Ask Me Help Desk - How do I get over him?

How do I get over him?

Hello . (edited)

I'm 13 years old and turning 14 in September. I met this guy who is 17 years old, but the thing is, We've ever only talked over MSN and once over the phone. He USE to like me a lot and wanted to go out with me. I know he's not a silly person, he wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt or stalk me or whatever because my best friend is good friends with him. So he liked me, but I never liked him I just thought it was a little creepy and I thought he was a pedophile. So later on, his feelings changed for me and he didn't like me anymore, he just wanted to be friends. But he sucked me in to liking him, and now I like him so much but he doesn't. He now has a girlfriend who is 16 turning 17 years old. But he's the nicest and caring guy I have ever met. (he is not the stereotypical guy who goes for girl's looks).

It feels as though I can't just get over him and be friends because we always argue now and I can't live knowing he is happier with another girl and that they would probably have sex and I'm extremely jealous. (Not that I would have sex with him but I would if we were older.)

I know I should get over him but I've never met a guy like him, I love him so much. I didn't realise it before because now I know I can't have him. His girlfriend is living on the other side of the country atm though, but in a few days she will be coming to visit him. And I know when she does, I'm going to be so depressed to even think about what they are doing together. I'm so jealous, I want to be with him. It pisses me off to know he could care for someone more than me when we have been really good friends for one whole year.

He has gone out with this girl twice now, the first time I liked him and he went out with her and I told him that I was upset because of it so he dumped her. A few weeks later he asked her out again because he really liked her. He didn't tell me but I found out, Now I'm upset all over again. I don't think he cares about me or what I have to say, but he insists that he does. But if he cared so much about me why would he ask her out again when I told him I got really upset? I'm really confused and half depressed.

I feel ashamed about this, and I thought I would never like a older guy in my whole life before I did. I get upset by him easily and I just can't get over him. My brain tells me to get over him and stop being stupid, but my heart says the opposite and it's killing me inside.

We've known each other for about 1 year now, so my questions are:
1. How do I get over him?
2. Should I call him again and sort this out with him?
3. Should I conitinue to talk to him? Or just go my own way altogether?

Please give me new answers because I edited it a bit to make this longer.
Thanks :)

I have a few years on you (I'm 28) and I'll tell you its always hard to get over someone. The easiest thing is to simply try to stop focusing on it, which I know is hard because for some reason you always want to talk about him, right?

Also, you said "he sucked you into liking him" - which kind of also means that you sort of talked yourself into liking him, so talk yourself out it - which sounds silly but believe me I've been in the same situation and was able to say to myself "you don't like him, you like the idea of him and the idea of having the boyfriend"

The other thing to remember (this always helps - trust me) is that you are awesome and how sad for him that he doesn't get to see that and be with you.

Good luck, I hope I helped.

Well first of all, I think you only like him now because you know now that you can't have him. Most people do this. Once someone doesn't want them they seem to be more attracted to them. So lets just put it this way, he already has a girlfriend, which means he does not really care what you think. Otherwise hed still be talking to you, so yeah. Why stress over someone who doesn't want you? By you stressing your only waisting your time on finding someone else and giving some other lucky guy a chance. He's moved on so you can. Get over him by destracting yourself, do things you like to do. Wait for another guy to walkinto your life. Just try to stop worrying about him.I know its hard trust me. I've been in somewhat the same situaton before. But yeah. Do things you like and eventually you'll get over him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by yoitzlisa

I'm 13 years old... I thought I would never like a older guy in my whole life before I did.

Hahaha... I love it when such young people say "their whole life" when they haven't even gotten through a quarter of their life...

Anyway, these things do pass and so you should know that you will eventually get over it. It takes a while, it isn't easy, and at times you'll think you're not making any progress at all, but it does happen. Just keep yourself busy with other things (school, being with friends, doing chores--you are doing your chores, aren't you? :D) and as time goes by you'll get over him.

You said it yourself, if he really cared about you he would be with you. This is a good lesson to learn now at your age, it's the actions that show how someone feels not what they say. He could say he cares about you but by dating another girl he is saying "hey I don't really care about you, but if this thing with her doesn't work out maybe I'll keep you on the back burner"

The best thing to do is to not talk to him, DO NOT call him. Let him go. You know that old saying "if you love something set it free, if it comes back then its yours if not then it was never yours to begin with"

Remember, you can't talk someone into being with you and it won't be worth it anyway. Try hard to not think about him. Spend time with girlfriends, every time you feel like calling him or emailing him call or email a girlfriend instead. It will get better, I promise. It takes time. A broken heart is a very sad thing.

I agree with the others above. He's too old for you as it is. I believe you're attracted to him simply because he's no longer available. Recall that initially you weren't that interested and even feared that he may be a pedophile. There's a psychology at work here. Best to put him out of your mind and concentrate on other things.

Quote:

or just go my own way altogether?

This is you best course of action.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

He could say he cares about you but by dating another girl he is saying "hey I don't really care about you, but if this thing with her doesn't work out maybe I'll keep you on the back burner"

Yeah, I thought that too. I even asked him millions of times if he really did care about me, and he said something like "yes, i do care about you... but only as friends" but I'm having doubts that he even cares about me as a friend if he done that to me. I asked him why he asked her out again after I got upset and this was his answer "I don't know...."

I guess I do have to get over him, I'm trying. I haven't talked to him for a whole day and a half now. I'm feeling a lot better already by not talking to him though, thanks for the help guys. I'm glad someone else understands how I feel.

One question, Do you really think we couldn't stay as friends? :(

Don't think too much, let things happen on their way.
Def. don't be enermy with him, it's a learning experience, just let it go. If he wants to be friends, then be his friend.
Don't over think it now, u have more important tasks to perform at this point of life.

This is all online? Have you actually met him in real life? If this is strictly online, then you have a solution that is relatively easy - get out of the cyber world and start getting involved in the other world around you. Go out and meet people your age, find activities that you would like to do, volunteer, try and get a part time job, anything that involves not sitting on MSN waiting around for this guy.

He is 17 and you are still 13. At that age, that is a big difference. If you were 22 and he was 26, that would not be one of the issues. I would doubt your parents would allow you to date a 17 yr old boy. You have time to grow up and you should be enjoying life now. When you are 17 you can look back and say to yourself, "why did I think this guy was the greatest?"

Take care of yourself. Find your own niche with what and who is around you. Good luck.

Move on life is short

Well I have met him once or twice in real life, my best friend introduced me to him. Okay, well I'm slowly getting over him, I know that's the best thing to do for me :).

And yeah, he does want to be my friend. But the thing is, if I talk to him I'm probably going to get more upset because he doesn't care for me. It feels as though he only talks to me because he doesn't want me to be upset or angry, So I'm not sure. But I really would miss the good times I've had with him. :(

Just move on and allow him to be part of the past. You have a lot more ahead of you and a lot more to yourself than you give yourself credit for. You don't need to be tied down to this guy's memory.

Quote:

Originally Posted by yoitzlisa

One question, Do you really think we couldn't stay as friends? :(

It depends. You have to do whatever is going to make YOU feel good. If you do not think you can handle being friends then don't stay friends. Please remember that your happiness is so much more important then some guys.

To give you an example from my life, when my boyfriend broke up with me he wanted us to stay friends. I tried and it was just too hard for me, I saw that I wasn't getting over him. So I told him I could not stay in his life until I was over him. I cut him out of my life for about 2 months and I got over him and we were able to be real friends without me hoping that maybe we were staying friends to rebuild our relationship.

Good luck, keep your head kid it will get better.

Focus on school, your interests (not including him) and what's really important. As of now, he may seem so great, but that's probably because you haven't really seen what's out there. There's a lot waiting for you, and you're missing out on it because you're blinded by this guy. Trust me, you'll be fine. You may not feel fine now, tomorrow, or next week, but one day you'll look back and question yourself. Good luck!

#1-Find someone new (closer to your age)
#2-Leave it at jsut friends and don't try to make a relationship happen.
#3-You can continue talking to him but as a friend.
There:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by yoitzlisa

I asked him why he asked her out again after I got upset and this was his answer "I don't know...."

He doesn't want to tell you the truth (that he's attracted to her or likes her more than you) because he either doesn't want to hurt your feelings or because he wants to avoid a scene.

Haha, all this advice people have given me actually worked. :D, I'm over him completely now, I hardly think about him anymore, and I don't care that much when I don't get to talk to him, He's in the past now and I don't really care what he does with his girlfriend or his life. I'm so happy, and yes we are still friends.

Yeah, I know he's attracted to her more than me. But I don't care, cause how can he ask someone out when he HASN'T EVEN MET HER IN REAL LIFE, he's only talked to her on the phone like 3 times and talked to her on msn.

Run YoitzLisa. Run.

You are WAY too young for this... sometimes the internet is just a good place to check the weather. Get out and enjoy your friends. PLEASE...