You've heαrd the reseαrch.. sαying "only αbout 40% of cohαbiting couples end up mαrrying within four to seven yeαrs" they αlso mention how it effects the children [negαtively]..

Dαvid Popenoe sαid: "if the fαmily trends of recent decαdes αre extended into the future,the result will not only be α growing uncertαinty within mαrriαge, but the grαduαl eliminαtion of mαrriαge in fαvor of cαsuαl liαisons,oriented to αdult expressiveness αnd self-fulfillment. the problem with this scenαrio is thαt children will be hαrmed, αdults probαbly no hαppier, αnd the social order could collαpse."

do you αgree or dissαgree?-- whαt αre your views with cohαbiting

**pleαse mind thαt this is α very controversiαl subject so no lαshing out on eαchother- respect for one αnother's opinion is the key**

Well me and ben have only been married a year we have lived together for 8 I think it really depends on the people we had no intention of getting married but then millie came along there's no right or wrong but I really do feel you need to live with someone before you really know them.

I agree with CBW. You have to live with someone to know how they really are, to know their habits, lifestyle, etc. If you don't agree with their lifestyle, and fight all the time, it is probably best to not marry them to avoid future fighting and divorce. Marriage is about compromise, and if you can't compromise, it is best to not marry.

The whole issue of "staying together for the kids" is a bad idea, in my opinion. If you only remain married for one reason, the kids, then there will usually be constant fighting and this could damage the kids emotionally. I remember watching my mom and dad fight, and my mom and my stepdad fight, and during this all I would do was go in my room and sit alone. Nobody wants to watch their parents yell at each other. That is one issue relating to marriage that I feel could hurt the children. :)

Exactly marriage is for life not just for christmas far to many people take it lightly these days its about sharing the rest of your life with someone and living with eachothers faults but loving them for everything not just the good stuff.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Exactly marriage is for life not just for christmas far to many people take it lightly these days its about sharing the rest of your life with someone and living with eachothers faults but loving them for everything not just the good stuff.

---

I agree about it being taken lightly. Sometimes I think some people get married just to be able to tell people "I'm married". My stepsister has been married twice, and cheated on both of her husbands with someone else. Now why would someone do that? I believe if you don't feel you can be with just one person, then don't get married. It is not fair to the husbands you cheat on.

As long as children are not involved or compromised in any way then consenting adults can do whatever the please. When there are children involved their welfare and concerns MUST be put before any darn thing the adults can come up with. Even though I recognise the needs of the adults who are mostly females, to seek a happy fulfilling life, the needs of the children come first, or the consequences will be paid by those children at a future time and we as a society will suffer from the lack of attention we have paid to our future adult.

I am personally opposed to cohabitating. I feel that it's a cop-out for people who sort of want the commitment and benefits of marriage but want to keep one foot out the door "just in case things don't work out." I think this is problematic in every aspect of our society ; nobody wants to make any kind of commitments anymore. People don't want to be obligated to each other ; it's strictly all about me. We surrender the support of community and fail to see the importance of continuity in our lives. And everyone suffers ; children and adults alike. People then seek out unhealthy alternatives to compensate for the resulting lack of support, such as drugs and gangs. Let's face it ; the average profile of a drug user or a gang member isn't that of someone from a stable, two-parent home with adequate income and schooling resources provided by two, caring, conscientious parents who made a marital commitment to each other and stood by it and who have educations that enable them to hold on to good jobs because when they were younger they made the commitment to getting that education and are now committed to a career that rewards them accordingly and to raising their families. But now so many people just want to live for the moment and do whatever make them feel good right now. It begins with the adults and the kids learn from it and adapt accordingly. And we put a guilt trip on anyone who suggests that that may not be a good thing. We make it socially acceptable for two people to cohabitate and not be married. Anyone who suggests that that's wrong gets chewed up and spit out and "how dare they try to impose their values on someone else!" And out of fear of becoming unpopular or being labeled a bigot or something similar, the average person acquiesces. Especially those in the public eye such as politicians and the like. In the end, we alow our society to be bullied right out of existence by those with the audacity to have a "do your own thing" attitude. Ironically, they become the ones imposing their "values" on everyone else.

Wife and I lived together for 1.5 years before we got married. Celebrated our 11th anniversary recently. Have 2 great kids. I also lived with a girlfriend prior to meeting my wife. My wife remarked how "broken in" I was when we lived together. :D