Im 17 year old male, my best friend which is a girl, just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. She was so "in love" with this guy. They wrote there life plans together and all of that wonderful stuff. He started to change and it wasn't for the better. She didn't like what he had became and dumped him. Its been 3 months and she's an emotional dissaster. She's stressed out all the time and cries her eyes out. She been gaining wait, which I'm sure is from her depresional eating. She knows what she needs to help her self. (i.e. exercise and eat better) but she can't seem to do that. She always complains about getting fat and her close not fittine but she won't do anything about it. I try to be as supportive as possible, but not ever being in a serious relationship I can't give her the advice I think she need. She gets so upset that its unhealthy, I've never seen anything like it. She's not the person to enflict self wounds but it worries me the way she gets so upset. She never has any energy, which I'm possitive is from all the bad foods and depression. I just don't know what to do to help my beloved friend get back on track to a healthy happy life.

Any advice on how I can help her get over her boyfriend and get her back on a healthier diet without crushing her feelings would be extremely helpful.

Have you tried talking with her parents or a counselor at school? The best thing you can do is to share your concerns with a trusted adult who has a vested interest in your friend.

First loves are really hard to get over. She may be like this for a while. Realize that when she talks to you she's not really looking for you to help her solve her problems she just wants someone to unload on. (men don't understand this function of female communication). All you can do is be there for her and remind her that life is going to go on and that this is not the last guy that will come into her life.

Have you tried talking to her parents? Maybe you guys could figure out some ways to boost her out of her funk.

Her parents arnt the most supportive people in the world, so I don't think that's the way to go.

All I can say is she is very lucky to have you, you seem exactly the right person to be there for her rightnow yes a lot of whashe is suffering is hard and the weight gain will prob knock her confidence even lower as well.All u can do is support her as a friend try not to get too involved in case she misinterprets it and becomes confused about her feeling for you or u for her.It is nioce to seea guycare so much for his friend and not want anything in return, She will get over it in her own tim me personally wellit been 17 weeks so far and not getting any better so be prepared for the long haul and to have the same conversation repeatedly about why did he do it what's wrong with me and lots of tears as well I hope your friend feels beter soon but just know that although it may not seem like it at mo she will really appreciate you being there and knows you are looking out for her

Only time will heal her pain. Time my friend!

You're her friend, so be there for her as time will heal so support her. That doesn't mean going along with her pity pot behavior, or being nice when she is stuck on stupid, but sometimes the brutal hard truth, is what's needed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your her friend, so be there for her as time will heal so support her. That doesn't mean going along with her pity pot behavior, or being nice when she is stuck on stupid, but sometimes the brutal hard truth, is whats needed.

---

Respectfully, I don't believe that this girl is a pity pot or stuck on stupid. Depression is a serious matter that requires professional help. She is going through a very traumatic time in her life. Sometimes a break up carries more emotional weight than a death in the family...

It may take her a year to recover from her loss.

What she is going through is typical, especially with a first love. Unless the weight gain is drastic I wouldn't worry too much about it. When she is ready to pick herself up she will more and likely lose the weight naturally. If though you must worry about her weight then you could suggest the two of you have a long talk so she can get things off her chest, the catch is that you do it while taking a walk maybe on a hiking trail. Of course it doesn't have to be hiking , it can be anything that requires physical activity. Physical activity is therapeutic for both the mind and the body.

Are you sure that your not that girl.. it seems like you are

I understand the parents thing, id never tell my parents anything at all.
Be careful that if you do get her in contact with adults or professionals, don't betray her, its better that she does it willingly.
Good luck

Yea I'm pretty sure I'm a guy so no I'm not that girl its definitely my friend.

My daughter just went through this same situation.
Two 20 year olds who were supposed to get married.
My daughter already bought her dress too.
Then, he started changing and didn't like how close she was to her family.
Wanted her to be more independent and basically started pointed out all kinds of "flaws" with her. It seemed like he was really just getting cold feet and didn't have the nads to just say so.
My daughter broke it off two months ago. At first she was very depressed about it.

I told her she would go through stages of sadness and then anger.

All you can do is be there to comfort them.
The first heart break is the worst one.
Oh, if only these youngins could stand in our shoes long enough to see that they're not ready for marriage when they are twenty. I'm sure some have made it who married young. I was twenty myself (and it's been 26 years now).

We girls end up feeling like there's never going to be another fish in the sea.

I told my daughter that this was a learning experience for her and next time, she'll know what traits to look for. Especially, when a guy doesn't like you being close to your family?
That right there should have been a huge red flag. When you're young, you think you will change them. That's the first lesson to learn. You have to like them like they are or move on. Breaking up is easier than divorce.

This is what I tell my 20 and 21 year old kids:

It's like you went to an ice cream store for the very first time.
You order vanilla and love it. After that, you never try another flavor because vanilla was so good. Yes, you love vanilla. Well, how do you know you don't like any other flavors if you don't try them? You might find out that vanilla was okay, but chocolate was better.

I try to use this light hearted approach to first relationships.

Tell your friend that there are a lot of other flavors out there.
Someday, she will look back on it and realize he was a good starter relationship but not a soul mate. Hope that helps :)

Hmmmm vicki in older times people married at 14.
People can fall in love at 20, and sometimes it is the right person.
Loves knows no boundaries.
Age is one such boundary.
Call me naïve if you like, but guess what? I am naïve.