Hello!
I am Adrian and I am 14. I am here by a mere chance and I like your advices and answers.I know many children don't have fathers. I have THREE fathers but it doesn't make me happy. I have a "legal father"-this is the man who was married to my Mom when I was born and pays support for me also he regulary comes to visit me. I have a "biofather"-this is the man who fathered me and was introduced to me last year.I have a "stepfather" this is the man I have been living with him for seven years.Sounds great?No-all is upside down.What's up nowadays.
My "legal" father doesn't like my "bio" father and he doesn't want my meetings with my "bio"father.He said if my "bio"father wanted to play as Dad he had to pay more than $200,000 as child support and expenses which he has payd for me and to pay emotional damages.My "legal" father thinks if he allows my "bio" father to step in my life he will lose me.He applaid papers for restraining order.
My"bio"father thinks he is my only father.He said that my "legal" father didn't"t have any rights.He filled papers in court for custody and visitation.
My stepfather doesn't like my "other" fathers.Sometimes he refuses my " fathers.Sometimes he refuses my " father to visit me because it is not the court ordered time for visitation and the problem is my " father to visit me because it is not the court ordered time for visitation and the problem is my "father works in shifts.My stepfather has forced my Mom to go to court and to change my family name from my "father works in shifts.My stepfather has forced my Mom to go to court and to change my family name from my " father's family name to his because I live in his home.
I really don't like my mother.She is not a very fit woman and she is in the middle of this mess.
I expect you to write that Dad is what I call my Dad.Maybe it is true but I think I can have one "real" father's family name to his because I live in his home.
I realy don't like my mother.She is not a very fit woman and she is in the middle of this mess.
I expect you to write that Dad is what I call my Dad.Maybe it is true but I think I can have one "real" father is.

Personally I think your father is the person you bond with most and who you consider to be a driving force in your life. The person you can go to when your in trouble or just need a hug. You shouldn't let the infighting between them blur the fact that you may get along with them all for different reasons. YOU don't need to choose between them, if they want to be fathers then they should put their own differences aside and do what is best for your welfare, even though you may not always agree with what they say. i.e. you have to go so school no matter what any of them say :p

Your old enough to make your own decisions regarding who you do / don't like now, and if they can't get along, that's their problem. I think putting you in the middle of it all is very selfish of them and if they are using you to gain points on each other then none of them is fit to be a father.

Your stepfather seems to be the one who is looking out more for your interests and trying to shield you and your mother from the infighting between them.

You could try writing a letter to them all, write down exactly what you feel and copy the same letter to each of them. If they want to play father then they should at least have an understanding that being a father isn't about what THEY want but is about looking after and helping their child.

It does not matter who pays what to whom, that's not your problem. Your problem is the fact that you have 3 people fighting with each other trying to prove they are the better father.

Write down what YOU want in a father, try not to pick on them at all, just make it clear what it is you want and how that can be best achieved. They need to know the feelings of the person they are fighting over.

Nicnet

A couple of things bother me with this. Your stepfather should not have been able to get your last name changed without permission of your legal father. I'm wondering how your legal father got involved, did he sing your birth certificate? Was he married to your mom at the time you were born? Did he know he wasn't the bio father?

What I would suggest at this point, is getting all of you into a room with a family counselor. Let the family counselor mediate and you can explain how this fighting is making you feel.

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Originally Posted by Nicnet

YOU dont need to choose between them, if they want to be fathers then they should put their own differences asside and do what is best for your welfare, even though you may not always agree with what they say. ie, you have to go so school no matter what any of them say :p


Your stepfather seems to be the one who is looking out more for your interests and trying to shield you and your mother from the infighting between them.Nicnet

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I wish it was true:p My stepfather tries to make me a chameleon:p

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Originally Posted by Nicnet

. your problem is the fact that you have 3 people fighting with each other trying to prove they are the better father.

They need to know the feelings of the person they are fighting over.

Nicnet

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They don't try to prove who is better father.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

A couple of things bother me with this. Your stepfather should not have been able to get your last name changed without permission of your legal father. I'm wondering how your legal father got involved, did he sing your birth certificate? Was he married to your mom at the time you were born? Did he know he wasn't the bio father?

What I would suggest at this point, is getting all of you into a room with a family counselor. Let the family counselor mediate and you can explain how this fighting is making you feel.

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My stepfather is scared stiff of divorce because he thinks my mother will move 700 miles out with my two sisters.My legal father was married to my mother and his name is on my birth certificate.He had never known he wasn't my biofather for 13 years-till last year.By the way the family counceling and mediation don't work.My legal father is averse to allow regular visitation of my biofather.He thinks it is not good for me.My biofather is not willing to pay child support to my mother and he prefers to give some money to me.He wants to remove completely my legal father from my life.Rotten thing.It is unfair someone to pays for 14 years and to visit "his" boy and after that to say him that he is no one and nothing and to get away.It is unfair not to allow a man to see his bio offspring,too. I am afraid of a future court decision.This decision will be in favor of one of them and it will blow up everithing...

Adrian,
Let me say that "any man can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father".You know what I mean.Deep down inside is where you will find comfort.Best of luck to you,always!!

Hello again!
Thanks for your answers. But I asked you who you would consider as my father... and there is no such answer... :confused: :confused: :confused:

Which man has provided you with the most guidance as you have grown? They each can be a part of your life if they can get it together and you allow them to be. I agree that family counseling will help. I'm sorry your mother has made this chaos for you. You appear to be the most mature of the whole bunch.

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Originally Posted by km7165

Adrian,
Let me say that "any man can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father".You know what I mean.Deep down inside is where you will find comfort.Best of luck to you,always!!!

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Why not-any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad:)

Aww sweetie I have a friend who was in a very similar situation, except her bio father was a little less pro active. It's terrible they have put you in this situation. You should see whoever you want whenever and **** them because they are being immature. Seems like they have forgotten what is actually important - you. Don't worry about the child support/maintenance that is for your mother to worry about.

You shouldn't have to be forced into making difficult decisions because they can't organise their lives.

Anyway just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this situation and there are others like you - who made it through in one piece - mentally and emotionally. So you will too, even if it seems like a giant mess. Just look after yourself, do what makes you happy and try to ignore their bickering. Easier said than done, but you've got to try!

Can't offer much advice but wanted to offer some support :)

I think it is hard for any of us to give you an answer of who we think you should consider to be your "real" dad. The fact is your biological father is your "real" dad, the person whose DNA you are half of, genetically he is the "real" dad. But DNA alone does not make a man a dad. (Or whatever term is closest to your heart for the man in your life that you love as a parent)

The problem with this is that maybe he hasn't been the one who has acted like your dad. The majority of people I think would say that the person you feel the closest to and has acted as your father would be the one to consider "Dad". That is the person who comforted you when you fell off your bike, the one who taught you to ride that bike, the one who sat and watched TV with you, helped you with your homework, hugged you... not all dads are perfect every one of the dads who are "actively" involved with a child can act in a way a dad should, and that can vary with each person. Example: one dad can be the guy who comes home from work every day and sits in front of the TV, eats dinner, goes to bed, doesn't really do much with you... but would be the one you know you can go to in the middle of the night to chase away the monsters under your bed and maybe on the weekends you guys do something together, he lets you watch or help him while he works on the car, or you hang out with him while he works in the yard. Another dad can be the guy who comes home from work, sits down and asks you how your day was, sits at the table with you and eats dinner, and sits next to you to help you while you do your homework, plays catch with you on the weekends and goes to every game and is your biggest fan. Each different but can be considered your dad because that is who has acted as your dad. The guy who supports you, loves you, protects you, guides you, provides for you.

And you don't have to narrow it down to one person. You can view them all as dads just different kinds of dads. I assume you are wanting to know who if you were asked would you say in court that you consider to be your dad. Well, I would say the one that it would hurt your heart to be without. But the fact is if asked in court you can say why you want to have a relationship and want to have contact with each one. The courts have the ability to allow that to happen. It's up to you to say if that's what you want and why it would be so important to continue the relationship with the man you've always known to be your dad, the man who is now acting as the household parent to you, and the dad who wants to (even though late) begin to have the relationship with you he should have always had.

Don't feel like you have to "pick one" to you they can all be dad for different reasons and THAT IS OKAY. And it is also OKAY if you feel closer to one more than the others.

My son wants a dad so bad (his abandoned him before he was even born), and you are stuck between three... it hurts to see things happen this way. I wish I could just wrap you both up and fix everything for you. I wish you the best. I hope you can find something helpful in what I've said. Blessings.

Well, in my point of view you ask about the legal conditions about your situation.I have been working with situations similar to yours for many years.As Nicnet and Emland wrote you have to do what you think is good for you but you must know that the life is not a fairy tale.The man is not constatnt... we all have different thoughts,feelings and spirits every day,every hour.The court decisions and mediation are not able to look into the future thoughts and feelings by no means.I understand that these three men feel themselves as victims and this is not good... Your "legal"father feels he was dumped by your mother but he has a bond with you and he does not like this bond to be destroyed by your "biological" father's intrusion. Your "biological" father feels he was dumped by your mother because she was married to another man and she had not informed him about his paternity till last year.Your step-father feels he is dumped because he spend more time with you but he does not have any rights.This is the reason mediation and counseling not to work well.In my practice more than 90 per cent of mediations and family counselings were a completely failure up to one year.It is imaginable a situation where one of your father says" Let's go to watch a baseball/tennis/ play...",other says"Let's go to watch a football/basketball/ play..."... and your step-father comes in the room and says"Get out immediately because it is not your court ordered time and I will call the police!You disturb my private life!!!"There is no full remedy.
OK-what is the most likely to happen?
In my opinion your "legal" father will remain to be your "legal" father with all rights and duties-to pay child support, to make decisions about your life and to have parenting time with you.The court will not allow a man who has been involved for 14 years in your life simply to be "removed" and "deleted" without his consent.SO much time has passed... It is possible your "biological" father to be awarded with supervised and /or/ limited visitation.Maybe it is your opportunity to go to KFC/for example/ with both your fathers.
I wold like to say you that your "legal" and your "biological" fathers have not equal standing. The legal status does not matter. I am meaning your "legal" father has to pay to your mother child support for you and your "biological" father does not have this obligation.It is possible your "biological" father to have more money for you.Be careful ! Do not allow to be bought by your "biological" father.More money do not mean more love,more attention and more empathy.
I wish you success and good luck.
Respectfully-George

Thank you all!! I want to move out and to live with my "legal" father . That's all.Do you think the judge will be willing to hear me?

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Originally Posted by GV70

Well, in my point of view you ask about the legal conditions about your situation.I have been working with situations similar to yours for many years.As Nicnet and Emland wrote you have to do what you think is good for you but you must know that the life is not a fairy tale.The man is not constatnt ...we all have different thoughts,feelings and spirits every day,every hour.The court decisions and mediation are not able to look into the future thoughts and feelings by no means.I understand that these three men feel themselves as victims and this is not good...Your "legal"father feels he was dumped by your mother but he has a bond with you and he does not like this bond to be destroyed by your "biological" father's intrusion. Your "biological" father feels he was dumped by your mother because she was married to another man and she had not informed him about his paternity till last year.Your step-father feels he is dumped because he spend more time with you but he does not have any rights.This is the reason mediation and counseling not to work well.In my practice more than 90 per cent of mediations and family counselings were a completely failure up to one year.It is imaginable a situation where one of your father says" Let's go to watch a baseball/tennis/ play...",other says"Let's go to watch a football/basketball/ play..."...and your step-father comes in the room and says"Get out immediately because it is not your court ordered time and I will call the police!You disturb my private life!!!"There is no full remedy.
OK-what is the most likely to happen?
In my opinion your "legal" father will remain to be your "legal" father with all rights and duties-to pay child support, to make decisions about your life and to have parenting time with you.The court will not allow a man who has been involved for 14 years in your life simply to be "removed" and "deleted" without his consent.SO much time has passed...It is possible your "biological" father to be awarded with supervised and /or/ limited visitation.Maybe it is your opportunity to go to KFC/for example/ with both your fathers.
I wold like to say you that your "legal" and your "biological" fathers have not equal standing. The legal status does not matter. I am meaning your "legal" father has to pay to your mother child support for you and your "biological" father does not have this obligation.It is possible your "biological" father to have more money for you.Be careful ! Do not allow to be bought by your "biological" father.More money do not mean more love,more attention and more empathy.
I wish you success and good luck.
Respectfully-George

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Thanks! You help me a lot.:)

Your father is the one you feel closest to and love. I'm sorry the adults in your life have made such a mess of things.

I know it probably won't make you feel any better, but they all love you. They're just too dumb to know they're acting in a bad way ;)

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Why not-any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad

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Basically hun, this means ANY male (good or bad) can get someone pregnant but it takes a GOOD, DECENT man to ACT like a father to that child.

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Thanks for your answers. But I asked you who you would consider as my father... and there is no such answer...

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Your biological father is your father, technically. But if you just met him (a year ago?) he probably doesn't feel like your dad.. maybe more like a friend. Legally, he might not have any rights since he isn't on the birth certificate and just entered your life.
Legally, your "legal" father who your mother was married to probably has the most rights... but that sort of depends on where you live. Your current step-dad probably can't do much but fight on your moms side.

I hope that helps you somehow. This whole thing is pretty confusing. :(

Yes, Adrian the judge will hear you. And since you are 14 the judge will probably give your opinion a lot of weight and consideration. The judge will have to decide based on what he/she feels is in your best interest but I am sure your opinion will matter a lot.

In my opinion -yes... The judge will hear you and I hope the judge will permit you to move out... but this is my opinion only.