Hi all, I might write long to be understood well..
She was (is) my first and only love ever. I'm 26. And she is 22. And we had an LDR (long distance relationship) for over a year. We met online, and carried on for 5 months to meet on her vacation in my country. By the time, she was all into me and seeing me as her hero. Though I never had strong feelings for someone, I didn't trust this one since it was online and could be a hard LDR. But the moment we met, I fell in love, in June 2006. I had never had those strong feelings and I can say I was infatuated. The first ten days, we went along very well. After then she started to take any kind of negative talks as a fight between us, later on refusing to go out every night, then eventually breaking up with me. As I said, I was caught with very strong feelings, And for the first time in my life, I had been clingy, needy, insecure and nagging a lot to a girl to come back to me. She refused for a week, and went back to her country without a goodbye face to face. Later on, from the phone I lended her during her holiday, I found out she slept with another guy, and one another as well. I found out the second in march this year. Well, When she got home that day, she called me and we spoke online. She was crying for all the things happened, and was sorry to leave me. Later, I tried to give up everything as I decided before learning her intimacy with another, I couldn't move on, and tried to give another chance. We have tried for 2 months, but I always had the suspicion, and that was making me ask from her more like attention, interest, time.. that was annoying her somewtimes but she was never talking to me seriously about those problems. We planned a meeting in October, when we got everything ready except booking a flight, she came home to book her flight, but suddenly she said she loved me but she was not in love. She had bad feelings about this meeting. Then she just left. And put me in a big shock. A few days later we contacted and she said she was missing me, so we gave another try. But it went on with arguments and fights, and I have found out some of her lies. At the end she said she didn't want me some days before the date we were going to meet. Then I left everything but later on, after a week, she texted me and saying she wanted me back. I forgave her as usual. We went on good for a while but by that time she lied about reasons to coem to see me during her holiday in October again. In December she startyed to behave cold and in January we fough a lot. Later on she broke up again. 2 weeks later, on valentines day, we both sent emails to each other.I was in love, I forgave her again. I tried my best to bury all hurts and cheats, my pride, just to win her back. That is tat strong feelings.

Well, By those times, we started to argue about her summer holiday which was 3 weeks. And during our break up she booked another place in my country with her best friend.she said she was not going to cancel it and we had no other chance to meet till winter.because I couldn't go to her country due to visa and money problems.I would overcome those visa problems, but I really needed to trust in her love. Time after time, she again behaved cold showing no emotions, and there I decided to find out what she has been all about.I wouldn't do that but things she did since last year hurt me a lot, and yet I couldn't move on. Every time I forgave her but I was getting more hurts. I sneaked into her emails, and seen her contacts with her ex and another guy from past holiday. She had slept with her ex during our argument times in October, and was contacting the other guy and asking him if he liked her! And shse was refused the day she contacted me. I sent her a long email saying I was loving her but what a she was just using me on her lonely times, keeping coming back to me. We have finsihed all, she sweared, and I didn't feel bad on that loss and stuff hurting. I tried to say sorry for sneaking into her emails, but she kept on swearing me those times. Not long, after a week, she kept calling me with hidden numbers, then talking, and emailing me. Finally her friends talked to me and made me back to relationship. And yes I was in love and blind to ignore anything negative. She knew I could only forgive her if she met me. Then she hardly got some off days from her work, bought flight tickets, and came to see me for one week to explain everything and say sorry in April. I was determined to ask nothing. Just showing her how much I could give her, how much I loved her. And that I did. But she made no explanations, went on like we were fine before. That gave me a lot hopes and dreams again, made me stick to her more. But by the time I was thinking if I did right by accepting someone like her cheating and playing with me. She went home, she changed a lot. Calling me not thinking what it would cost her. I did same. She was crying everyday because we were apart. Then subject turned into her summer holiday. At first times she was very sorr and regretful not coming in last October. And she said she was going to cancel summer holiday and come to where I am. But a week later, she said she couldn't cancel it as she didn't want to upset her friend. I have been fair and said spend half with her and half with me. Though we discussed and decided about it after 3 nights of discussion, she came back to me saying her friend didn't accept it and she was going to be with me one week and two weeks with her. I resented and she finally made it half with me. But day after days, she got cold to me, not that intimate online anymore.And this kind of things made us fight sometimes. And later she confessed she was losing her feelings for me. And then I saw she was only excited about the holiday with her friend, and making activity plans with her, but never talking about our holiday. And those things made me fight with her with questioning her love and interest. But we were also doing well on the other side. These arguments went on for 3 or 4 weeks and time came and she went to holiday with her friend. Just 10 days were left to meet. Before that we were calling everyday 2 times usually and it was always me who was talking passionate and telling many stories. And I knew she was calling just to satisfy me with her interest with that calls.
Well,there on holiday she never wanted to speak to me long on the phone, always trying to hang up. These kind of things made me suspect and put me out of control as I thought what happened last year. A cheat was possible. I couldn't get rid of those thoughts, but I didn't mention it ever. But every time I called hr she was thinking I was calling to check her. Just before 4 days to meet, we had an argument about something I suspected that she was going to date someone. And she hung up the phone to my face and turned it off. Later in the evening she called to say sorry and we arranged a meeting online that night, but she didn't come online texting me saying she was ordering another drink after an hour the time we planned. That pissed me off and thought she dated that possible guy and that's why she didn't come. Then after many texts we started to talk on the phone, then arguing and she turned the phone off again. After an half an hour she called back we talked long and told her not to do like these and we should have talked about problmes.. bla bla then she started to cry and said its over. And she didn't talk on the pohone, but her friend always answering and cursing at me! Next day I sent flowers to her, saying sorry and asking her to forgive me. She didn't and next day I prepared to wuit job and go to see her. Before going, I called her, and she and her friend made fun out of me and humiliated me. I was so down because everything happned was my fault. I should have left her long ago. But I accepted all and put my pride away, everything away on the way for her love. And every time I received more hurts. This time it was more shcoking because she left me for definite. I called nagged did lots of things but none worked. Later on I learnt she made her holiday longer and stayed there with her friend who was a slapper and hating me for no reason I knew. I didn't contact her after then for two weeks. After her holiday, I looked at her online profile, and I saw her with a guy. Photos taken with him right one day after she said its over. Now its been over a month. And first weeks, I was a bit OK but nowadays, I can't stop thinking of her. I don't think of getting her back as I know its impossible. But its hurting me more and more how she left me. I really feel very down. I have a wounded pride.. I just can't stand on seeing how cruel she could be with disappointing me and being with another guy and leaving me after a meeting she begged me just some weeks ago. I'm ed. I know I am a loser and insecure and needy. But I left everything in my life and devoted all myself to her for longer than a year. And all I got is this sh*t.

In brief, she was sweet and was really melting my heart. I wanted to marry her and hoping she was going to be a loyal lover. Starting my life over with her. Here I am not happy with my country and people, I like her country and culture. That was another reason to tie myself down to her. But I had other girls too and I didn't give a chance to them. Because I was in love with this girl and I accepted many things she did.
She there is happy with that new guy and having no remorse or showing me no explanation or sorry about what really happened. A human can't be that heartless to someone.
My friends got fed up with me. But I need to unburden my heart. I hardly stop myself to contact her.so,I decided to write here.I hope you don't mind and give me some consolations as I really need that I can't find around. Talk about her please, that makes me feel better. That's the only thing that helps me move on.
& I hope you see what love and desperation can make a person like this.I am waiting for your comments.

The game has changed and you must accept what is reality and be glad your not with her anymore. There is a big world out there.

Sorry to be blunt..
You need to think clearly, you may have loved her but obviously she didn't feel for you at the same level.
If she has moved on without a thought don't waste time waiting for her, its not worth wasting your life for any human being who does not value your worth.

Be good to yourself and move on...

There maybe something better for your future:) :) :) :)... think positive,be positive, live positive!!

... I know how this type of thing feels like, trust me I really do. You should try to forget her, it's probably the best. It seems to me that she only used u. There are plenty of girls out there.. try to talk to them, make new friends, you will see.. u'll find someone who will love you the same way you loved her. Talaniman is right, be glad your not with her anymore.. she hurt you badly and doesen't desreve you or your love... (I wish you all the best ;) )

She was never into you, as much as you were into her. You were always a back up or somebody she could fall back on. Never the main person of interest.

It's not the end of the world and I think your making this harder on yourself then you need to. Start focusing on some other things and set some small goals for yourself to accomplish. You have to start taking active steps for yourself to start moving forward because your stuck in neutral at this time.

I know I have to move on, she is and has been no good for me till now except giving me sweet hopes with her and about future. But the problem is that I have a grip on them and can't let them go though I hate her for what she has done to me and can't think I will be having same feelings or trust for her..

BUT, she contacted me last night. She called with a hidden number and listened to me for 13 secs. I know %100 that it was her. And that's the trick she played to get me back in March when I broke up with her over finding out her cheats in her emails.

But that call suddenly put me in dreams about how I can forgive her.. Damn! I still think If she wants me back, I can forgive her by some ways!! BUt that's not right because I know she will go on the same patterns and give me hurts again soon in future if she is intending to get me back.. So mates, what should I do If she goes on calling me that way, because eventually she will talk and force me to answer her! If I knew she would change and things won't be same, I would try, but not even long enough time passed for her to clear her messed mind! Probably she is not happy with the new guy and wants to turn back after a month.. But I shouldn't let her use me as a backup again.. what should I do in this situation?

Ach, reading all these stories... my girlfriend has not cheated on me or anything or moved to another guy... yet. But like many people here I feel so relieved and happy that there are people out there with similar stories to tell. I would like to share mine but I have just become so fedup of talking about it, I have already learned a lot from reading through posts here and it has helped me so much. I don't know what to say to the people on here who all have similar problems, I guess simply put this is life , there is love, there is death, there is growth there is pain etc. etc. just life. And harships only make us stronger and we have to acknowledge they exist. Of course, many of the people here are young so just stay positive because you and even I have a lot to look forward to in the future and I know one day we will look back and just say to ourselves "what was that all about?". Coming from me who is a very emotional and was very attached person who would do anything for his lover just proves that it is possible to overcome these difficult stages and you have to realize that it will be overcome and happiness will be felt again. It is hard to accept that now but you just have to think that way so you can keep on functioning till you are over this stage. Talking is good, reading through these forums and discussing does help a lot but to be honest with you, time will only cause you to fully heal and nobody other than to let yourself let time pass can do anything about this.

Dude.. that's how girls play. She knows that your drooling all over her and thet 1 call will make you forgive anything.. she's playing you for a fool and using u! Get a grip! My best friend with whom I fell in love with did the same ting. She knew that I was very much in love with her because I gave her everything she wanted, but she had a boy friend.. they kissed in front of me not caring how I felt and then she smiled saying that I should get a girlfriend but still stay with her and be her "entertainment". I SAY THAT! Don't pick upp stop thinking about her, she's manipulating u, playing with her mind. And why you ask?. it's just because she can. You gave her too much.. and now she will take every last bit of your sanaty if you don't cut contact wit her... PERMANENTLY!. it's the only good advice I can give u. Don't be a whus. You deserve better than her.

I definitely DELETED HER... and I don't need her to be happy. U'll find that it's the same for u. If u need help or advice on how to stay focused and get over her ask me.

Its weird. I mean she did not move onto another guy yet. At first she said she needed time, then she decided she wanted no more. When I tried talking to her she said don't call me and she was always very annoyed. So weird, how people change like that sometimes. One week they adore and love you the other something goes through their mind and they went over. My girlfriend is 19 now I met her when she was 16. For the last two years we had the odd fight here and there but it never got to the point she didn't want me anymore. Actually our last big fight I said I wanted to leave her. She always showed me lots of love and care. Her excuse was though that she learned to love me and it was not natural. I personally see nothing wrong with that. She basically wants to feel exciting love from the beginning rather than developing it over time by knowing the person better. Its so horrible though I still have hopes she calls me back and says she wants to try again. Then again I think she will never do it because of her stubborn personality and the fact she wants to keep her dignity. I cared for her like a child and I guess that backfired on me and pushed her away from me. Hopefully, she learns that I was not that bad after all and having a guy who does not care and does the minimum is not true love in relationship.