Hi,

All right, so I'm your typical guy who has his head full of images from movies where girls always meet their guy and they both instantly fall in love and everyone is happily ever after.

This girl and I met about month ago and we hang out a lot. I really, really like her and in the beginning it seemed we were kind of dating but it seems now that we're being friends. I guess since I am feeling a bit insecure because I very much want to go to the next step but I don't feel it's time yet. Sometimes I feel like she wants to too, but then sometimes I don't. I'm terrible at reading signals.

She tells me I'm a great guy and she feels totally relaxed around me and we constantly have fun with each other and make each other laugh. She loves being around me and vice versa.

Basically, I've never really dated. Where I grew up, if you were with someone they were your girlfriend. So now I'm "dating" this girl and it's fantastic and turning into such a great relationship. I just sort of wonder if this is how dating works? You spend a lot of time together getting to know each other and such and then it sort of blossoms into a relationship? That's what I'm hoping anyway.

Can some women out there provide some insight on women and guys that are friends? I don't want to rush things and I really think it's my brain and impatience that's making me worry that there might be something wrong. Guy opinions are welcome too, of course.

We are both above the age of 21.

Thanks for any responses!

Hello: There are all sorts of ways relationships start... and yours sounds right on track! Actually, couples research shows that the basis for a REALLY good, sound relationship is a REALLY good, sound FRIENDSHIP. A foundational friendship sets the stage for a grounded future partnership with someone. The friendship helps folks to make it past the rough spots that any relationship goes through. A friendship builds empathy, another plus in a relationship. If you know the other person quite well and vice versa then it's much easier to roll with the punches and exhibit a sense of good will when it's called for (which is quite often in most relationships!) On the other hand, if a relationship is based simply on physical passion and intense attraction, it can be superficial and short-lived. Having both a friendship AND a physical attraction is the gold standard, of course. From my perspective, I think in your post when you say you both love being around each other and that you make you each other laugh is an absolutely 100% positive indication your relationship with this woman is headed in the right direction.

I guess it just feels weird sometimes. Sometimes she's totally into me and other days she's kind of aloof and distant and I always wonder if it's me.

Could it be that she might be "aloof and distant" on some days because she's feeling the same as you... not really knowing where the relationship is going or how you might feel about her? It's hard to be vulnerable and be the first one to discuss "feelings", but maybe it's time you did and see where she's at. Better to know and understand what the other person is feeling/thinking than guessing about it. Not that I'm saying you need to express your undying love, or any such thing (at this point), but just a lighthearted conversation about where the 2 of you are heading and a little bit about how you feel... you can take your cues from her responses.

Your best to just find out for sure, if you watch movies or whatever together put your arm around her next time and see how she reacts. If she acts weird or asks what are you doing, well I guess she sees you as a good friend, oops. If she's fine with it then just go from there on the assumption she likes you as more than a friend.

The longer you wait the more likely you'll be "just friends" and stay that way.

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Originally Posted by PamelaAnn077

Could it be that she might be "aloof and distant" on some days because she's feeling the same as you...not really knowing where the relationship is going or how you might feel about her? It's hard to be vulnerable and be the first one to discuss "feelings", but maybe it's time you did and see where she's at. Better to know and understand what the other person is feeling/thinking than guessing about it. Not that I'm saying you need to express your undying love, or any such thing (at this point), but just a lighthearted conversation about where the 2 of you are heading and a little bit about how you feel...you can take your cues from her responses.

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I honestly think it's a bit too soon for that. As long as we seem to be headed in the right direction, then I can be patient. I like what you said earlier. I'm not very good at this stuff, ;)

I think for the first few months enjoy each others company, and have fun getting to know each other. If you pay attention, you can tell if she likes you as a friend or something more, but what's the rush? Take your time and pay attention, and live in the right now.

You need to make some moves, if your not ready for that at least make it clear that you have an attraction towards her and gauge her reaction. If you don't shoot you can't score.

You sound like a great guy with lots of respect and care for others and their feelings. That's great and that will stand you in good stead for something more with this girl.

It is great that you have heaps of fun when your together. That's what the first few months should be about. You don't want serious questions and drama while you are getting to know one another, You want laughter and good times.

It is great too that you want to go slow. SLOW is the best way to foster a happy and healthy relationship. And what man hasn't been confused about what a women is thinking or feeling. We've all been there. Its normal and part of the experience.

Some will advise you to be careful not to get too much in to friend zone. I don't know if I really go along with that. Many great relationships stem from great friends. My first and to this day only love was with me best friend.

But every now and then you have to take a risk to move forward in life. When you think the time is right take that risk and let her know that you really enjoy being with her and hope to perhaps take it to the next step if she shares the same feelings. If not, no harm done. Just shrug it off and continue having a good time. All people like to hang out with people who make then smile. Its just natural. So continue smiling yourself and help make her smile. You won't go wrong.

Thanks for all the input :D

Hello.

Relax and enjoy getting to know her. Your doing the right thing by taking your time. The best relationships start as friendships so be her friend. Don't worry about a label or name for what you have together. Let the relationship grow on its own. In time things will change and as they do it will feel right. Its not going to be a change like today friends and tomorrow Lovers. It will slowly move from quick Hugs to longer hugs, quick kisses to longer kisses.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Love without friendship is like building a mansion on the sand. Take your time, getting to know her well. SOunds like you are a serious guy, it's all looking good.:D