Ask Me Help Desk - G/f and I both have lost something.

g/f and I both have lost something.

My g/f and I (3 months) are both in college and will be starting in a few weeks. I just went to visit her and something changed. It was def. noticeable. We have spoken and both agreed that something has occurred. She has doubts about if she will have those feelings again. There is a lot going on in her life at the moment (moving, family problems, etc) we have decided to take a break for 3 weeks no contact. She will be where I am in 3 weeks and we will see how it goes.

What's your question, and need more info about your situation.

My question would have to be is what are the chances that we can work through this? Is giving her time the best solution, considering the circumstances? 3 1/2 months ago, we had a bump in the road like this, and we worked through it. I think it's another bump, worth fixing. I truly believe we can do it...

How long were you together,ages,what happened need more info to give you a accurate answer.

We are both 19 years old. Go to the same college and are going into our second year. We have been together officially now almost 3 months (will be Aug. 6) When I went up to see her, I felt a little different like something didn't feel right. I thought it was just because I had not seen her in 2 months (We got together last month in school. Were always great friends and decided to have a relationship. She acted a little different while I was up there, I thought maybe because of her parents and stuff. Its different at college, your on your own. Then she has been gone past week on vacation (no cell phone coverage, so I haven't been able to talk to her much) Then on Monday night, we talked and something seemed wrong. I texted her and asked what was wrong,and she said she had been thinking. Igot concerned and called and then she told me that she was feeling different. I told her that I was too, but thought it was not enough to end a great relationship. We have been doing so good. She comes down to college in 2 1/2 weeks, and we decided that we won't talk to each other until then, break time. Is this a good idea? Should I call her in a week or so to see how she is? I care about this girl more then any body realizes. I don't give up on what I believe in. This is the scond time that we have gone out, earlier in the year, we tried but it didn't work out because another girl was in the picture and it complicated things. But since then things could not be any better. I think this is like a "speed bump" which we will get through. We have so much in common,young, mature, come from same backgrounds pretty much, and believe in same things. I WANT TO KEEP IT GOING!

Well seems like you've made up your mind, all you canr eally do is wait for her to make up hers. If you two really think it can work than it will! LOVE CONQUERS ALL! You seem like a sweet guy not seeing her for two months and being able to be so infatuated with her. She will realize that you are not worth giving it up. Your problems is probably occurring because you have not seen each other in so long, so you begin to forget what you two were all about before you left. I think things will be better when you return to college

Their may be a good chance she met someone else and don't know how to tell you now. I would give her, her space don't contact her until she see's you at school. Keep us updated.

I respect your opinion, but honestly she is not the type of girl to go behind my back. If there was someone else, she would have told me, I know that for a fact.

By the way, we are both moving to the same apartment complex... Her parents really like me and when I asked her what her mom thought about her thinking, she didn't answer. Its tough to just sit back and wait because we used to talk every night before bed on the phone. She is going to get her wisdom teeth out Monday, should I text her then to see how she is? I do care about her,but with the break thing, is that out of line?

Thanks guys.

The only reason I say she may be interested in someone else is when you said she was feeling different. When you care for someone your not going have those feeling. But maybe I'm missing something. But no I would not call if she said not to.

Your both young, 19! A time of much upheavel in any persons life. Hormones raging + added stress of college, parents, moving etc. Stick to this break and work on yourself but don't expect anything... After the end of the break you both need to sit down and have an honesty conversation with each other.

What do you mean by "don't expect anything" It is very difficult to that because of everything we have done and been through. I was very happy with her, AM HAPPY with her. I didn't think I would feel this bad considering that I did not feel the same feelings when I saw her two weeks ago. Now I feel like she is the one, and I have to do everything in my power to let her know about it. But I am going to give her space for the next 2 1/2 weeks, that's when I move into m apt and so does she. (Same complex)

Keep busy for the time being and see in 2 1/2 weeks! I am saying don't expect your relationship to continue or you may be dissapointed.

All you can do is what she asked, and wait and see when she comes back to school. Your both growing and changing that's just life and you must adjust to it.

Even though I said would not talk to her until the 2 weeks, should I call her or email her in a week. I just think not talking at all could do more damage then good?

You mean you can't do as she asked?

Personally, If I had asked my boyfriend not to call me for two weeks for a certain reason, I would not want him to. But I would love a text message saying "hey! i was just thinking about you, have a great day". It would be cute:) You said she is going threw a lot, she is obviously a very independent person not wanting you for a shoulder to cry on. Let her work it out, if she has a lot on her plate right now, let her deal with it, its probably best that she does so I does not bother your relationship in the future. This will only make you two stronger.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigapple1

Then she has been gone past week on vacation (no cell phone coverage, so i havent been able to talk to her much) Then on Monday night, we talked and something seemed wrong. I texted her and asked what was wrong,and she said she had been thinking.

I know you probably don't want to hear this but early in relationships, vacations can be quite destructive. I thought the same thing about my girl after 3 months before she went away. We were perfect together and she knew it. I said the same thing as you... "shed never go behind my back." But relationships are a huge step at any level and sometimes when people get away from it and aren't emotionally invested in it 24/7 they get a chance to reevaluate. So maybe she didn't meet anybody, but being away from you for a while definitely gave her an opportunity to rethink where she was at in her life and what she wanted for herself. You guys may very well be perfect for each other and its possible you're part of the bigger picture... but if her heart isn't in it 100% right now and yours is, it will never work. You're approaching the point in your relationship where you both need to be in it with everything you've got.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigapple1

She comes down to college in 2 1/2 weeks, and we decided that we wont talk to each other until then, break time.

Taking a break is more than fine in your situation, but to put a timetable on it is impossible. You can't decide ahead of time how long its going to take to figure out what's going on inside your head. Maybe its going to take her longer to figure out what she wants. I know it seems like that might do more harm than good but if you're meant to be together, then the more time you spend apart, the more she'll realize she needs you in her life. Saying that you're going to take a three week break is sort of like an ultimatum for her and it just adds unnecessary pressure to the point where she's going to end up counting down the days in fear of having to face you as opposed to looking forward to the end of the three weeks. Don't contact her, if you push her she will push right back. She's got a lot of stuff going on and she needs to figure out where you fit into her life. Give her the time to work it all out in her head and if you guys are as great together as you say you are, she won't be able to walk away from it.

That makes a lot of sense because it pretty much described her overall. Would it be a good idea to text her and say something along the lines of don't feel any pressure or something like that so when we do meet it will feel natural and not akward.

When I asked my bf for a break, I just needed time to think. He gave me my space and I appreciated that he respected it so much, but every once in a while, he would text me and ask me how me and my family were doing and if I needed anything and just showed he cared. (he was very close to my family so I didn't mind him asking about my fam). He did this like once every week-ish.
Maybe just a text saying "hey.. how are you doing.. etc." or just w/e would be a casual little thing to let her know you're thinking about her. And if you think you can go the next like 2.5 weeks NC then all the power to you.:)