Ok so I never thought I'd have to get on one of these things and ask for help but I'm so lost and confused that I really don't know what to do. All right I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. I love him so much and I'm in love with him BUT there's someone else I like and I know he likes me too. Now this other guy is my friend... and he hasn't tried to do "anything" with me... he respects me and all that good stuff. Now my boyfriend is a GREAT guy.. and loves me very much but to be honest I'm tired of dealing with a little boy.. he's turning 21 pretty soon and has not done anything for his future. He doesn't have a high school diploma or even a GED.. he has a good job but that job is great now that he doesn't pay for rent or even has many bills so yeah its perfect now but what if I get pregnant or something like that? He couldn't support me. And he has a lot of self esteem problems.. im tired of being the mom and the counselor. He also makes me feel bad for him whenever I'm about to "break up" with him saying that I'm the only one who believes in him and has helped him and I feel so guilty because it sort of is true.. and I feel that if I leave him he'll feel alone. He also told me the other day that if I ever broke up with him he'll either kill himself which I know he won't or that he'll kill my new boyfriend whenever I got one and that he'll stalk me! Its like he manipulates me, but I mean he's a good guy and has been a good boyfriend but I'm truly not happy... and I know that our future won't be good if I stay. He has a lot of growing up to do. He gives me no space! I can never go out with my friends and the one day a week that I do go he's calls my cell every 2.5 seconds.. ive never given him a reason not to trust me. His mom cheated on his dad for 14 years so I know that has a lot to do with it.. but I feel like IM paying for what she did. Now this other guy... hes the complete opposite and knows exactly what I'm going through because his last relationship.. well she was the same way as my boyfriend. He's so much more mature and responsible. And I feel that if ever do get together one day.. we'll be happy! I don't know I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend... but I'm not happy! What do I do? IM SO CONFUSED SOMEONE HELP ME!!

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Originally Posted by kira1113

he also told me the other day that if i ever broke up with him he'll either kill himself which i know he wont or that he'll kill my new boyfriend whenever i got one and that he'll stalk me! its like he manipulates me

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That's emotional blackmail - he totally senses that you are unhappy in the relationship and is grasping at straws to keep you around.

Guess what? You're not responsible for his happiness or his moods. You are only responsible for yourself. If you are unhappy leave. You should never stay in a relationship so that the other person stays happy while you are miserable. You are too important for that - you deserve to happy. It sounds like you are an ambitious person who has her head on straight your boyfriend sounds kind of like a loser.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do but it seems like you pretty much have your mind made up. I think if you would be happier broken up then do so. If you decide to break up don't let his "Tales of woe" pull you back in. say it over and over again until you are blue in the face "I deserve to be happy!" :p

Now let me get this straight --

1. you are lost and confused
2. you don't know what to do
3. you've loved your boyfriend for 3 and a half years BUT there's someone else you like
4. your boyfriend is a GREAT guy.. and loves you very much
5. your boyfriend acts like a little boy because he hasn't done anything for his future, e.g. doesn't have a high school diploma or even a GED
6. your boyfriend has a "good job" but doesn't pay for rent or have many bills
7. your boyfriend couldn't support you if you get pregnant
8. your boyfriend has a lot of self-esteem problems
9. you're tired of being his mom and counselor
10. Your boyfriend makes you feel bad for him whenever you threaten to "break up" with him and says that you are the only one who believes in him and has helped him
11. You then feel guilty
12. You also feel that, if you leave him, he'll feel alone
13. Your boyfriend has threatened to kill himself if you leave him
14. Your boyfriend has threatened to kill your new boyfriend
15. Your boyfriend has threatened to stalk you
16. Your boyfriend manipulates you
17. Your boyfriend has been a "good guy" but you are truly not happy
18. You know your future with your boyfriend won't be good if you stay with him
19. Your boyfriend has a lot of growing up to do
20. Your boyfriend gives you no space
21. Your boyfriend won't allow you to go out with your friends
22. Your boyfriend checks up on you by cell phone every 2.5 seconds
23. Your boyfriend has no reason not to trust you
24. Your boyfriend is laying his parents' problems on your doorstep
25. Your boyfriend is the complete opposite of you

Why are you confused? I'm not.

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Originally Posted by kira1113

Ok so i never thought i'd have to get on one of these things and ask for help but im so lost and confused that i really dont know what to do. alright ive been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. i love him so much and im in love with him BUT there's someone else i like and i know he likes me too. now this other guy is my friend...and he hasnt tried to do "anything" with me...he respects me and all that good stuff. now my boyfriend is a GREAT guy..and loves me very much but to be honest im tired of dealing with a little boy..he's turning 21 pretty soon and has not done anything for his future. he doesnt have a high school diploma or even a GED..he has a good job but that job is great now that he doesnt pay for rent or even has many bills so yeah its perfect now but what if i get pregnant or something like that? he couldnt support me. and he has a lot of self esteem problems..im tired of being the mom and the counselor. he also makes me feel bad for him whenever im about to "break up" with him saying that im the only one who believes in him and has helped him and i feel so guilty because it sort of is true..and i feel that if i leave him he'll feel alone. he also told me the other day that if i ever broke up with him he'll either kill himself which i know he wont or that he'll kill my new boyfriend whenever i got one and that he'll stalk me! its like he manipulates me, but i mean he's a good guy and has been a good boyfriend but im truly not happy...and i know that our future wont be good if i stay. he has a lot of growing up to do. he gives me no space! i can never go out with my friends and the one day a week that i do go he's calls my cell every 2.5 seconds..ive never given him a reason not to trust me. his mom cheated on his dad for 14 years so i know that has alot to do with it..but i feel like IM paying for what she did. now this other guy...hes the complete opposite and knows exactly what im going thru because his last relationship..well she was the same exact way as my boyfriend. he's so much more mature and responsible. and i feel that if ever do get together one day..we'll be happy! i dont know im so confused. i dont want to hurt my boyfriend...but im not happy! what do i do?? IM SO CONFUSED SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

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I think you should tell him you need a break for a while too see if you want to go back with him or find someone else. And this other guy go on dates with him don't go straight to a serious relationship.