Am I going crazy? Or am I just plain depressed? Why don't I feel happy?
Why am I yelling and hurting my boyfriend who is so loving at me?
Why can't I control my tears?
I'm desperate for a break through. I feel helpless towards my condition.
Why am I turning down so many good job offers?
I feel sad all the time looking at ppl's family
Why do I always beat up people I love and yet they compromise?
I want to change for the better but I couldn't control my anger?
I cut myself , got stiches and cut myself again.
I'd flipped the table, break the wood and even hurt myself by banging the car...
I do not have time to go out and seek happiness. I'm always tied up with burdens, commitments and job!Job Job Job... limited time
I'm so sick of what I've gone through and I'm so sick & sad of looking at happy people. I don't back stab with jealousy, but I'll moan in sadness.
... My mom says I'm mental and I have no time to seek emotional advice... help me,
I'll beat myself again if this persist... I don't feel physical pain anymore
I even beg my boss to terminate me..

You NEED to see a professional! Please!

The symptoms you describe could easily be depression, which is treatable with counseling and medication!

Please... I know you feel hopeless now, but go talk to your doctor. S/he will be able to help you start feeling better.

Well, you would probably benefit from some medication. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication, millions of people from all walks of life take them. The only thing wrong is wasting your life being miserable, when one little pill a day can provide allot of relief (trust me.)
Look at these sights they sometimes give me some wisdom

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10 virtually instant ways to improve your life - lifehack.org

I agree with all of these answers. I also suggest that if you believe in God, then you should turn to Him. He loves you very much and wants you to be happy. He can make you that way too. I'll pray for you. Please don't give up hope!

I agree that God is the best answer... but you could definitely try a therapist, pills are not at all the only thing that can help you. I suggest you try to talk to someone involved with church such as a priest they can provide you with lots of time to listen to what you have to say. They can offer you an objective and opinion and advice whether or not you're religious. Also they could give you references to places and/or other proffesionals to whom you can get help from. Plus just speaking with them is free, and they could help you with emotional healing.
What I would do also is tell my boss that I really need some time off(a day or two or perhaps more) just for myself. A whole day with yourself and only yourself can be a good help. No answering phone, no visits, no cooking no nothing that can be stressing. Just you and your thoughts. Maybe a good therapy is to have a voice recorder ready for when you have bouts of anger or any of the feelings you mentioned... you speak it out loud and record it.
Well the thing is you really need help asap and you got to determine which is right for you or ask someone, like a professional. Good luck.

Hey Ascil,

I do think you need professional help, especially if this has been happening more than once (the self abuse etc).
But you must remember that no one has the magic pill to make all things hurtful go away in an instant, healing is a process which involves you and your soul.
No one can take out all the bad that happened in your past and make it good for you, you must yourself let go of the burdens knowing that you cannot change the past, but the future that is what you can work on...


Regards:)

Sweetheart by being on this site you are exactly doing that- seeking advice. But instead of us people most of who are not medical experts and will only revert back to you when we have time... tis best that you seek the advice of soemone who is nearby.
What have you against medication? If you have a skin problem would you not take it? Or a tooth ache? Then why this? Especially because this problem is compromising the safety and health of a lot of others around you, in addition to you yourself. Would you not tell someone who didn't know driving to stop driving? To have mercy on the other drivers on the road? Likwise for ryou. You need to stop driving the car of your mind for some time now. And let someone else fix it for you. Then soon enough things would be back to normal... and you would be able to enjoy things once again. Right now all your anger and emotions are directed at others-whether hurting them or feeling jealous or whatever. Perhaps a little change in focus due to sleeping or remaining with folks who love you... woudl change things? Give it a shot. Nothing to lose anyway is there? Otherwise I fear you are losing your ground very fast.
I am trying to be very calm in this response but actually you are nearly reaching an emergency point. So apply brakes now...