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-   -   My 5 year old prefers her father (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=110460)

  • Jul 16, 2007, 11:56 AM
    brilling
    My 5 year old prefers her father
    This is a "good" problem. My 5 year old prefers her father. Is this a typical stage? It is true that because he works from home, he takes her to school and picks her up, and he is more fun and plays a lot, whereas I take care of brushing teeth, eating vegetables, etc.

    She will do things if he asks, but not if I ask. Also, she calls for him in the morning and sobs terribly when he has to go away occasionally for work. When I have to go away, she hardly notices.

    He is a wonderful father and husband. Maybe I just feel left out? Maybe this is a normal stage in child development?
    Thanks
  • Jul 16, 2007, 12:04 PM
    rankrank55
    This is completely normal, your daughter loves you just as much! She sounds like a daddy's little girl to me! They only thing that concerns me is that she listens to your husband when he asks her to do something but not to you. If I were you, I would talk with your husband about this and come up with a plan that shows your daughter that you and your hubby are in this together; if mom says no then dad should back you up. Doing this will allow her to see that what comes out of moms mouth if just as important and serious as what comes out of dad's mouth. It would probably be a good idea for you to take your daughter out on the weekends and have some girl time. You could also show up after work one day with a box of pizza and some board games... show her that you are fun too! Don't forget though, the things you are doing right now make you a great mom no matter what, as long as you are showing your child love and care then that's all that really matters!
  • Jul 16, 2007, 12:35 PM
    lacuran8626
    Very normal. She will bounce back and forth between the two of you, and find different ways to connect with each of you. But believe me - if she sensed for a moment you werent' there for her, it would be very upsetting to her. You are no less important to her than you ever were - she is just so comfortable with your presence, she is exploring this other relationship in her family, and many little girls are daddy's girls.
  • Jul 16, 2007, 01:32 PM
    Skrypt
    Yeah this is normal.
    Although I learned a very interesting psychological "ego" you might want to check out.

    It's called the Electra complex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    I think every mother should know of it regardless just because of problems that may arise from it. There was also a thread on these forums that are related to this.

    I'm not saying this is your child's case or anything but you know, I'm just giving you extra information :).. well enjoy
  • Jul 16, 2007, 01:42 PM
    Wondergirl
    Little boys about that age tell their mommies they want to marry them someday. That's the Oedipus complex, basically the opposite of what Skrypt mentioned. Freud came up with these two stages in order to explain human development. Then little boys turn to their dads and imitate them. Little girls turn to their moms to help fold clothes or wash dishes.

    My dad was the playful, fun parent, and my mom was the "Maintenance Mom" type who made sure our faces and hands were clean, we flushed after using the potty, we ate all our veggies, etc. Dad learned to check for dirty faces, and Mom learned to relax a little and play with us. My sibs and I value both of our parents for what they gave us.
  • Jul 16, 2007, 02:10 PM
    s_cianci
    I think it's normal for children to go through stages where they prefer one parent over the other. In this case it sounds like your husband spends most of the time with her because of your circumstances. Maybe you need to schedule some special time with just the two of you where you take her somewhere special. Also you admit that your husband is more fun and plays a lot. Maybe you need to be more like him and lighten up a little bit.

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