So... I'll try not to make this too long. I am 18yrs old, and I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year now. I just got out of high school in June. He was supposed to also, but dropped out. He is making an effort to try to get his diploma this summer, and I think he will. The problem is... well.. there are a few. First thing, I am not in the U.S. with him. I visit Japan every summer to see my parents(I'm not going to explain why about this situation since it would get long... ). And I am planning on going to college this next fall in the U.S. So... I donno where to start really.. The college I'm going to isn't a place I'm crazy about, but I'm going there so I'll be closer to him. I was really wanting to go to this other college, but he told me if I'm going to go there I don't care enough about him since it's about 2hr drive away blah blah blah... And so I decided to go to the other college, and possibly transfer later. He tells me that I don't care enough with these reasons, when all I'm trying to do is to get a better education. I just... want to tell him to look at himself before he tells me that I don't care enough. He wouldn't show up to school at all, and so I will ask him why... and he would say that he was really tired and he needed to "rest", but from now on he will really try hard. He has evern "promised" me about that. But no it didn't happen. He has also promised me that he will try not to smoke a lot of pot. He has also broken that promise. He even came to school high a few times, which made us ending up in a huge argument. There are other things that he promised me about and have lied to me, which involved another girl, but I don't want to get into that. Anyway... I tell him that because of all the things in the past year, I don't know what to believe in now. And he tells me that he made "mistakes", and that he will never do them again. But... he says that every time... what am I supposed to believe in? I feel bad for not trusting him or forgiving him when he says he's sorry, so I do forgive him but... I feel like I need to be much stronger... I know he feels bad about the things he has done... and I don't want to tell him, it's me or it's pot, since it's a thing he does for fun with his friends... but before he would do it every day instead of going to school... I just.. donno what to do... Don't know what to tell him at all. I don't want to control his life, but he is controlling mine by making me feel guilty(the college thing). So... what am I supposed to do?? Is he really selfish or... what... I don't understand. When I'm over here in Japan, I want to talk to him so bad all the time, but he never contacts me unless I contact him. And I told him that it would make me happy if he replied to my messages a bit more and tell me if he's going somewhere or not so I won't think he's ignoring me etc... but he told me he doesn't want to tell me where he's going and stuff since it feels like he's "reporting" to me like I'm his mom... so yeah... I'm just like.. whatever... I donno what to do... I know he cares about me, I really do. But I just wish that he would do something for me without me asking him. If he really cared, wouldn't he want to talk to me? I don't get it... Am I just thinking too much? I donno what I really want to hear from other people but... I donno... Just tell me what you guys see... because you know what they say... love is blind and I really feel like I'm not seeing what I really need to see. So what do you guys see? Sorry this is super long but... I'm just really at lost in what I'm doing... Opinions would really help guys.. thanx...

He is trying to hold you back from getting a higher education? AND he says he cares about you? Hmm... That does not make much sense to me. If he cared about you, he would be happy you want to go to a better college to get a higher education. And yes, if he cared about you, he would want to talk to you, he knows your not his mom, most likely he does not want to tell you where he is because he is out smoking pot, or doing something else he thinks he can not talk to you about. My advice is you should leave him and get on with your life. What I see from your story is, Your boyfriend is not going to stop smoking pot, and yes, he does not want to talk to you, if he never contacts you, than he does not care about you, he should WANT to talk to you, not just because you called him, but because HE WANTS to talk to you because he CARES about you.

Why are you trying so hard and he's not? Who's putting all the effort into this relationship? Doesn't your answer to my second question tell you something? Now, what are you going to do about it?

Why hang your star on a guy who couldn't finish High School, smokes pot, and doesn't care enough about you to let you get a good education. On top of that he makes promises he can't keep, and his word means NOTHING. Everything is about him. That makes him a selfish loser, and what does that make you for listening to a selfish Loser?? Follow your own dreams and accomplish what makes you happy and leave SL(Selfish Loser) at home trying to get his High School diploma. Ain't that much love in the world, to make me the slave of a Selfish Loser!!!

Hello.

You sound like a special lady and should be treated that way. This Guy is only going to hold you back from doing what will make you happy in life (people like him bring others around them down so they don't see how much they fail in life) so dump him now and go to the school you want to go to. If he does get his head together then he will find a way to be with you. If not its his loss not yours.

I know your saying he needs help but if you open your eyes you will see that he has to help himself and you doing what he wants isn't helping your hurting him by not making him deal with his life.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Thank you everyone for giving me advice. Me n my boyfriend had a talk recently that turned into an argument. He says he can quit pot if I told him that I want him to, because I am more important than anything else etc... So I'm thinking I might give him another chance... and if he blows it, its done. But at the same time, is it wrong for me to tell him to quit? Shouldn't he actually figure it out by himself? I told him that, and he said that all that matters to him is me, and if I'm going to break up with him because of this, he will totally quit. So I'm going to try this AGAIN, see how it goes. It's hard for me to trust him, but I'm going to try. I donno if he really understands what I'm doing... Like, I've been forgiving him a whole lot, and he has broken my promises, and he still doesn't know why I can't trust him quite well. Also, he has said that he kept my promise before, and I asked him what that was. He said that he hasn't had a romantic anything with anyone since I left the U.S... And I totally thought he was the dumbest guy on earth. Isn't that the first rule in a relationship? Anyway... Thats what's happening right now with us...

He is doing and telling you what you want to hear so you can take him back, and your smart by questioning his motives, as an addict needs to quit for them, and not as a means to get what he wants from someone. You can waste time, but this is a promise I don't think he can keep.

Sounds like you need to find yourself a new boyfriend! This one's not worth the time of day. High school dropout, pot smoker ; sounds like a real upstanding citizen! Unfortunately you're running the risk of heading down that same road, choosing your college based on its proximity to him even though you say it's not one you're particularly crazy about. You have so much more than this ahead of you, please don't throw it all away on account of this drone! And choose your college based on where you really want to go and where you feel you'll get the best education, not what'll make him happy. These next 4 years are going to be the most important of your life, so it's very important to set your priorities straight.

My boyfriend smokes pot... but he still goes to work.. it doesn't interfere with his job or other priorities.. I do think its wrong for you to ask him to quit... but if its coming in between you two you should tell him to go back to school or get a job.. and ask him to cut down.. and you should also talk to him about the college thing.. you should go to the college you want to go to.. regardless of howf ar away it is from him.. if he doesn't want to date you if your further away.. he doesn't love you.. he will deal with it if he does love you. Hope everything works out.