Ask Me Help Desk - Love Or Family

Iam 23years, seeking your advice. I love someone and want to get married to him. But we both are of different religion. Both our parents are against it. His parents came home and told my parents that they don't want me to get along with him. And that conversation messed things totally. I cannot think of marrying anyone else. And I made myself clear of this to my parents. Now they think that I love him more than my parents. But I love my parents too much. Iam in a situation that I don't want to loose both. But in my case I need to lose either of them. If I want to marry him according to my parents I need to leave the house and go forever. Which I'm not able to do as I love my parents too much. But they don't understand that, they feel that I am acting as if I love them. I really don't know how to explain them that I love them too much. WHat ever I say they are saying that I am acting and that I don't love them. Now they have started hating me so much that it just kills me. And he is also so supportive and nice that I am sure that I will never get anyone better in my life. And now they want me to leave the house and stay in a hostel... iam not able to take all this. Its just killing me. Iam longing for their love. They have also made an agreement that I am leaving the family and they have ids-owned me off the property. And I signed it for them. I did that because I don't want them to feel that I am with them for their property. And they had started feeling that... Iam in a pathetic situation now. Kindly advice what I need to do now. I want both my parents and Him .I don't want to lose either. Im not able to leave the house and family were I was for 23 years. Im in a mess... please help!!

You have to make a decision. Your family can't decide for you.

You need to think about yourself and your future. Your folks seem too protective and controlling. I would hope that if you're really in love and get married, you would be very happy. And I hope they would see you happy and come around to accepting that you need to make your own choices in life.

Wow. You're in a tough situation.

I can't really give advice except to think about some things that may help you decide. Lots of people will tell you that religion should always come before family, and before any one person. That can be hard sometimes, but it all depends on what you believe spiritually and emotionally. Since there is no doubt your parents (family) would change their minds, ask yourself if you are willing to cut them out of your life for a man. On the other hand, if you did, would your husband and his family accept you unconditionally and provide the family life that you'd need? If not, I would seriously consider heading your parents words. You don't want to give up two families for a marriage since it does sound like that's important to you.

Would bringing both families together to discuss this help in anyway?

I'm sorry they're putting you through this... Good Luck!

You do mind me asking what religion you and your boyfriend are?

I know it's tough. My husband and I are different religions also. My parents didn't really care about that,(they cared about my age I was 17 when I got married) but my mother-inlaw did and does. My husband decided he wanted to be with me and religion wasn't going to be an oppsticule for us even if his mother didn't agree.
I know my Hubby was hurt when we got married because she was not there to support us. After a couple months my hubby calls his mother and his mother was still upset. I heard my hubby tells her "it's my life, i'm sorry you don't agree, but if you love me you'll respect my wife and me". It's tough.
It's really tough when people don't agree/support your marriage. But love is stronger than anything. Your parents need to understand, and will understand.
My mother inlaw still looks at me different cause I'm not her religion. But you know what? I don't care, because I know my hubby will always be there to support me and defend me if anything goes wrong.
I'm sorry you are going through all this. Is there any possibilities you BF or yourself will convert to a single religion.
Let us know what happens.
Good Luck :) and stand up for yourself. It's your life and family should always support you not give you their backs.

Actually Im a hindu and he is a christian. Hmmm... hope things turn out well. THanks for your valuable time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

Wow. You're in a tough situation.

I can't really give advice except to think about some things that may help you decide. Lots of people will tell you that religion should always come before family, and before any one person. That can be hard sometimes, but it all depends on what you believe spiritually and emotionally. Since there is no doubt your parents (family) would change their minds, ask yourself if you are willing to cut them out of your life for a man. On the other hand, if you did, would your husband and his family accept you unconditionally and provide the family life that you'd need? If not, I would seriously consider heading your parents words. You don't want to give up two families for a marriage since it does sound like that's important to you.

Would bringing both families together to discuss this help in anyway?

I'm sorry they're putting you thru this... Good Luck!

Actually we had tried bringing them todather to discuss... but they get togather and stick with only one concept.. RELIGION...

In America we make our own marriage choices, so the only advice I can give you is to make a choice between your family and the one you want to marry. How does he feel about this? Does he support you and is he ready to make a choice also? You and this man must get together, and make a plan that works for you two.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

In America we make our own marriage choices, so the only advice I can give you is to make a choice between your family and the one you want to marry. How does he feel about this ?? Does he support you and is he ready to make a choice also? You and this man must get together, and make a plan that works for you two.

Yes, he does support me (for now I can say). He says that he is ready to do and take anything. And I should say that he has been standing up to his words till now. But its so difficult to convince family and sort things out in India. THey are ready to keep me home without getting me married off, but they just say NO for him. But all I can see now is that my parents love me too much and they are too pocessive to loose me. And my guy is equally loving and caring. Gosh, I am just waiting for all this to end.