Ask Me Help Desk - Learning to live 'MY' life.

I have recently initiated a divorce from my husband and I am trying to learn to live life by myself. I am starting over. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I am living in my parent’s basement and I wake up everyday and remember why I am there. I know that one day I will be able to see this as a good decision, but right now it’s hard to see that far ahead with all the clouds. I am in therapy 2 days a week to work through some stuff. The old me would slander my ex’s name to no end right about now to try to make others understand. But I have grown some and I don’t feel the need to justify myself anymore. I am content with simply explaining it this way; I had to make the break to go in a direction that would result in my happiness and well being. So that being said I need some advice on activities to do to keep me busy and to make it easy for me to realize I can have fun 'just me'. I have made the determination that alcohol just makes me miss him more and nothing good comes out of the bar tabs and hangovers. So I need advice and ideas on good healthy ways to have fun and keep me from thinking about him. I can only cry so many tears.

Go back to when you were young, what did you dream of doing? Make a list of things you would like to try. It sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction. You should be proud of yourself. You are so right about the bars! It is good to realize that you do not need peoples approval of your decisions in your life, that you do what is right for you and that is what matters. Make a journal and write your hopes, fears and successes in it. I think you will be just fine. Get plenty of sleep, and eat the right foods, drink plenty of water and exercise. The counseling is also great for understanding who you are and becoming who you want to be. Good Luck

Hello!

It sounds like we are in the same boat. I filed for divorce back in March of this year from my controlling husband. I have since moved 4 times, lost my car because I couldn't afford payments, maxed out my credit cards in cash advances to pay bills, and went down to eating once a day off the dollar menu at McDonalds. I came to this website for help after my divorce and the people here have helped me a lot. I would go home and site alone and cry because I had no friends, no money and no life.

Since my little mental break down after my divorce, I have gotten a second job working part-time at Wal-mart to help with bills, gotten an apartment, broke down and asked my dad to help me co-sign on a scooter that gets 80 miles to the gallon, and I cut up all those damn credit cards. The only advice I have for you is give it time and try not to rush everything. As far as things to do, buy a puzzle, surf the net, get a second job, volunteer somewhere, or exercise. I tried keeping a journal after my divorce and that turned out to be a horrible idea. When I would go back and read what I had wrote at the end of the week, I would get even more depressed because it felt like my life was going no where and I just wanted to die and get it over with. Just look to the future and start making small goals for yourself. I can't believe what a turn around my life has made in the past few months and I know you can do the same. Good luck sweetie!

I have just divorced my husband. We were separated for 1 1/2 years, and the things I went through were unbelievable, I felt that I was an "ordinary" person thrown into an episode of Jerry Springer! Any way, the divorce was final this month. I was on the vacation the week after the divorce, and I laid in bed and cried all day. I had no desire to do anything, but I have children and I realized they needed me-so I got moving. Even if you don't feel like-keep moving. I write in a grattitude journal-5 things every day that I am grateful for. Sometimes they are little things, like there were no bills in the mailbox that day! My faith has sustained me. Think of the things that interest you, and see if you can find a group, or a class that you could join. Divorce support groups are great, I have attended a few. You will make it! Now you have the chance to be you, and do what you want. It might take a while, but take little steps at a time, and you will reach your goals. God bless!

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Originally Posted by i12bmenhappy

I have recently initiated a divorce from my husband and I am trying to learn to live life by myself. I am starting over. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I am living in my parent’s basement and I wake up everyday and remember why I am there. I know that one day I will be able to see this as a good decision, but right now it’s hard to see that far ahead with all the clouds. I am in therapy 2 days a week to work through some stuff. The old me would slander my ex’s name to no end right about now to try to make others understand. But I have grown some and I don’t feel the need to justify myself anymore. I am content with simply explaining it this way; I had to make the break to go in a direction that would result in my happiness and well being. So that being said I need some advice on activities to do to keep me busy and to make it easy for me to realize I can have fun 'just me'. I have made the determination that alcohol just makes me miss him more and nothing good comes out of the bar tabs and hangovers. So I need advice and ideas on good healthy ways to have fun and keep me from thinking about him. I can only cry so many tears.

I don't know your religious background but there are lots of singles groups that meet and do fun things together in a Christian atmosphere. Join your local YMCA- they always have neat things happening and lots of classes to get you to meet new people. Enroll in a cake decorating class or dance class and take a friend with you. I always wanted to learn to Belly Dance and I bought a beginners CD at a yard sale.. lolol. Learn to be young and girlie! Treat yourself to a spa treatment- if you cant' afford it- let your neices and nephews give you a facial, make-up and hair.. they will love it! Invite people you havent' seen for a while over for pizza and popcorn and have an ice cream party... occupy your mind!! Stop obsessing about your problems and start finding FUN solutions! God Bless You!!