This guy disrespected me the first day we went out. In the back of my head I was thinking I should let that pass because, I want to be with him and because I am so used to my family who is closed minded about everything and I don't want to be like them. I did not want to take everything so strict either, (as strict as they were) So I still went out with him. I put up with a lot of mental, emotional abuse. I did not want to believe this was really happening to me and that somehow he would change, because I was being a good girlfriend. In several occasions he would stare at women so intently when I was around him and then nod at them like saying (you know what I want!) and if the woman paid no attention he would be angry. Then he would deny everything to me. It hurt me very much when on Father's day I had spent the entire day with him just because, and bought him a gift and took care of his children while we went to the park, his woman cousin who was much larger chested than me was there and he was almost druling at her and made the same proposal in the same way in my presence, she was laughing and I was so embarrassed, humiliated, disrespected among other feelings, till today I still feel the pain he caused me and I am very frustrated. Then on occasions I believe I should forgive him since that would seem like the right thing to do. I still believe every lie he says, I act very naïve but I actually do know what is going on. I don't want to live the truth somehow. At times I just want to get back at him any way to hurt him because I really hurt when I remember. Why can't I get rid of this jerk for good?
He is not just a jerk he is the king of them all.

You need to stop all communications with him to begin the healing process. You don't need to put up with his bs. Get involved with other activities to stay busy. Don't sink to his level by getting back at him.

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Originally Posted by jrb252000

You need to stop all communications with him to begin the healing process. You don't need to put up with his bs. Get involved with other activities to stay busy. Don't sink to his level by getting back at him.

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Thank you so much for your answer. For some reason or the other I tend to try to stay connected to him. I told him good-bye but told him to keep in touch as a friend (bad idea) right now he still has my cell phone so I asked him to return it and I'm still waiting.

Do not alow yourself to be treated as a matt. You or anybody else does not deserve to be treated badly by a male or female. If he will not return your cell get the police involved and go get your property. Being his friend only impowers him more. Your advice from me is to let it go and change your # even have a restaining order put on him. God Bless!:cool:

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Originally Posted by jrowl

Do not alow yourself to be treated as a matt. You or anybody else does not deserve to be treated badly by a male or female. If he will not return your cell get the police involved and go get your property. Being his friend only impowers him more. Your advice from me is to let it go and change your # even have a restaining order put on him. God Bless!:cool:

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The problem is that I am vulnarable to him and being all by myself. This story is very long and the police was involved once. I don't want to do that again.
I hope I can talk a little more about the feelings and thoughts that are left behind from this relashionship that keep on coming up. At times I feel sick and other times I feel really angry and wanting to get even but yet frustrated because I can't. Hopefully I will heal, yesterday night I woke up very angry and frustrated with feelings and thoughts of getting even but not being able to (this is a horrible feeling). Today I am more relaxed because I am counting on God when I get like this to make some sense out of all of this. All though at times I think of him, wishing that things had been different or that maybe he would return changed. He really did change in the last month but it was not enough.( I know, he is a reall jerk) yet I wonder if we are ever going to talk or if we are never going to see each other. At the moment not that I really want to. The problem is that I am vulnarable to him. What he has good is that he loves his children a lot and he raised them himself and three are not his, two are. He is also very handsome.
In the last month he stopped abusing me in any way, except it seems like he has me only for a purpose since we don't go out to see and talk to normal people (positive people) and when we do go out he has the behavior of looking at women in a nasty way. Once I asked him if he was cheating on me, he said: not yet! And I seem to forget all this nasty talk after a while, with him. I am only expresing myself. I hope I don't get involved with him unless he is really honest. I don't need him. Disappear!

The problem is even when someone hurts us bad you can't just stop loving them and thinking about them. Don't make excuses for this guys behavior. Focus on making yourself better. Stay positive and soon your mind and heart will move on.

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Originally Posted by jrb252000

The problem is even when someone hurts us bad you can't just stop loving them and thinking about them. Don't make excuses for this guys behavior. Focus on making yourself better. Stay positive and soon your mind and heart will move on.

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Thank you so much for your answer, this has been very helpful.

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Originally Posted by donotrun

Thank you so much for your answer, this has been very helpful.

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I am writing because I need to express my feelings some way and there is not anyone I can tell this story to. This guy when we first met started touching me and I told him I did not want to sleep with him but he insisted, at the time I was lonely and I wanted a relationship with someone, I was interested in him, I thought that if I did not sleep with him he would not continue to see me, so I did, then we continued but he was emotionally abusive and verbally. He told me about his nasty past with women and his ex-girlfriend who was abusive to his children and him, his children were all in DHS because of this. I was more of a consolation for his troubles. I stayed because I was weak at being lonely (very depressed) and because he would tease me to sleep with him all the time, basically that was why. I did not want to go to another man to get out of this relationship and then sleep with someone else, if another man, I wanted a gentleman who would leave sex out till we were married (a real deal) witch is hard to find. So, I was more than frustrated when in one he told me that he still loved his ex to death and that he wanted to put her picture and those of her with the children all over the room. The police was involved in one situation. (not too pretty)
Now he does not abuse me in any way. Whoever reads this might think that I do not deserve much respect either but because of my weakness I feel I can not do better, I really wish I could. I still don't trust him. He says he loves me (I don't believe him) but I am with him and waiting to get money to date someone in a good dating site on the internet. There are still a lot of things that hurt and do not convince me, because he has never been honest or is. He might get emotionally since he has presented me to his children and has changed a bit, he put me threw a lot of emotional abuse and still I go threw the memories, he denies what he has said to me, at times he does not stare at women anymore but I can't even go out with him since I am afraid he will be unpolite again and I will be embarrassed and humiliate me. He says that his ex-girlfriend who is going out with another man and is pregnant, offered him sex and he said no because he was with me. I asked him what if you were not with me? He said he would have accepted. I said would you go with anyone else? He said no only her. The woman is not even pretty but because she had his children he thinks she was the one who literally made the children's bones, blood and kidneys and made them breath. At the moment I am still seeing this guy. Hopefully things will change for me.

I think that sometimes we chose to make ourselves to belief lies because facing the truth might cause a lot of emotional strain on our lives. This man have been disrespecting you a lot, it is obvious he doesn't care about your feelings, getting revenge won't make your pain go away so try to forget about that and I would say that you should rather learn out of this experience. Try to find a new hobby or spend sometime with friends and loved one's just to get your mind off this guy. And for the record you could write to me anytime you want to :)

Never talk to him again. You should move out and completely eliminate him from your life. If you feel like you still want a boyfriend make sure you get one who will treat you right.

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Originally Posted by Marily

I think that sometimes we chose to make ourselves to belief lies because facing the truth might cause alot of emotional strain on our lives. This man have been disrespecting you alot, it is obvious he does'nt care about your feelings, getting revenge won't make your pain go away so try to forget about that and i would say that you should rather learn out of this experience. Try to find a new hobby or spend sometime with friends and loved one's just to get your mind off this guy. And for the record you could write to me anytime you want to :)

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Thank you for your reply, I am in the healing process and it is not easy, I depend on God for support more than anything but the memories of his abuse continues and it hurts, also sometimes I get confusing ideas. I feel depressed and used and that is hard to deal with. A lot of things he did and said and never wanted to explain, like comparing my body parts to other women and not appreciating my body (which is quite humiliating, embarasing and makes me feel less sexually atractive right now) and kind of with a complex and that of ignoring my frustrations, anger and the last was: I talked to him on the phone and he said: I will call you back and never did, not even on his lunch break when he usually did and he had the habit of saying he was going to call and then called whenever or not that day. He would say he did not have to explain anything. Another thing hard to overcome is he would compare me somehow to his ex, defending her, who he said he loved and was horribly abusive towards him and the children a women with another man, pregnant and wanting to have sex with him. That makes her a slut. That did not matter to him. That made me feel inadecuate, and leave me wondering, what does she have that is so special to him? Is there something terribly wrong with my body? I'm I not sexually attractive?

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Originally Posted by Marily

I think that sometimes we chose to make ourselves to belief lies because facing the truth might cause alot of emotional strain on our lives. This man have been disrespecting you alot, it is obvious he does'nt care about your feelings, getting revenge won't make your pain go away so try to forget about that and i would say that you should rather learn out of this experience. Try to find a new hobby or spend sometime with friends and loved one's just to get your mind off this guy. And for the record you could write to me anytime you want to :)

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I am trying to heal. I get all kinds of thoughts and feelings that I got from his abuse, it does not just go away. I am not sad that he left but affected by his behavior and his words, somewhat a little confused.

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Originally Posted by donotrun

I am trying to heal. I get all kinds of thoughts and feelings that I got from his abuse, it does not just go away. I am not sad that he left but affected by his behavior and his words, somewhat a little confused.

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I have awful feelings that just won’t leave and makes me feel depressed.

donotrun, it appears you have some self esteem issues here. Why do you feel that you will not find someone else that is worthy of you and the love that you have to offer? Some of the things that you have stated here sound like the words of a woman who has been the victim of sexual abuse at one time in her life.

One thing you should understand is that having a man, any man, in our lives does not make a woman a whole woman. We are the only ones who have the capacity to make ourselves whole. Our happiness is not and should never be, dependent upon a man being in our lives. If you think about it, right now you are depressed and unhappy because of this man. He is showing you that he has no respect for your feelings. That would depress me too if I was in your shoes. Since you appear to believe in God, do you have a trusted minister or priest that you admire and can turn to for counseling? I think you need some outside help in thinking this through and finding your inner strength to separate yourself from this man. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet and find the things in life that gave your life a purpose and make you happy.

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Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

donotrun, it appears you have some self esteem issues here. Why do you feel that you will not find someone else that is worthy of you and the love that you have to offer? Some of the things that you have stated here sound like the words of a woman who has been the victim of sexual abuse at one time in her life.

One thing you should understand is that having a man, any man, in our lives does not make a woman a whole woman. We are the only ones who have the capacity to make ourselves whole. Our happiness is not and should never be, dependent upon a man being in our lives. If you think about it, right now you are depressed and unhappy because of this man. He is showing you that he has no respect for your feelings. That would depress me too if I was in your shoes. Since you appear to believe in God, do you have a trusted minister or priest that you admire and can turn to for counseling? I think you need some outside help in thinking this through and finding your inner strength to separate yourself from this man. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet and find the things in life that gave your life a purpose and make you happy.

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I do feel I can find someone but I have not the luck yet. I have never being the victim of sexual abuse except in this situation, but not anymore. This seems like a novel but I finally had it with him and he left. I was in a situation were I did not know much about him and I wanted to get even with him. He left my cell phone, one that I had lent him and his ex-girfriend called. We had a conversation and it happens to be that he was a total jerk the same that he did to me he did to her, I visited with her and her boyfriend for a good while, he is a total abuser and manipulter, the story continues, this is a true story.

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Originally Posted by donotrun

I do feel I can find someone but I have not the luck yet. I have never being the victim of sexual abuse exept in this situation, but not anymore. This seems like a novel but I finally had it with him and he left. I was in a situation were I did not know much about him and I wanted to get even with him. He left my cell phone, one that I had lent him and his ex-girfriend called. We had a conversation and it happens to be that he was a total jerk the same that he did to me he did to her, I visited with her and her boyfriend for a good while, he is a total abuser and manipulter, the story continues, this is a true story.

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His ex-girlfriend told me a lot of things and why not believe her when he caused me so much pain and disrespected me so many times, but she cleared up a lot of things like when they were together for more than five years and she told me that he had cheated on her two times in her own home. I believed her when she said that while he was with me he would ask her for sex. The thing is that he caused in me a lot of pain, misery, frustration, resentment, disappointment, humiliation, disrespect, made me feel inadequate, inferior and he wanted to walk away like nothing happened. It would have been better if he had physically abused me, because sometimes I did not want to live no more. There are things that I cannot write down in this site but everything is falling into place. What I mean is that things are not going his way. In fact I am a friend of his ex and her new boyfriend. That alone will drive him up the wall because now the good man that he pretended to be to society is no longer there. Now people know who the bad guy is.