for so long it is going to take a lot to move passed it.
You still need to communicate with each other to fix the marriage if that is what you want.

Well... sex is just the vehicle here... the issue is the marriage on a grander scale.

You both need to talk this out and come to terms with the issues behind all the noise with sex.

This is about can you ne in a happy marriage. Right now, you are not.

Thanks you all for your replys