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Okay, I have been reading this forum and I think there are a lot of good advices from experiences people.
One thing I have been kept thinking: it seems like dating,having a relationship is just tough, so if you all have a second chance, will you prefer it never happened to you and u'd rather being single.
Thank you in advance.
P.S. I am learning so much from all of you, I truly appreciate all who have posted their cases and advices on this forum!
Hugs!
I have had several very very bad relationships in my life. But I don't regret a single one of them. I was able to take something from each person. Something that helped shape who I am now. Relationships go bad, but there is good in them too and you won't experience the same thing with another person. I would rather have the 10 minutes of sadness in my 10 hours of hapiness, than have nothing at all.
Thank you.Quote:
Originally Posted by alkalineangel
Could that be 10 minutes of happiness in the 10 hours of sadness?
That's what I am worried about...
Well, let's put it this way ; if I had to be single again I would definitely go about it differently. I wish that this so-called "information age" had existed back when I was in my late teens and early 20s, where I could glean all of the advice offered on forums such as this. I think it would have made me a better and wiser person. Of course, there's something to be said for experience too, which I certainly didn't have in my teens and 20s and all the technology in the world can't provide that. I guess the Quakers put it best when they say "too soon old and too late wise."
When it comes down to it... there is absolutely no substitute for experience.
... unless they make virtual reality goggles :) hehehehe
No... I would rather have had every single bad relationship then to never have had it at all. Every relationship taught me something and it seems like every lesson I learn is handy in the next relationship. Truly, many of the crappy relationships that were like the worst (ie: drugs, alcoholism, verbal abuse) there are aspects I wish I could have changed, but then it wouldn't have been the same. So no... I am glad I got some miles on me so I can use my experiences to help others and myself.:)
Overall, I think you will find that the happy moments will by far out-number the sad ones. And even if they don't... isnt it worth it for the few happy ones there are? The world is such a sad place, any bit of happiness is worthwhile.Quote:
Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
It would be nice to have not had the unhappiness to be honest. But then I wouldn't have learnt so much and had so much happiness. As said above I would have gone about it a lot differently for certain.
If I had the power to go back and change things, I would go through all of the bad relationships that I have all over again. It's because of those relationships that I'm now a stronger person emotionally. There is good that can be taken out of almost any bad relationship. I think that I would be a different person at my core if I did not experience heartache.Quote:
Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
As for rather being single than married, I'm very happy that I get to share my live and experiences with the person that I love. If I didn't I wouldn't be married:)
I'd love a second chance at things, but I'm afraid that I would lose the world I have now, so no way do I go back and change a thing.
Hard to say, life is what happens when you are making plans! I guess I'll go with the flow!
I agree, though I've been put through the wringer, so to speak, many times, I wouldn't change a thing. It's the bad times that give us the most opportunity to learn and grow, as well as teaching us to appreciate what we truly have in better times.
To a degree I guess I had given up on ever finding someone who could appreciate me for who I am. Until recently I had been on one (yes, one!) actual date in 7 years. Yet recently I found myself attracted to someone whom I encounter on a fairly regular basis. Though I was appreciably reluctant to approach her, given that I felt I was so very rusty in the dating and relationship department.
Much to my great surprise, she made the first move, but a few weeks later. Through our fairly in-depth conversations, I discovered that her birthday was but a short time away. I made a lavish effort on that day, and within a week we were out on our very first date. Despite having hardly dated in 7 years, nothing ever felt so comfortable to me, and I've never had such a fantastic date. Two months later we are still together and seeing each other multiple times a week, talking by phone sometimes daily.
In many ways, it could be considered by some a challenging relationship. She is native to another country, and only speaks English to a moderate degree. I read and speak only an extremely limited degree of a dialect native to her country, of which she largely understands, though I have virtually no need to ever use. I met her parents on the very first date, having had dinner at their home, and continue to do so near weekly. And though they speak little to none of my language, somehow we seem to have a good understanding and communicate to a fairly good degree.
I have always had a strong appreciation for her culture and many of its inherent values, and I think this is greatly reflected in much of what we genuinely share. She is so unlike many people that I have dated in the past. I still have certain, perhaps societally or famially ingrained, lingering tendencies such as over-spending or over-gifting as a way of showing my deep respect and appreciation for her -- but she continues to gently admonish me at times for such, liking me most for my relatively quiet company and who I genuinely am, and not so much for anything I can materially provide necessarily.
Our nowadays multiple mutual friends, who have known her far longer than I, tell me we are perfectly suited for each other. People tell me I treat her like "a queen", and are sure we will be "hitched" within a year. But I'll tell you, I'm the lucky one. And I know it every day.
The thing is, love came to me when I stopped searching for it. I had all but given up in the past year, that I would ever find anyone again -- and I had largely come to accept this to some degree on perhaps multiple levels -- least not someone whom would like me near solely for my often somewhat quirky personality and quiet, gentle nature alone. But there is a very easy peace in our thus far relatively short-term, though oftentimes seemingly intense union. I'm no longer struggling to find something, achieve something, or hang onto something. I'm just immensely grateful for every fully present minute I have together with her, and try not to ever worry too much about what tomorrow holds. Greatly confident most days that she will continue to be there to share it with me.
Center a relationship strongly around giving and you will always have something to hang on to, no matter what transpires.
One day of genuine love is worth a year of toil in my book. Please don't give up, you'll find what you are looking for when the time is most right. :)
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