Ask Me Help Desk - I love him, he doesn't.

I love him, he doesn't.

At the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend it was almost as though my boyfriend and I were perfect for each other. :) We had so many things in common that it was unreal. After about a month and a half to two months I realized that I love him. We began saying 'I love you' to one another. About a month and a half ago I noticed that he began acting differently. He wouldn't kiss me, hug me, and he totally changed. I talked to him last night and he said that he doesn't love me but he still wants to be together. I am moving in about a month and he told me that he wants his 'freedom' then. He wants to be able to go to dinner and a movie with other girls. I know that I will want to do the same as friends with guys. He states that his love for me was actually lust. So I guess my questions are:
1. How do I make him love me?
2. Since he doesn't now, will he?
3. If he were to go to dinner and a movie or get to know other girls would this be
viewed as cheating?
4. Isn't lust the first step to love?
5. If he can 'lust' me why can't he 'love' me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

1. How do I make him love me?
2. Since he doesn't now, will he?
3. If he were to go to dinner and a movie or get to know other girls would this be
viewed as cheating?
4. Isn't lust the first step to love?
5. If he can 'lust' me why can't he 'love' me?

1. You can't MAKE anyone love you.
2. No one knows the answer to this question but him
3. Only if you two have not broken up
4. No. Lust is not in any way shape or form the first step to love
5. That is a question only he can answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

1. You can't MAKE anyone love you.
2. No one knows the answer to this question but him
3. Only if you two have not broken up
4. No. Lust is not in any way shape or form the first step to love
5. That is a question only he can answer.

I agree 100%..

He says he has lust for you when you have love for him... hmm

From what I can deduct, he is keeping you on a string and letting you know openly by telling you he wants "freedom." He may be doing this so it would make him either feel less guilty, or for you to keep faith in him. This is happening whether he wants it to or not.
So my answers are;

5) Lust is a human's attraction to visuals and sexuality.
4) My answer to 5), renders question 4 impossible because the vision of love is beyond the eye.
3) Using my deduction, if you two are still in a relationship than yes it is cheating, and if it is happening than my deduction is correct. As you said yourself he still wants to be with you.
2) So, if he loves you later and not now, that means he's had his share of other women huh. Or he could go for the, "I was confused excuse," either way whether he meant to or not, what's done is done and there's no going back. Forgive and forget for cheating doesn't exist without hiding sorrow.
1) You cannot make someone love you as J_9 says. It is immoral and impossible. You can do what you want. Live with the faith that he will some day truly love you or fight that sorrow in your heart to find what is good for you. Even if he did make a mistake, he couldn't recognize the difference between love and lust...

Most of my deductions come from the important fact that he doesn't love you but has lust for you. And he wants to still be in a relationship with you, but having multiple relationships with other women as well.

Keep in mind if he wants to be friends, than it will be hard to move on because your heart will feel as if he betrayed you since you love him. Especially since he's going to be dating other women and gets serious with them. I'm not saying you are not allowed to see other guys and other girls, but considering the circumstances and situations, it is my guess that is how you may feel.

This is how I think.

1. You don't and can't make him or anyone else love you.
2. Probably not. He's made it pretty clear that he's really not interested in any kind of committed relationship right now. It's nothing to take personally but his goals aren't the same as yours. Hence, the two of you are not compatible.
3. No. Like I said, he's been honest and upfront with you about wanting his freedom. You can't deprive him of that nor do you have the right to.
4. Not necessarily. The two are really not connected, at least not from a man's point of view.
5. As I said above, lust and love are two different things. Generally a woman is more likely than a man to confuse the two. This man of yours certainly didn't and he even came right out and admitted it. There are exceptions of course but that's a general pattern.

Give him his freedom, that's what he wants. You will also be free to pursue a healthy relationship with a healthy person. He has been pushing you away for a while.

Never speak to him AGAIN!! He has toldyou I want to have sex and use you that is all I want THIS IS SIMPLE> He wants to pound you and you know what when he finds a girl he really wants youreOUT and will be totally heart broken.. . Some advice you must take is whatever you do don't believe if you sleep with him he will fall in love with you... Your best chance of hi fallinfin lovewith you is to totallyget rid ofhim and let him realise some other guy isgoing to havea great life with you..

There is nothing better to win someone s love han to make them miss you. When they miss you and see some other guyhaving the time of his life they want to be in that psition. ITSYOUR ONLY HOPE. TOTALLY LEAVE HIM. If he thinksyou are still goingout. This is what I would do.

Go and tell him you guys need to talk and tell him your dumping him. I know thisis hard but he will adventually do ot to you. If you do it to himthen he may change and beg you back. Tell him you guys need a break you don't lie his aTTITUDE AND ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DATE OTHER GIRLS come on get serious your not in the real world!! 1

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Give him his freedom, thats what he wants. You will also be free to pursue a healthy relationship with a healthy person. He has been pushing you away for a while.

Then why say that he wants to be together? I am so confused because it seems like he loves and wants me according to his schedule.

Quote:

Then why say that he wants to be together? I am so confused because it seems like he loves and wants me according to his schedule.

Is that love or manipulation??

Quote:

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DATE OTHER GIRLS come on get serious your not in the real world!!!

Well, when I move we will sure be apart. Hopefully it will cause him to miss me and realize what I mean to him. As far as the other girls go... he wants to be able to be young and I know that if we are together that he will not cheat (he has made that clear). Even if/when we do break up he still wants to be 'friends.' How can you be friends with someone that you once loved, I mean it would kill me to see him with someone else... does that make sense?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

1. How do I make him love me?

You can't, he never loved you especially after 2 months of dating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

2. Since he doesn't now, will he?

He will never love you. I believe he's using you for sex..

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

3. If he were to go to dinner and a movie or get to know other girls would this be
viewed as cheating?

No, In his eyes you guys are not together , in fact I believe he was to never together with you to begin with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

4. Isn't lust the first step to love?

I don't believe so, I think getting to know the person is the first step to love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

5. If he can 'lust' me why can't he 'love' me?

That's just it he wanted sex(Lust) you probably scared him off when you told him you loved him. He is in it for the good time.

Get rid of this clown. Find someone who can love you back!

Quote:

Originally Posted by nthomas07

Then why say that he wants to be together? I am so confused because it seems like he loves and wants me according to his schedule.

In response to this... a lot of times people want to see if the grass is greener on the other side. In case it isn't, they want to make sure that they'll be able to come back. By him saying this, and still wanting to take other girls out is exactly what I'm getting out of this. That way if it fails with him and another girl, he'll be able to still be in a "relationship" with you. It sounds to me like he's using you as a safety net... either that or he's trying to let you down easily and wanting you to let go. Good luck.