I'm a 20 year old guy living with my mom and my little sister. My mom is tired of me around, saying I don't help her around the house, which I am sad to say is somewhat right. I don't do as many chores or things she asks me or expects me to do on my own, mainly because she does it anyway so I don't have to, it's wrong and I hate it and she hates it more. She calls me a "renter who doesn't pay". And it's getting worse. I have a car of my own and I'm trying to get out of the house on my own, but I don't know where to start.

I work a part time job and the schedule is very varied, I only work about 10-12 hours a week and make very little money, I want to work more or get a better job with more hours and pay but I'm very picky about what to get. And I'm not able to get a full time (9-5) job yet, Im looking to bump up to 20-25 hours a week.

I go to college, and have been for the past two years, (she pays for it because I can't), and I have 8 credit hours a semester and working up to 12, that takes about 8 hours a week. I play lacrosse for my college team and that takes another 4 hours a week.

Other than that I spend the rest of my time at home pretty much, unless I have to do an errand involving any of the above things.

She has now begun to threaten me with calling the cops to get me out of the house, or to put me in a motel for the night, or just kick me out of the house for good, take me out of her will, give me a 6 month deadline to get out of the house, etc etc, the threats just keep coming.

There is too much tension between us, almost to the point of physical aggression, but not there yet. I need help because I don't know what to do, things are getting worse and I don't know who to ask, where to go, what to do, how to get things better. I'm stuck.

I don't want to be a failure in life, I have goals for myself but it's going to take time to get there, I don't want to stay living with my mom, I want to get out on my own ASAP and I want to work more and make more money to begin my career.

About me being "picky" about my job, I want to get a career in sports administration and openings are very small in Arizona, I am going to college for a sports administration degree but I'm still getting basic classes out of the way. The only positions you can get are full time "fun" jobs but they are all the 9-5 stuff, I can't do that, but I don't want a part time "boring" job where 99% of the people working there do it to get out of the house or make EXTRA money.

I'm just lost, confused and desperate for help, I need advice, no matter how painful or drastic it is, things need to change now.

Thank you very much for ANY help.

Just tell your mom your working as hard as you can to get out of the house. Maybe she will understand. And you can not be picky about the job you want. Else you would have no job most likely. It may be time to stop playing lacrosse if it is interefering with how fast you get through college. Its suppose to be a fun time but you can't fall behind.

I just started playing lacrosse for the school last year, and we do all our practices and games at night so it doesn't get in the way. Also I have told her many many many times about how I'm trying to work at it, what I know about her is that she believes that everything on earth is easy to fix, like problems can go away just by wishing it or asking for it to get fixed.

If you plan well, you can be independent now since your mom is already paying for college, and you are willing to work part-time. It sounds like you are afraid to live away from home for the first time. I understand. But you have to do this sometime. Now is just as good as any. Start planning, and see what you can do without to be independent.

What are some of the things (chores) your mother wants you to do around the house? Certainly you pick up after yourself (I hope). Is she unreasonable? If not, why not do the chores she asks you to do? Like my mother used to say, "Do it now and get it over with, then you can play." If she's unreasonable, what do you think should change?

You are in college and in a sports program. You don't have enough education and experience to get a full-time job that pays well. That will come after college. My advice is to put your heart and soul into school and into working out the chore situation with your mother. It won't be for much longer. Once you graduate, you can get a full-time job and make some decent money - enough to be able to afford an apartment with maybe a roommate or two. Then you and your roommates can do ALL the chores all by yourselves without your mom.

Meanwhile, talk to someone in the career counseling department at your college. I remember getting, through them, all sorts of part-time jobs babysitting, house cleaning, dog walking, etc. jobs that paid for my books and supplies at least. I had also landed a job in the college accounting office and another in food service. My parents helped with some of the tuition, and I took out loans that I paid off during the ten years after graduation.

You can do this. In two or three years you will look back and say, "That wasn't so bad after all!"

I say just wait out college and try to work things out with your mom... and if you think you can't do that then try to scrounge up enough money to get a small apartment...

You say you are a twenty year old man. Why is this posted under "teens?" You live rent free, but don't help your mom out with household chores. I'm guessing you eat most of your meals there, too. Every offer to stock the pantry and fridge for Mom?

How convenient for you that you have a place to live and food to eat so you may have the luxury of being picky about the job you will take. You see there are thousands of people going to school taking on a 15 hour semester and working full time at one crappy place and baby-sitting, dog-sitting and cleaning house on the side to get themselves through school while living in overpriced one room lofts. You don't appreciate how lucky you have it.

My suggestion is to immediately more helpful and less of a burden to your mother. If you are not paying rent, then you need to be contributing to the household by doing work - graciously and cheerfully. Help with the chores - pick out one of her least favorites or one that always needs to be done (like laundry) and assume it as your duty. It would also endear you to your mother if you contributed to the groceries, too. When you get paid, buy a sack of staples (milk, eggs, bread). I bet your mother's attitude will turn around immediately.

Instead of being a spoiled child who expects everything to be done and paid for him, why don't you step up and become a man and start contributing to your family?

Payign some rent would more then liekly solve your problem. If she gets that your'e working and going to school and are stressed then jsut imagine how SHE is ffeeling hosuing you. Pay her like 50 $ a month or so just as a start and work your way into more. You do owe it to her after all.

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Originally Posted by rpg1031

I'm a 20 year old guy living with my mom and my little sister. My mom is tired of me around, saying I don't help her around the house, which I am sad to say is somewhat right. I don't do as many chores or things she asks me or expects me to do on my own, mainly because she does it anyway so I don't have to, it's wrong and I hate it and she hates it more. She calls me a "renter who doesn't pay". And it's getting worse. I have a car of my own and I'm trying to get out of the house on my own, but I don't know where to start.

I work a part time job and the schedule is very varied, I only work about 10-12 hours a week and make very little money, I want to work more or get a better job with more hours and pay but I'm very picky about what to get. And I'm not able to get a full time (9-5) job yet, Im looking to bump up to 20-25 hours a week.

I go to college, and have been for the past two years, (she pays for it because I can't), and I have 8 credit hours a semester and working up to 12, that takes about 8 hours a week. I play lacrosse for my college team and that takes another 4 hours a week.

Other than that I spend the rest of my time at home pretty much, unless I have to do an errand involving any of the above things.

She has now begun to threaten me with calling the cops to get me out of the house, or to put me in a motel for the night, or just kick me out of the house for good, take me out of her will, give me a 6 month deadline to get out of the house, ect ect, the threats just keep coming.

There is too much tension between us, almost to the point of physical aggression, but not there yet. I need help because I don't know what to do, things are getting worse and I don't know who to ask, where to go, what to do, how to get things better. I'm stuck.

I don't want to be a failure in life, I have goals for myself but it's going to take time to get there, I don't want to stay living with my mom, I want to get out on my own ASAP and I want to work more and make more money to begin my career.

About me being "picky" about my job, I want to get a career in sports administration and openings are very small in Arizona, I am going to college for a sports adminstration degree but I'm still getting basic classes out of the way. The only positions you can get are full time "fun" jobs but they are all the 9-5 stuff, I can't do that, but I don't want a part time "boring" job where 99% of the people working there do it to get out of the house or make EXTRA money.

I'm just lost, confused and desperate for help, I need advice, no matter how painful or drastic it is, things need to change now.

Thank you very much for ANY help.

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Join the ROTC at the University. Go to Army basic training during the summer and hitch up with a Reserve or National Guard unit. Your ROTC commitment will keep from going abroad for some conflict. I see some of my cadets making approximately 2500 monthly from GI-Bill, Tuition assistance, ROTC Contract or Scholarship and SMP/weekend warrior.

Gain some time management skills and financial planning skills, that would help you have your won place or at least pay for the rent.

When I was your age, I took 18 hours each semester, worked 25 hours/week, 3 leaderships and having savings after paying for all the room, board and part of tuition.
Be independent is what you learn during college.

Maybe ask your coach if you can have some sort of athlete scholarship?

You are not getting that much sympathy and I understand why. My oldest nephew was working full time and going to college full time, plus paying his rent and bills. He even would take a semester off and work two jobs just to save money. Took him six years to graduate but he did it. My other nephew is funding his way through college via the National Guard. My oldest son worked any job he could get to work his way through college. A dollar earned at Wal-mart pays the same bill as a dollar made at the sports store.

You do not carry a full load at college, you do not work much, and yet you are whining about your Mom complaining about your freeloading. Move into the dorm! The way you approach life now is a good indicator of your future.