Ask Me Help Desk - Thoughts and urges

Ok.. so I am a little embarrassed by what I am about to write, but I am just being honest, so here it goes...

I am a 20 year old girl, in a serious relationship with a man, but I have been feeling the urge to be with girls.. well, not "girls" but one girl. I have a best friend and lately I have been wanting to experiment with her. I know she would probably be OK with that and that she wouldn't be scared off -- but it's not like I have serious feelings for her, I just want to play around with her sexually.

Is this normal? Should I let these feelins pass and not think about them, or should I talk to her about them. I have joked around with my man, telling him I would hook up with a girl... but I don't think he knows how serious I am. I know he probably wouldn't be OK with me playing with her... he wouldn't understand.

I know that you guys will probably tell me to be honest with my man about these feelings, but I fear it would do more harm than good. I just want some of your opinions on how I should handle these thoughts or urges... and for you to tell me if I am crazy..

If someone wants to answer that would be great. I will wait for responses before I go into more details.. thanks for anything.

It's perfectly normal to think about wandering a bit, especially with people we're close to in other ways.

Just let the feelings pass. As much as you think you know she'd be fine with them, as soon as you voice such a thing, things change.

I wouldn't tell your boyfriend. Not the specifics anyway... a fantasy is just a fantasy, but putting a real person into it is only going to make things awkward. As far as he's concerned, it should remain an anonymous fantasy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nosnosna

It's perfectly normal to think about wandering a bit, especially with people we're close to in other ways.

Just let the feelings pass. As much as you think you know she'd be fine with them, as soon as you voice such a thing, things change.

I wouldn't tell your boyfriend. Not the specifics anyway... a fantasy is just a fantasy, but putting a real person into it is only going to make things awkward. As far as he's concerned, it should remain an anonymous fantasy.

Thanks for understanding, I feel better :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by iwillhelp

These urges are perfectly fine and you shouldn't be embarrassed at all. Regardless if people admit it or not, most people will hve sexual urges toward someone of their own sex. This doesn't me you are a lesbian, in fact there are a million reasons why you are having these thoughts. You could like her as a person, think that she is cool. She could of done something to you, that makes you really happy. Or you may just feel comfortable with her. Anyways, just because you have these feelings, doesn't mean you have to act on them. Unless you have strong sexual feelings toward women in general, you are fine, enjoy them, whatever. As for your boy here, don't tell him. You aren't cheating, lying, or causing him harm. If you think it will take to long to explain this to him, i would suggest not.

zz.

I have always thought about beautiful women in that way secretly, but a man definitely makes me happiest (I would think). But when you say "unless you have strong sexual feelings for women in general" how would I know if that were the case? I think that if other women opened themselves up to me the same way she has, then I would probably feel that way about other women as well. What do you think that means? Am I over-analyzing?

I think that almost everyone has at least once thought about playing around with a member of the same sex.

Does that mean you should act on it? It depends on the situation.

In your situation, the very fact that your man would NOT be okay with it means that you should just keep it in your head. A fantasy is nice to have for dreaming, but many times the actuality is not what we'd expect, and can make things awkward with the people we fantasize about.

My advice is to just keep this to yourself, and to NOT act on it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

I think that almost everyone has at least once thought about playing around with a member of the same sex.

Does that mean you should act on it? It depends on the situation.

In your situation, the very fact that your man would NOT be okay with it means that you should just keep it in your head. A fantasy is nice to have for dreaming, but many times the actuality is not what we'd expect, and can make things awkward with the people we fantasize about.

My advice is to just keep this to yourself, and to NOT act on it.

Thanks, that's what I think I will do... it definitely felt nice getting it off my chest :)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this :) I can't tell you how many times I've had the urge to do the same experimentation. In my opinion, it is only natural, our way of finding out what it is that we want, what it is that will make us happy.

As for your man, if he's not okay with it, well not many men like the idea of having their woman with another woman, it makes them feel less manly perhaps? But if it keeps bothering you, talk to him. He should understand.

Hope you figure it out :)

Considering that this thread is from 4 years ago, I hope they worked it out ages ago.

Please watch dates when responding to questions.

Thread closed.