Ask Me Help Desk - English is really crazy, FOR ME,LOL

English is really crazy, FOR ME,LOL

English is really crazy
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

I got this in an email once... always interesting!

The English and the Americans understand the language English because we're not retarded. JUST FIGURE IT OUT AND STOP COMPLAINING!! If you hate English so much stop speaking it!

Oh I love English A LOT!
Nothing offensive, sorry if I made u think this way.
I just thought it's funny, this joke.:)

Yes it was LOL, Come to Texas and see how funny we sound.

Hey I live in Texas ! Only some people sound funny, in general it's just american accent, but I do know a few people who's typical greeting is: 'howdy you !

I've found that people in Missouri have funnier accents than texans, I've got a few relatives up there

Yes, in Texas-"Howdy!" LOL :D

It is fun for those of us whose native tongue is not English... especially when it gets mixed up in our languages..

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

English is really crazy

Not so.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

There is no egg in eggplant

Early eggplants were small and creamy in color, and looked like eggs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

nor ham in hamburger

It's named after Hamburg, Germany.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

neither apple nor pine in pineapple

Pineapples are named because they look like pinecones, the fruit of the pine tree, hence pine-apple.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

English muffins were not invented in England

But the word muffin was, the phrase was coined by an englishman who moved to America.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

or French fries in France

French refers to the style of cooking, not to the place of origin. "Frenching".

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Sweetmeats are candies

Meat doesn't only refer to the flesh of animals, it can also refer to most foods, including fruits and nuts. Since sweetmeats were originally candied fruits, this is probably the origin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat

Sweet originally meant "pleasing to the senses", rather than the modern meaning. "Bread" originally meant flesh.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly

"Quick" means alive in this context, not fast.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

boxing rings are square

Fighting bouts used to be performed in a circle drawn on the ground.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

It looks like a pig and it sounds like a pig... the "pig" part is easily explained. In England, "Guinea" was a common name for any foreign land, so may well just indicate that they are from a far-off place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

-arian means "An advocate of". A vegetarian is one is an advocate of vegetables, A humanitarian is one who advocates humanity.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?

Cargo is defined as "The freight carried by a ship, an aircraft, or another vehicle." This doesn't specifically mean ship. Shipping something is the same deal, it can go by any form of transport.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

I hope this one is plain.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Parkways have nothing to do with parking cars, they have to do with the meaning of park as "A piece of land with few or no buildings within or adjoining a town, maintained for recreational and ornamental purposes." A parkway is a street lined with trees. A Driveway is not for parking on, it is for driving into your garage where you park your car. It's your fault if you want to keep tools in your garage and park on your driveway, not the English language's. :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same

Fat chance is the sarcastic opposite of slim chance. Tfe two are used differently.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

They aren't, a wise man is someone who knows a lot. A wise guy is someone who knows a lot and uses it to piss you off!

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Out used in 2 different senses, "out in the open" and "off".

How's that? I missed a few out but I hope this helps ;D (yes, I wrote this all out).

Ha ha, you're no fun Capuchin! Lol!

I love the Oscar Wilde quote;

"We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language!"

Here's some more;
The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

The accountant at the music store records records of the records.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capuchin

Not so.

Early eggplants were small and creamy in color, and looked like eggs.

It's named after Hamburg, Germany.

Pineapples are named because they look like pinecones, the fruit of the pine tree, hence pine-apple.

But the word muffin was, the phrase was coined by an englishman who moved to America.

French refers to the style of cooking, not to the place of origin. "Frenching".

Meat doesn't only refer to the flesh of animals, it can also refer to most foods, including fruits and nuts. Since sweetmeats were orginally candied fruits, this is probably the origin.

Sweet originally meant "pleasing to the senses", rather than the modern meaning. "Bread" originally meant flesh.

"Quick" means alive in this context, not fast.

Fighting bouts used to be performed in a circle drawn on the ground.

It looks like a pig and it sounds like a pig... the "pig" part is easily explained. In England, "Guinea" was a common name for any foreign land, so may well just indicate that they are from a far-off place.

-arian means "An advocate of". A vegetarian is one is an advocate of vegetables, A humanitarian is one who advocates humanity.

Cargo is defined as "The freight carried by a ship, an aircraft, or another vehicle." This doesn't specifically mean ship. Shipping something is the same deal, it can go by any form of transport.

I hope this one is plain.

Parkways have nothign to do with parking cars, they have to do with the meaning of park as "A piece of land with few or no buildings within or adjoining a town, maintained for recreational and ornamental purposes." A parkway is a street lined with trees. A Driveway is not for parking on, it is for driving into your garage where you park your car. It's your fault if you want to keep tools in your garage and park on your driveway, not the English language's. :P

Fat chance is the sarcastic opposite of slim chance. Tfe two are used differently.

They aren't, a wise man is someone who knows a lot. A wise guy is someone who knows a lot and uses it to piss you off!

Out used in 2 different senses, "out in the open" and "off".

How's that? I missed a few out but I hope this helps ;D (yes, I wrote this all out).

WOW! :) :cool:
So... what you doing this weekend? Capuchin;)

I don't have any plans... :eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capuchin

I dont have any plans... :eek:

I was wondering if we could go out, you sounds like an intelligent gentleman... :rolleyes: ;)

If you get to the other side of the atlantic, sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capuchin

If you get to the other side of the atlantic, sure.

Okay, no problem.:D
And I'll try not let Chuff know about this... I am afraid to hurt his feeling.:( :p

Chuff has loads of girls anyway :p

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Originally Posted by Capuchin

Chuff has loads of girls anyways :p

BUT U DON'T, DO YOU? :mad:

:p

Only a few.

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Originally Posted by Capuchin

Only a few.

WHO ARE THEY? :(