It's best that we take a break
And that's what he said after 11 months of serious dating. Why? He said he felt pressureed and in a box because he knows that I would like to get married and that my parents want me to get married. He said our relationship needs to move to the next level or is in that place where it's moving to the next level. He said, "after two years of dating, it would be ideal to talk about marriage and yes, of course, you would be someone to marry. You're a great women. I'm just scared of the whole marriage thing."
You see he was in a bad -- per him-- marriage for almost 10 years. He got involved with an older women when he was 17 y/o. They have a school age child. She has two older kids. He parent all the kids. Although, they been separated for over 3 years, he continues to parent all the children.
And so, he said he was confused and needed time to think, and that it was not fair to ask me for time, so, instead that we should break-up meaning we could see other people. I was devastated. I just cried and I couldn't think about what to say. I was in shock because we seemed to get along very well. I was so emotionally connected to him; I still am. I thought he felt the same way. He never expressed any discomfort or concerns about our relationship. I was the one who talked about the difficulty of dating a man with children because I don't have any of my own. I accepted this part of his life and respected his time with the kids. So, I didn't say much except, "can I have my stuff back, I'm deleting your number from my phone and I'll see you in another life time." I was very disappointed and upset. He said I'll call you. I said, you don't have to lie to me, I'm an adult. He said, "I don't see how I wouldn't call you. I'll call you." And that was almost three weeks ago. He never called. Of course, I never called him and have no plans to do so. I feel like everything was pretty clear. I'm just hurt and very sad. Why do people act this way from one moment to the next. This whole issue began by him telling me one morning after a fun evening of drinks with friends that he just wanted me to know that he was not going to give me any surprises in our first year of our relationship. I was very confused by his comment. We were in bed. I asked if he was trying to break-up with me, he siad no. I told him that I wanted him to know I didn't want to date anyone longer than a year whose not thinking of marriage as a possibility for us. We left that conversation. And later, I got very upset. I called and spoke to him about it. He didn't say much. We talked later and cleared things and then he was distant. Shortly, he said he needed time to think.
What's going on in his mind? Why all this all of a sudden? It's very hard to process. What are people's thoughts? Is it super clear -- he's just not into you. I just can not get to believing that yet, but that's what it feels like.
It's best that we take a break
First read my previous question.
Okay, and I must also confess this. The night before he told me this. I got quite drunk. He drank a bit, but my friends swear he was not drunk. Now, I was. I don't usually drink, thus I'm a light weight. He likes when I drink. He thinks it's fun. In our entire relationship, I got drunk a handful of times. We always had fun, thus I felt comfortable drinking with him. Especially in the latter part of our relationship, I felt safe to drink when I was around him, meaning he would take care of me. So, I got drunk. We went to bed and of course, had sex. But, get this, we actually had a type of sex that we had never had before -- no not vaginal or oral -- yes, anal. I've never had done that. In fact, we had spoken about it and I said that I was not too interested, but that I would be willing to try in the future if say my husband wanted to. He said he wanted to do that because I had never done it and that all that counted was that he knew I would be willing to try. So, I think that night I was okay with it because I don't recall otherwise. But really I was super drunk. I don't even remember everything. After the sexual act, I remember crying on his chest. He held me. I don't remember us talking. Later we had sex again. We seem to be okay. In the am he was weird. Not fully, but a bit. That's when he said he wasn't going to give me any surprises in our first year of our relationship. While I inquired about what happened last night, including asking about if we had had anal sex. I told him I was super drunk. I said it was cool that we could be free sexually with each other -- like we were one. I was looking at it positively. But, when he said what he said and we had done what we did the night before and he knew how I felt about it, I was super confused and scared. And so. I mentioned this to him later and he didn't comment. Then, we cleared the marriage confusion. Then, he's distant and asks for a break. He said he needed time to think, that's he scared of the marriage thing again. I was even more offended. I don't think he thought about this marriage thing over night, so, if he knew this why did he go there that night? I mean I know I didn't say no, but I was drunk and he's suppose to care for me. See, when I see it this way, it makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe he just wanted that from me. But, that's not the person I know of him to be. Is he even thinking about this? Am I just the one feeling awful. It just seems so awful. Why would anyone do this?
