Hi,
I had been dating this guy for 2 years. We both go to uni and met there. A few weeks ago he broke up with me suddenly and I wasn't expecting it. I was and still am completely hurt, shocked and devastated by it. I believe we were such a great couple and so do all my friends and his friends, they were all very shocked when they found out.

His reasons for doing so were

1. He doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore because we had had a few arguments and didn't have much to say to each to each other. (We r on are summer hols at the mo and I've been working everyday as has he. We hvnt had anything interesting to speak about on the phone apart from work.)

2. He feels we don't work well together and it has got to serious.

My response to these reasons were that relationships are not always happy and they do have down times (we were having a down time when he broke up with me) but things get better.
I didn't really understand the "we got to serious part", we arnt together all the time I have my own friends and he has his and we have NEVER discussed marriage and children and stuff!

Since he broke up with me we had NO contact for a week, then he contacted me. We spoke and he said he still thinks he has made the right descison. I suggested that we meet up to discuss it so we can talk about it face to face. He wasn't so sure on this idea but is thinking about it now. I feel its nessasary to see him... I don't know why, perhaps I want to see if seeing me would change his mind??

I love him and miss him so much and really don't know what to do. His friends say that they are optimistic that when we get back to uni he will miss me and want me back, but I don't know! We were meant to go on holiday together at the end of August but now I assume we are cancelling it. :(

Can anyone help, do I contact him? What's he thinking? Will he want me back?

Xx

You can't convince someone to change their feelings. If he felt unhappy in the relationship why would you want him to stay with you to make you happy? That's not a fair expectation - with that being said I know this hurt and it sucks and you want some "real" reasons. I've been there.

I typically don't recommend things like self help books but I would recommend the book "Its Called a Break Up Because Its Broken". One of the first things the author says is to have NO contact for 60 days with the ex. It might help.

If not, remember if he doesn't want you too bad for him. He is the one missing out on the greatness that is you. Someone else will notice how awesome you are, just give it time.

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Originally Posted by beckiann

Hi,
I had been dating this guy for 2 years. We both go to uni and met there. A few weeks ago he broke up with me suddenly and I wasn't expecting it. I was and still am completly hurt, shocked and devestated by it. I believe we were such a great couple and so do all my friends and his friends, they were all very shocked when they found out.

His reasons for doing so were

1. He doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore cos we had had a few arguements and didnt have much to say to each to each other. (We r on r summer hols at the mo and I've been working everyday as has he. We hvnt had anything interesting to speak about on the phone apart from work.)

2. He feels we dont work well together and it has got to serious.

My response to these reasons were that relationships are not always happy and and they do have down times (we were having a down time when he broke up with me) but things get better.
I didnt really understand the "we got to serious part", we arnt together all the time i have my own friends and he has his and we have NEVER discussed marriage and children and stuff!

Since he broke up with me we had NO contact for a week, then he contacted me. We spoke and he said he still thinks he has made the right descison. I suggested that we meet up to discuss it so we can talk about it face to face. He wasn't so sure on this idea but is thinking about it now. I feel its nessasary to see him...i dont know why, perhaps i want to see if seeing me would change his mind????!!!!???

I love him and miss him so much and really dont know what to do. His freinds say that they are optimistic that when we get back to uni he will miss me and want me back, but i dont know! We were meant to go on holiday together at the end of august but now i assume we r cancelling it. :(

Can anyone help, do i contact him? whats he thinking? will he want me back?

xx

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I am no expert but I think he got bored with you... I think he just wants to have a little more fun and good times in his life esp. in college in summer too. I am bored to death with my wife of 4 months and we just started to try to have more fun in everything we do but we make sure to do it together if you do it apart then it seems like your life is better when your away from the other so you end up staying away from the other...

Can I just add this is his first proper long term relationship with a girl and when he broke up with me he kept asking me if his reasons for doing so were proper reasons... he seemed confused at the time. As I hvnt really spoke to him properly since I don't know what he is thinking now.

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Originally Posted by beckiann

Can i just add this is his first proper long term relationship with a girl and when he broke up with me he kept asking me if his reasons for doing so were proper reasons...he seemed confused at the time. as i hvnt really spoke to him properly since i dont know what he is thinking now.

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If he is confused about what he wants it might be best to sort of back away from him for a bit. I'd say let him know that the lines of communication are still open but that you feel like he may need some time to think and figure his feelings.

It might also be something as goofy as - this is his first serious long term relationship and he says his friends are single and having fun and maybe he is just getting that "itch". Who knows why guys do what they do?

But I would try to stay positive about it and keep busy with your friends and your hobbies and let him sort it all out.

I would leave him alone, give him time to get unconfused. If he wants to talk or get back he will get in touch. I would not contact him, by doing this you will for sure push him away. Plus by not contacting you can start your healing process, I contacted my ex fiancé 2 months after she dumped me again. By doing that I went back to square one and I was just hurt longer.

He said he wanted us to stay really good friends and to keep in contact this summer holidays.. how am I meant to stay in contact if I shudnt talk to him... :S

TRUST me if you keep talking uou will never get over him you will be hurt for a long time. It's been over 5 months since she broke up with me and I still hurt, but not as bad. If you don't want to heal keep talking to him.

Well - I'd keep minimal contact and I would wait to hear from him first. From there on out I would keep phone conversations short and breezy and would not put pressure on him to make up his mind. It's going to go 1 or 2 ways either he will realize that he does want to be with you after a summer of "freedom" or he will decide that he really does want to stay broken up. Please prepare yourself for either scenario.

Talk to him... you're going to have to get used to the fact that you guys are just friends. And I get where SAB is coming from but the NC thing is usually meant for breaks, because when it comes to breaks you get back together. NC break ups where you guys are supposed to be friends afterwards are bad ideas because as soon as you regain contact you get all those feelings back and you have to go through the same thing all over again.
Just a text once in a while to see how he's doing or something to let him know that you guys are still friends:)

Canada, They dated for 2 years so I would consider that a relationship and she said wants him to come back, so she has feeling for him. If she's OK with just being friends than I would just do a little NC but if she want to get back as far as a relationship she will always have those feelings keeping incontact with him. Not a good idea, maybe when she healty she can contact him.

I get that... had she said they broke up yesterday I'd be 100% with ya but it's been weeks... I know she should wait a bit longer, but she should at least try getting used to talking to him in a friend way.

Its been 2 weeks today that he broke with me x

I wouldn't get back together with him obviously there's some reason he did this and there's someone better out there and if you guys are really met to be togetehr then it will happen but don't change his mind change yours.

I went through a similar scenario myself years ago, I was going out with guy for about 9 months then all of a sudden he decides that we have no future together. I was completely devastated as the relationship felt like it was going somewhere and he had talked about the future with me at times. It took me 2 years to finally let go of him, in that time I still was hopeful he might change his mind but he never did. It was a awful time and he really broke my heart. 2 years later he got married to someone else! I am now happily married myself for now 7 years.
My suggestion to you is to break contact with him as soon as possible because as long as you have contact you will find it very hard to get over him. It sounds like he wants to move on and as horrible as that may make you feel, you need to do the same. Life will look brighter in time I promise!