Ask Me Help Desk - I HATE MYSELF and my father

My father HATES gay people (he's a brute trust me) personally I'm not sure if I am gay or not... I am attracted to men to some extent I'm... 15. But I wouldn't fall in love with one and I would rather love a woman I prefer woman but I am also attracted to guys (again to some extent) anyway I have A bit a feminine in me not a lot just a little bit I don't want chest hair or hair on my belly. So I tend to shave that and I have a light voice and I talk somewhat fast they say I talk like a girl. I sometimes bend my wrist when I point that it regular... but my father still has to say something about it in front of people! He also says I hold my fork like a sissy when he eats like a pig (literally pushing everything down his throat) every time he says something to me like that I get so pissed and somewhat sad. I don't want to change but to save public embarrassments I need to toughen up a bit do you think boxing might help?I just need help I'm truly starting to be honest hate my father my mother I don't hate her it's just she doesn't defend all she does is watch him bully me. And then later tells me to do as she says my mom is a strong christian I been called gay in school before and that doesn't hurt cause I probley never see those people again but hearing stuff from my father of all people hurts me.Also I'm kind of big and tall so this is even harder cause people expect me to be this big tough guy.My father used to hit me... until he beat me so hard in front of my grandmother that my mother had no choice but to stand up.he probley thinks I forgotten but I will always remember that day I just want to die:mad: :(

The only thing that soothe me from this whole problem is mariah careys fly like a bird song I only wish god can carry me home (sorry for getting a little religious)

Oh man. This is a toughy. First of all, good for you that you feel comfortable with who you are. That's the most important step of all. I want you to realize that you cannot change how people think of you or how they act and this includes your father. He sounds like a bad person who bullies his wife and son. I'm so sorry for your situation.

I do not think you should change for anyone and maybe you should talk to a counselor at school about what's going on at home. It takes steps to accept that a parent may never really accept you the way you want them to.

You sound like a brave young person and I wish you the best.

God will help you in your path. Leave that up to him, if or when he decides to he will take you, but now you got to be strong. Love yourself first and others will too. Understand yourself to be understood. Also I know how it's like to have some sort of resentment towards your parents but that is kind of poisonous to the soul. Please get some emotional and Psychological help. You need to start healing, now.

Hey little brother... WOW - that is a tuff situation..
I am myself from a HUGE Catholic family and was spanked and hit through many of my school years. I am not gay myself however my mother is now and she's is and always has been my favorite person in the world. I see how she feels the need to suppress that part of her life in public because of the way the ingnorant people and the over zealous religious can treat you. BOXING is not your answer... A therapist is what it took for me to get rid of my anger from the past (father, life, school, etc) Don't think of a therapist as a "SHRINK" - think of it as a Doctor for your mind, emotions, and the direction of your happiness for the future. A therapist has no judgemental hang-ups about your opinions, needs, wants, and desires... they just want to help. I'm not bashing God here but - be weary of any treatment that is religious based as they have a BLACK and WHITE rulebook when it comes to some issues (such as HOMOSEXUALITY) - they will tell what they want you to do rather than what might really help. Religion and reverence is important to have, but many MANY religions such as Catholic and Christian have some very narrow minded and archaic stuctures on such matters. I know you feel lik an outsider in your own life but trust me brother you aren't... the rest of your life has yet to come... and there you will find the space to grow into whatever kind of good person you want without dealing with the hassles of those you feel are wieghing you down.. All you need to have religion is your personal one-on-one relationship with your God in whichever way you choose to find him. There are hundreds of religions... nobody knows who's right...
All in all, keep your mind strong and away from the thoughts of hate, use music, and activity to free yourself from the negativity, you will learn to forgive and accept your family for who they are in time... Surround yourself with the things and people who bring your mind and thoughts positive until you can fin a way to see a therapist, and then you will be abl to unwrap the rest of the things that are on your mind.. above all - Love Yourself, that is the one quality that will show to others is when you walk with acceptance and self respect...
Lots of Love my brother, -BMAC-

LOVE YOURSELF!! Get up everyday and look in the mirror and be that guys best friend all day long!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Josias201

My father HATES gay people (he's a brute trust me) personally I'm not sure if I am gay or not.....I am attracted to men to some extent I'm.......15. But I wouldn't fall in love with one and I would rather love a woman I prefer woman but I am also attracted to guys (again to some extent) anyways I have A bit a feminine in me not alot just a little bit I don't want chest hair or hair on my belly. so I tend to shave that and I have a light voice and I talk somewhat fast they say I talk like a girl. I sometimes bend my wrist when I point that it regular....but my father still has to say something about it in front of people! He also says I hold my fork like a sissy when he eats like a pig (literally pushing everything down his throat) every time he says something to me like that I get so pissed and somewhat sad. I don't wanna change but to save public embarrassments I need to toughen up a bit do you think boxing might help?I just need help I'm truly starting to be honest hate my father my mother I don't hate her it's just she doesn't defend all she does is watch him bully me. and then later tells me to do as she says my mom is a strong christian I been called gay in school before and that doesn't hurt cause I probley never see those people again but hearing stuff from my father of all people hurts me.Also I'm kinda big and tall so this is even harder cause people expect me to be this big tough guy.My father used to hit me......until he beat me so hard in front of my grandmother that my mother had no choice but to stand up.he probley thinks I forgotten but I will always remember that day I just wanna die:mad: :(

The only thing that soothe me from this whole problem is mariah careys fly like a bird song I only wish god can carry me home (sorry for getting a little religious)

Angel, this is Bobby's girlfriend (he couldn't help but show me your letter)... I couldn't help but see the problems you're going through and I sympathize with you. I wish you nothing but the best. Don't let anyone influence you into being something you're not. Talk to your parents one on one... that's the only way to get through to them and let them know how you feel (whether they accept it or not)... even though it won't be easy... it's the only way... then you may have some kind of peace... so you know how how they feel and then eventually you can move on from there... it's good to know earlier in life how your parents may react than later...