I was divorced from my ex in July of 2004, the last time he even tried to make contact with our son was in January of 2005. He didn't pay child support or answer any of my calls for the entire time up until the state started forcing him to pay child support in June of 2006. So, for over a year of my son's life no CS, not even a phone call. Then after the 1 phone call in June of '06 we still didn't see or hear from him again until 3 months ago. He popped up unannounced at my grandmother's house saying he wanted my new number. By this time 2 1/2 years have passed since he has even visited my son, my son is 5 now, I am remarried and we have all moved on. My husband has adopted my son in every way except the "legal" paperwork way, and my son thinks he is his father and has no memory of any other father in his life except my husband. But, we were served with papers this last week saying that my ex suddenly wants access and possession of the child. He lives out of state and this would be really traumatic for my son. Is there anything I can do to protect my son? Also, the last time I saw this guy he was using drugs, and he has never been able to hold a job for more than 8 months at a time. The attorney general is always having to track him down. The CS is spotty to none anyway, I'd rather give that up for some piece of mind. The state simply requires he pays it because he doesn't give health insurance, I have to use medicaid for my son.

Have your new husband legally adopt your son. That's the best thing you can do for him right now.

Even if he would give up his "rights" that does not stop his obligation to pay child support unless your new husband adopts, and the ex will have to give his permission for that also.

I will assume the child knows he had another father, because of family and friends,

You can speak to your ex who may be glad to sign over rights and allow your new husband to adopt if he knows he will not have to pay child support.

Or of course he may have changed, and he may not want a relationship with his child and as long as he does, it is doubtful you can take his rights away from him.
Not what you wanted to hear but in real life what happens 85 percent of the time.

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Originally Posted by smckeeman

Is there anything I can do to protect my son?

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Yes, you get an attorney to go with you for the hearing on visitation. You need to produce proof of a drug habit and his spotty work history. You need to find out what his status is now. Also get a child psychologist to testify about the deleterious affect this will have on your son.

There are only two ways for this to go. You either convince the court he is an unfit father or you get him to relinquish his rights. You do have some leverage. If you take the position that you want him to relinquish so your husband can adopt, then that gets him off the hook for child support. That might convince him or maybe that's what he's angling for.

All these answers are good, but I doubt it will be that easy... your ex is probably just out to get youif you want to know the sad truth. He probably doesn't care a thing about your son. Try to bribe him, as bad as that sounds, say I won't go after you for back child support if you sign your rights away. That's exactly what my dad to my bio egg donor. =) If that doesn't work, most likely he will get some sort of visitation and in this case let him dig his own hole, every time he is late, record it, every time he does or says anythig out of the way record it, get proof of the drug abbuse, make sure that court knows that! Oh and one more thing, if he disappears again, have papers drawn up that your husband wants to legally adopt your son, it will be put in a newspaper and if no one can get a hold of him in a certain amount of time, the process CAN be completed that way... My daddy remarried a woman (my mother) and she had two kids and that's how he adopted her kids because their daddy disappeared.. Good ridence!

Well he has a right to go to court and seek whatever visitation or custody he wants. That's not to say that he'll get it but you're going to have a fight ahead of you. You should get yourself an attorney as that'll make things a lot easier.