Ask Me Help Desk - Is this normal

I want to know if you think this is healthy. I am dating a 43 year old man who has 2 children. He lets his 12 year old daughter sleep with him. Also when I am in my bed with him she will come in and get in bed right next to him. He sees nothing wrong with this. I do. Also she will lay next to him and he rubs her back under her shirt. I believe with her developing he should not be touching her like this. Also he tells her I love you do you love me all the time if he calls her and she doesn't have time to talk he tells her he will remember it and gets mad. Please help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lismik

i want to know if you think this is healthy. i am dating a 43 year old man who has 2 children. he lets his 12 year old daughter sleep with him. also when i am in my bed with him she will come in and get in bed right next to him. he sees nothing wrong with this. i do. also she will lay next to him and he rubs her back under her shirt. i believe with her developing he should not be touching her like this. also he tells her i love you do you love me all the time if he calls her and she doesnt have time to talk he tells her he will remeber it and gets mad. please help.

Wow the bit about the dad sounds a bit like mine but my little sister still baths with my dad and she's nine but his never tried anythign to either of us and I'm 17 hope you find your answer xxx

When she gets in bed with you it could be that she has issues with being alone. If she has done this her whole life it could be a hard habit to break. My older brother was like that and he wouldn't sleep anywhere but with his mom. They later found out it could be when he was young his mom and dad fighted all the time and he was scared of being alone. You should see if her mom and dad had a bad break up it could have something to do with it and she may also watch to many scary movies. They can keep a kid up all night. As for the way he touches her he probably doesn't see it that way. She will always be his little girl no matter how old she is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lismik

i want to know if you think this is healthy. i am dating a 43 year old man who has 2 children. he lets his 12 year old daughter sleep with him. also when i am in my bed with him she will come in and get in bed right next to him. he sees nothing wrong with this. i do. also she will lay next to him and he rubs her back under her shirt. i believe with her developing he should not be touching her like this. also he tells her i love you do you love me all the time if he calls her and she doesnt have time to talk he tells her he will remeber it and gets mad. please help.

It seems that he has depended on her for his need to love and be loved. Questions to consider? Where is her mother? Why is the mother absent? Was there previous abuse involved? Does the daughter seem withdrawn, extra shy? Does she seem rebellious? How does she respond to his need for constant reinforcement? Is she annoyed,fearful or just replying with memorized answers? How does she respond to you? Does she welcome your presence or jealous of it? Ask him as a girlfriend to let the time you sleep together be between you two. Be prepared for rage, if this is an unhealthy relationship. Spend more time with the girl. She is your link to finding out what the deal is, then you can act accordingly. Also, are there any other family members,aunts,etc. you know? Can you mention it casually to them? Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lismik

i want to know if you think this is healthy. i am dating a 43 year old man who has 2 children. he lets his 12 year old daughter sleep with him. also when i am in my bed with him she will come in and get in bed right next to him. he sees nothing wrong with this. i do. also she will lay next to him and he rubs her back under her shirt. i believe with her developing he should not be touching her like this. also he tells her i love you do you love me all the time if he calls her and she doesnt have time to talk he tells her he will remeber it and gets mad. please help.

I'm not sure but he is a sick bastard.

It sounds like you are a little jealous, why can't a parent rub his child's back and tell her he loves her?? Although it's a little odd that she gets into bed while you are there maybe she feels insecure. I am very close with both of my parents and the relationship doesn't sound all that odd.