SORRRY IF THIS IS LONG PLEASE READ


Okay I have a boyfriend we have been talking for three years. We broke up for about 3 1/2 months at one time. It was a whole bunch of drama, lies I found out he had a whole other girl friend and it hurt me so much. He had been with her for 3 years already but he claims they were broken up when we first got together. I don't believe that , but anyway I find out she is also pregnant and that's the reason he was still dealing with her. I couldn't stand him but I still loved him for some reason. Everything was perfect until that point.
We became friends again after 3 months and slowly got back into a relationship. He stills claims he never wanted to be back with her then and he stills doesn't now. He just wants to be there for his daughter. And he has , I don't want to seem selfish but the fact he has his daughter doesn't bother me at all it just the mother she is crazy. I don't like him to be around her I mean there's been times she called my phone asking me are we still together and refers to her self as his EX girlfriend. If she even aknowledges she is his ex then why does she care. Yesterday I asked him would he ever consider going back to her for his daughters sake and he didn't say no instead he said not for a long long long time if ever.
He can't see is self with her anytime soon. I don't know if he sees it but that really hurt me it made me think is he just using me until he decides to go back to her. I told him that's how I felt and he says I over analyze things too much am I? I don't think so I love him But am I just setting myself up to be hurt a second time. PLEASE READ GIVE YOUR OPINIONS!!

Anyone...

It sounds like this guy has no idea what he wants. Its not fair to you to be stuck in the crossfire of him trying to get his act together. I hate to say it but this guy may turn around and do it again or who knows turn around and get another girlfriend. He has already proven himself to be untrustworthy.

I say it on here all the time, Darling you deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you, respects you and wants to be committed to you without confusion. Please take back your power, this is your relationship too. If he is not making you happy then you need to figure out what's better for you staying in a bad relationship or being single? A wise woman once said to me it takes a mighty good man to beat no man at all.

Love yourself enough to know that your happiness is important.

Be Well

At this point it's kind of hard to say where this is going. What do you ultimately want out of this relationship? Will he ever give that to you? If you have to answer 'no' or if you can't answer at all, then I'd say yes, you're setting yourself up to be hurt again. I'm not sure if the daughter and her mother are the fundamental issue here or not but you've got to decide if this is going where you want it to. If not then you need to get out and move on.

I'm going to go against the grain here... (and give you a male point of view)

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Originally Posted by fia7891

I don't believe that , but anyway I find out she is also pregnant and thats the reason he was still dealing with her.

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Why don't you believe him? If he had gotten his ex pregnant, then that is a considerable commitment. He may not be romantically involved with her anymore, but regardless of anything else that happens for the rest of his life, this is his child's mother and she will be a part of his life. Personally I would hope you would be happy that you have an honorable man who is willing to stand by the things that he has done (taking care of his child) rather than just ditching them both. It speaks to a strong character.

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Originally Posted by fia7891

He stills claims he never wanted to be back with her then and he stills doesn't now. He just wants to be there for his daughter. and he has

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See previous comment. Why do you doubt?

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Originally Posted by fia7891

I don't want to seem selfish but the fact he has his daughter doesn't bother me at all it just the mother she is crazy. I don't like him to be around her I mean theres been times she called my phone asking me are we still together and refers to her self as his EX girlfriend.

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You are being selfish. She may be crazy, but really it's not a lot of your business. You're being judgemental. And she is his ex-girlfriend. What else do you want her to call herself? Sounds to me like she's accurately stating her relationship to your guy and you're taking personally and being oversensitive to it. Basically you're creating shadows and leaping at them and then allowing that to intrude on your relationship.

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Originally Posted by fia7891

Yesterday I asked him would he ever consider going back to her for his daughters sake and he didn't say no instead he said not for a long long long time if ever.
he can't see is self with her anytime soon. I don't know if he sees it but that really hurt me it made me think is he just using me until he decides to go back to her. I told him thats how I felt and he says I over analyze things too much am I? I don't think so I love him But am I just setting myself up to be hurt a second time. PLEASE READ GIVE YOUR OPINIONS!!!

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A blunder on his part, no doubt. But, please, please, please, for the love of french fries, look at what you asked him. It's so conditional and so loaded that any answer would paint him in a bad light. You didn't ask him if he still loved her or still desired her or still wanted to make a life with her, you asked him if he would do it for his daughter.

Now, I don't have a daughter (someday I hope) but I would pretty much do anything within my power for her. I would cut off limbs, put myself in death's way, suffer through whatever I hated the most if it would somehow make her life better. You've asked him to compare his desires against his commitments and his children. Not a very nice question. Especially since you're using it against him as proof that he doesn't love you, which is a TERRIBLE way to do it.

As a man I see this situation as devious. I don't want you to misunderstand and think that I'm saying things are fine, but what I am saying is that I think you're looking at all of this entirely in a bad light and you're reinforcing it by creating situations that fuel this disposition.

Your man is standing by what he's done in the past and taking care of the life that he's created. You've expressed little to no trust with him. You haven't said why. You mentioned that you think he cheated but from what I've read, this is questionable at best. Maybe he didn't cheat at all (which is what he says) and was just trying to take care of his business.

If you want to be with him, I suggest you stop thinking so poorly of him and start giving him the benefit of the doubt and more importantly, start talking to him straight. Don't ask pointed questions and such. Tell him what you think is wrong and why. Have a conversation. And listen to him just as he should listen to you.

The answer you are looking for is YES. The reasoning is simple: All relationships are disapointments. They all end in tragedy. They are uneventful and dramatic, but always a dissapointment.

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Originally Posted by Universal Truth

The answer you are looking for is YES. The reasoning is simple: All relationships are disapointments. They all end in tragedy. They are uneventful and dramatic, but always a dissapointment.

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Ouch. You've never had a rewarding relationship? I feel for you.

Of all the ones I've had, only a few were disappointments. The others I cherish, even though they ended. I wouldn't be who I am now if I had not of known the people that I loved and loved me.

I would have to say... move on. Seems like you're only gonna get hurt again, so move on.

Even if he says he doesn't want to deal with her , keep in mind she is his child's mother and will ALWAYS be in his life in some way or another, whether you like it or not.
The only say you get in this matter is the decision to stay with him and deal with it or ditch the drama and move on.

Thanks for all of you guys advice I took it all in and its really making me think
Sometimes I do seem to always expect the worst out of people. I don't know It's just that since he has hurt me before I tend to expect the worst and ask him ridiculous ?'s so there won't be any surprises in the future. I need to work on my trust and jelousy issues.

You may have jumped back into this relationship to fast, without resolving your issues. That will take time, and be hard to do while your together, as he will influence any decisions you make, maybe not directly but his presence always be there.

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I need to work on my trust and jelousy issues.

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It takes time and hard work on both your parts.