Ask Me Help Desk - My Girlfriend of a year and a half.she wants a "break".

My Girlfriend of a year and a half.she wants a "break".

All right people. I'm feeling really down so I thought I'd come here to tell you my story and maybe get a bit of advice..

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half.. she's 15 and I'm 16. Our relationship had everything, we went to each other's house nearly every day, we went on trips together and we were very happy with each other, or so it seemed.

About 4 weeks ago (I was just about to go on holiday), she suggested going out casually (we still see each other but see other people too). I said no, definitely not as I couldn't share her with other people. So that was that, we were still together.. going out steady.

When I came home from holiday (2 weeks ago), everything was back to normal. We went to each others houses and stuff and we were just acting like we usually would. Then one day she brought it up again, only this time she suggested that we go on a "break". She told me the reason for this was that we can see other people for a while. She told me she's only 15 and wants to see other people at this age.

I'm very hurt by this. I can't take my mind off her.

I have also done something very stupid.. I don't text her or phone her but when she logs onto MSN, I chat away to her. I've told her she's my everything etc etc, and I know I shouldn't have done this as soon as I read some topics on this forum.

Let her have her space. The more you push her the more likely she is to think that you really are not the right guy for her right now. She's probably just thinking that she's only 15 and doesn't need to be in a serious relationship.

You should respect her feelings and if she decides to break up let it happen and find another nice girl to date.

I know. She told me that she doesn't want a serious relationship at 15 years old but if we go on a long break, she will realise what she's missing...

Not if you keep chatting with her...

And honestly she may decide that she's not missing much. You need to be prepared for both outcomes.

That's why I'm going to try my best not to talk to her. It's going to be very difficult, but I'm going to do it.

I know. I love her very much however and I can't imagine my life without her. We have spent every day since we started going out with each other.

Just remember that its for the best.

There is one thing you will learn through you life-taking your time and waiting.
You two are still young, let her see more in her life and give her a chance, also give you a chance to see more.
Don't be blinded by love, don't rush things. Just give her some time, wait a little bit.
Your personal growth is more important at this point, so either she comes back after a while or leaves you, it's all part of life, you will grow stonger.

Just let the break take it's course. Take some time for yourself and enjoy it.:)

I will try to enjoy it. The most difficult thing is at night, when I think about how much I love her, I can't sleep. I know this girl is the one for me, even though I am only 16.

I do think she'll see what she is missing. It might take her a month or two, but she will see what she is missing.

Hang in there DazzaB and ponder this as you go:

When we are teenagers the pain is deep
But the learning curve is steep.

Our first lover we wish to marry,
We are sure she's the one and it feels a little scary.

Our hormones rage and our hearts beat -
We dream of a life together where our thoughts are deep.

Romeo and Juliet were just teens after all
And they got so overwhelmed they both took a fall.

The thing is that if they had hung around until they were a few years older
They might have seen that as you grow life makes you bolder.
It also makes you wiser.
So, hang in there in a few years you'll be old enough to drink budweiser...
And think of the girl you were sure you wanted to marry -
Because in a few years you might look back and be glad you are very...
Very... free.

Just a thought.

And when we are older we still have troubles... Here's some advice that may be of use in the future too:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

You had fun and now its over... with her at least, but there will be others. Enjoy your youth and don't waste it on being carried away with your emotions. It get better if you act right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half.. she's 15 and I'm 16.

I'm going to break the bad news to you. At your age this was never going to be a life long relationship. Truth is you'll probably be in more relationships and some will probably last longer. But that doesn't mean you can't pick up a few pointers from this and learn for the next girl.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

Our relationship had everything, we went to each other's house nearly every day, we went on trips together and we were very happy with each other, or so it seemed.

Tip number 1. Do not go to each other's house everyday. If you talk make it short. If you tell her your going to be there at a certain time, and it's not important that you be there at that time show up late by 15 minutes. Keep her guessing. End conversations with her and don't always be available.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

About 4 weeks ago (I was just about to go on holiday), she suggested going out casually (we still see each other but see other people too). I said no, definitely not as I couldn't share her with other people. So that was that, we were still together.. going out steady.

Tip 2. When she or any girl says that a couple of things are already happening. One is she is already thinking about it so there are problems already. Second is she is getting her courage up to end it. This sounds like it was a "dry run" to see how you would react, what she would feel like and how it would all play out. In the future if this type of question is posed to you, your answer should be "That's a great idea, I've been interested in seeing someone else myself" or "That's a great idea, I've got a lot of other things I'd like to do but I can't juggle them all and see you."

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

When I came home from holiday (2 weeks ago), everything was back to normal. We went to each others houses and stuff and we were just acting like we usually would. Then one day she brought it up again, only this time she suggested that we go on a "break". She told me the reason for this was that we can see other people for a while. She told me she's only 15 and wants to see other people at this age.

It's so hard to explain to people your age because you don't even know what real life is yet. I can't tell you because you haven't lived it but once your out of high school you won't even remember this girl. In reality it won't take you that long but the standards you live by are not realistic when applied to the real world. That is why I hope you can learn from this for future relationships.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

I'm very hurt by this. I can't take my mind off her.

Sounds like you need Chuff's get over the ex advice. Here it is...

I'd recommend making a list of things that you want to do in the short term only. Hang that list up so that you see it when you go to sleep and when you wake up and start working on those things. The more you focus on those things the better you'll start to feel and less you'll think of the ex.

I also recommend that if you don't have a gym membership you get one. Working out is a great way to get out of the house but also make yourself feel better. Get on a elliptical or stairmaster and just go for 10 or 15 minutes. Get off and rest and then do it again for another 10 or 15 minutes. I promise you, you won't be thinking about anything else other than what your doing. Plus it's healthy for you. Even if you don't get a gym membership take a walk, and go for long ones if you have the time. It gets you out the house, clears you head, and makes is healthy for you. If you have something else you like that's physical do that. Anything that creates motion in your body is good for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

I have also done something very stupid.. I don't text her or phone her but when she logs onto MSN, I chat away to her. I've told her she's my everything etc etc, and I know I shouldn't have done this as soon as I read some topics on this forum.

Well I don't know if I would call that stupid. You at least learned not to do it. Some people have yet to get that after several posters tell them over and over. But yes you are right in that this was the wrong thing to do. One of the problems you have created was that you were always there for her. You became so available that you never gave her space, or a time to think about your, or a time to wonder what you were doing. You were always there.

Secondly, telling her that she is your everything works awesome in the movies. In real life it get's your butt kicked to the curb. Women want a man that is solid, and one that has to tell her he needs her or she is everything to him makes him look soft. The other problem is you can't say to her "I don't need you" or "you are not my everything" because that only states the obvious that you do need her. So you have to show her by your actions that you are strong and don't need her by getting out of there and not talking to her. You must disappear.

But this time is also for you. It's a time to rediscover who you are and what you want that has nothing to do with her. So take your new found freedom, rebuild yourself, rediscover yourself and create some traits that will make you stronger in the future.

Yes, but we have agreed that this isn't the end. We went on a break last year for a month and it done us the world of good...

I'm going to do the "silence is golden" technique. I know that she will come crawling back soon enough and I will take her back. I will take your advice on not making myself so available. This is probably the reason it has came to this, we seen too much of each other thus making the relationship boring.

If she does come back to me and we get back together, and it doesn't work out... then I know it's for the best. But I think I owe the relationship that one more last chance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

Yes, but we have agreed that this isn't the end..

That sounds like an one way agreement to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

We went on a break last year for a month and it done us the world of good...

So the other guy she was interested in did like her back?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

I'm going to do the "silence is golden" technique. I know that she will come crawling back soon enough and I will take her back.

She may very well but how many times can she take a break with you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

I will take your advice on not making myself so available. This is probably the reason it has came to this, we seen too much of each other thus making the relationship boring.

Yes you are right... and you are learning. Good news here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

If she does come back to me and we get back together, and it doesn't work out... then I know it's for the best. But I think I owe the relationship that one more last chance.

You might, I can't make that decsion for you, but she made the break up call... not you. So you owe the relationship nothing at this point. It is her that needs to prove what the relationship is worth. You've done everything... and more that you can do for the relationship. Time for her to step up and hold her end of the bargin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

That sounds like an one way agreement to me.

No, we both stated that we would see how this break goes and that we will get back soon to see how we both feel.

So the other guy she was interested in did like her back?

I actually did the dumping back then. I made a big mistake and was made to pay for it.

She may very well but how many times can she take a break with you?

That's what my worry is. If this will happen again..

Yes you are right....and you are learning. Good news here.

You might, I can't make that decsion for you, but she made the break up call....not you. So you owe the relationship nothing at this point. It is her that needs to prove what the relationship is worth. You've done everything.....and more that you can do for the relationship. Time for her to step up and hold her end of the bargin.

You're right and I will try to avoid her until she contacts me. She texts me every night to tell me how much she loves me and to say night.

My quotes in bold...

At your age - less is more with the opposite sex.

But now's the time for learning kid... So, do what you must.
One day this may all look different.

And one note: Don't get anybody pregnant.

You guys just need your own space.
Don't go see each other every day don't go out all the time.
This is what happened with me and my ex we spent way too much time together and I really got sick of it I couldn't see any of my friends it was always him him him him.
And I now know why we didn't work out. It was seeing each other all the time it didn't make things speacial when we did see each other. And we just fought.
I know I wanted a break so I could go meet new people and make mew friends.
But I was not and will not sleep around.
Maybe this is all it is too much time together

Yeah, I think so as well Sarah. I really enjoy her company, so after I make her sweat a little and let her get used to being single again, I think we will give us another go.

Umm... why are you looking for a life-long commitment at 16? I made the same mistake but keep in mind that at 16, people say things and they usually end up being alf truths. I sure hope it'll work for you guys and I hope you'll be the 1 out of 20 who will marry their sweetheart from when they were teens. But you're gonna have to be prepared for the worst.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canada_Sweety

Umm... why are you looking for a life-long commitment at 16? I made the same mistake but keep in mind that at 16, people say things and they usually end up being alf truths. I sure hope it'll work for you guys and I hope you'll be the 1 out of 20 who will marry their sweetheart from when they were teens. But you're gonna have to be prepared for the worst.

Exactly! @ the age of 16, it's too early to look for a life long commitment.
When you start college, begin your job, enter the real world, you will change and grow.
U can't help changing, everyone experiences it. Nothing is easy in life, you can make things happen and see things beautifully but again it's not simple as you have thought.
Life without waves,up and down is not the one you want it to be.