Well here we go again. Sitting at work today, I was going through my cell phone and just when I think I'm completely moved on boom incoming call from the ex. She probably hasn't called me in a month. Well I was typing a text to someone else so it immediately answered for me and I was stuck on the phone with her. Told her I was at work and that I'd call her when I got off. Now I'm dating a good woman who makes me feel great but I can't understand why when she calls I get completely nervous and my personality goes completely out the window. Within five minutes I had clocked out, drove two minutes to the local bar, pounded a couple of beers and called her back. She said she was just calling to tell me she finally had her 7 month check up and the doctors finally gave her a clean bill of health, no more medicine, blood thinners, etc etc, told her I was glad for her and made small talk for a minute then I claimed I was walking in wal mart and told her to have a nice weekend, even though that was a lie, just so I could get off the phone. Now my big concern is why do I get so dang nervous. I'm now that back at work, after taking a beer break. Three months ago, I would have been drinking the whole night because of that, but now I'm making smarter decisions. When she is out of my life I'm completely fine but when she comes in through phone or in person I just completely lose it. If it's a text or an email, I can respond cooly because we all know that's pretty easy. I want to focus on building a life with this new woman but I hate how I can't even be myself around the ex. Like she has some kind of control over me. The sad thing is that she is attracted to being blown off and I'm worried now that she sees I'm making an effort to get past her she might muddy my life up some more. She was lucky that she ever dated me to begin with and if I didn't have her on such a high pedestool I would be out of her leauge. Fortunately, I don't want a girl that I put on a pedestool and think is perfect and would rather be with a woman that treats me great. Like the new one. But still slightly confused why I get so worked up and nervous when she calls. Man

Stop taking her calls and when you see her be brief and busy.

Well, there are definitely a lot of girls who are attracted to guys who are hard to get, and she sees that you're moving on, having a life of your own and dating again, so of course she is going to keep calling you, checking up on you and letting you know she exists (though calling to tell you about how she's healthy seems pretty like a pretty pathetic excuse to call).

So why do you get nervous? You were probably very attracted to her (which automatically puts you in her league, BTW). There's something(s) about her you really liked and when she calls you are recalling them subconsciously. This will probably get better with time, but just know that you'll probably be dealing with this for a while. It'll pass.

How long have you been broken up? Does she know you are dating someone else now? Is she still single?

We broke up at the first of December, as far as I know she is still single and she just found out I was dating someone a few weeks ago. She lives like an hour and a half from me so I don't have to worry about seeing her which is a great thing. Lol

Yeah, you're lucky with the distance. Maybe tell her that you've moved on and that you can't be friends with her... that it's healthier for both of you to cut contact.

You're still attached to her in one way or another. She has an effect on you, and that probably won't change for a while. If you're 100% sure that you guys will not work, than you need to stay away from her for now until you are stronger and completely over her.

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

she just found out i was dating someone a few weeks ago.

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Sounds like she's jealous. From what I heard girls want what they can't have.
I would tell your ex you have moved on and gor her to leave you alone. Plus not fairto your new girlfriend.

Yea true true, she was the one that decided there was no way it would work. I just got to ween myself from any contact whatsoever. I'll always love her but I have to live my life and get over her so I can be happy for myself. It's a shame it didn't work out but I did all I could do. So no regrets here.

Get rid of the contact and you remove some of the confusion and pain. + U get better more quick!

Its OK. Your meant to get a little nervous when you see or hear from an ex. Normal feelings. Just avoid seeing and hearing from them.

Steered clear of the relationship boards for a while but back now to try and help.

Hope all is good with you Copper.

Sounds to me like she likes having control over you. She knows that you get nervous, and now she's found out that you're seeing someone and makes an excuse to call you. How pathetic on her part. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you probably treated her like gold, and now she knows you're with someone else, her chances are next to nil of getting any more of that attention from you and she's feeling slighted. She's the kind of person that likes keeping everyone on the back burner just in case she needs a boost to her ego. Block her number and move on.

Next time answer then just hang up. What do you care show her you don't! Sounds like your still confused and this won't change till you take a grasp of the situation and don't answer... If you have a new girl definitely don't answer! 1 I think you still want the ex back or you just wouldn't answer,. SIMPLE

I wouldn't answer either. You have a new girl in your life, don't dwell on someone who is playing head games with you.

Yea she sent me a text this morning saying hello. She's shut me down so many times and told me so many times she didn't want me back its funny that being friends with me is so important to her lol I'm not going to write back on this one just going to roll with it. I hate it though because she always seems to end every text session in the form of a question so she will always be the one who gets to leave me hanging without writing back. I'm not writing at all.

Good idea, leave her alone.

Okay I read everyone telling you to avoid her and to ignore the feelings and I have to disagree... The only reason is because if you avoid her and the feelings at one point you WILL come in contact with her, she may call or whatever, do you really want to wonder about these feelings every time you run into her or you see her? If you are happy with the woman that you are with now, firstly concentrate on that, then next time your ex calls, be thinking of your girlfriend, the woman you say you want to build a life with, instead of making excuses to get off the phone, going to a bar and drinking, then calling her back, be confrontational, (not in a hostile way though) Just LET HER KNOW HONESTLY that you are happy and you don't appreciate her calling the way she is. Let her know you are happy everything is going good with her and then even mention how happy you are and how happy you are with your new relationship. Not in a spiteful way. You don't want to start an argument you just want to draw a line and let her know she is not on the otherside of it with you anymore. I know that sounds mean but as a girl who has done it before, that's exactly what it took for me to understand. One of my ex boyfriends and I broke up (I pulled the whole I want space crap) then the second he tried to date someone else I started calling again. Wrong I know, but he finally set me straight and that's what it takes sometimes, you can't just ignore it, or that little nervous feeling will never go away. Its just habit to get nervous when it comes to an ex, but if you let it keep playing with you it will only get worse. That's why I don't think you should avoid it. =)