Hi guys,

Ive been quiet for a while trying to move on and I've been doing OK, I won't lie, I still think of my ex all the time, I've met her a few time when I have been out but I have kept the conversation short. I have been on a couple of dated but not really been into the people I have met. I met a gril at the weekend there and I asked her for her number and got it, which I was happy with. Anyway we exchanged texts and I asked if she would like to meet up for a drink sometime, I got a reply later on asking what I had got up to that night, she did not answer my question.

I will be honest guys I don't take rejection very well and take it personally. I know you all have experience, so how do I go about this do I continue conversation with her?? When is the best time to ask out a lady?? Or is she telling me NO but basically not coming out and saying it??

She may have a boyfriend but why give me her number, the last one I liked just did it for attention and I'm wondering if this is happening again to me.

I have a friend who all the girls like and he gets a date if he asks this makes me feel worse and not good enough

First off, let me just say that I hear you when you say you feel bad when you compare yourself to guys who can get dates easily... it's especially hard to get over an ex when you don't meet someone you're compatible with.

The first thing you should know is that it takes a lot of searching to find someone you'll really be into. I personally am very picky so it takes me a long time. :) But it's worth it, since I know I'm just not happy dating just any girl I meet. I imagine you're the same way, and I think it's perfectly fine--in fact, probably more healthy, since you don't waste time and energy trying to be with someone you don't really care about.

Yes, some guys have it easy... but they're lucky. That's just the way life is and there's little you can do about it.

In any case, I think any time is a good time to ask a girl out if she's interested. Most will make time for you if they want to get to know you better. She may be hesitant to go out with you because she doesn't know you very well... you might just call back again in a few days. Some people need some convincing.

Or she may not really be that interested, in which case you should just move on to the next one in a week or so.

Ultimately, though, you should know that you can't give up and you shouldn't let it get you down. Yeah, rejection sucks, but you reject girls all the time (you may not even know it!) and so it's really a part of life. It took me quite some time to deal with the sting that comes with being passed up for a drunken frat boy or a vato from east LA, but like physical pain it goes away after a while (why hasn't anyone come up with an ointment for the pain of rejection?).

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Originally Posted by huno

First off, let me just say that I hear you when you say you feel bad when you compare yourself to guys who can get dates easily... it's especially hard to get over an ex when you don't meet someone you're compatible with.

The first thing you should know is that it takes a lot of searching to find someone you'll really be into. I personally am very picky so it takes me a long time. :) But it's worth it, since I know I'm just not happy dating just any girl I meet. I imagine you're the same way, and I think it's perfectly fine--in fact, probably more healthy, since you don't waste time and energy trying to be with someone you don't really care about.

Yes, some guys have it easy... but they're lucky. That's just the way life is and there's little you can do about it.

In any case, I think any time is a good time to ask a girl out if she's interested. Most will make time for you if they want to get to know you better. She may be hesitant to go out with you because she doesn't know you very well... you might just call back again in a few days. Some people need some convincing.

Or she may not really be that interested, in which case you should just move on to the next one in a week or so.

Ultimately, though, you should know that you can't give up and you shouldn't let it get you down. Yeah, rejection sucks, but you reject girls all the time (you may not even know it!) and so it's really a part of life. It took me quite some time to deal with the sting that comes with being passed up for a drunken frat boy or a vato from east LA, but like physical pain it goes away after a while (why hasn't anyone come up with an ointment for the pain of rejection?).

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Thanks very much Huno I appreciate those point very well put. Don't get me wrong my friend is a man who is handsome and has the chat with the ladies but a good man at that, very caring guy. I get compliments too I just feel myself for some reason competing unintentionally, its like I say to myself "why does she like him and not me, oh i know why cause he's better looking" its embarrassing saying that but that's how I feel at times, he is a great mate but and I wouldn't change him for the world.

Also unsure when to ask this girl out again I don't want to seem too keen, I don't even know if she is seeing anyone

Hmm... well my belief is that, if the girl's interested, anytime's a good time. Hell, these days if the girl's interested she may just ask you out.

Well, you might just wait a day or two to call again. Be casual about it. You might even joke about her not wanting to go out with you:

"Hey, I'm just calling to see if you wanted to get a coffee or something... just so you know, I have a rule about being rejected: three times and you're out. It's like baseball, except you have the bat and I'm the ball."



--huno

P.S.: so you're friend's a "mate" and you're "keen" on this girl... so my guess is you're not from the U.S. I'm guessing my "vato from east LA" reference didn't make sense to you... well replace it with "[i]vato[i] from east <insert city name here>." :)

When a female gives you a chance to talk and converse that's a good sign, because she was not ready to go out, is not rejection, just her being cautious. Call her back and chat, and listen for the signs she may be interested as you are to easily disappointed and worse you take it much to personal. Sometimes we blow our chances by being discouraged when it doesn't go our way. Not many females are going to give you what you want right off the bat, you have to work, to earn it. Don't give up so easily. The only difference between you and your friend is confidence and experience. Be confident and get some experience.

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Originally Posted by huno

Hmm... well my belief is that, if the girl's interested, anytime's a good time. Hell, these days if the girl's interested she may just ask you out.

Well, you might just wait a day or two to call again. Be casual about it. You might even joke about her not wanting to go out with you:

"Hey, I'm just calling to see if you wanted to get a coffee or something... just so you know, I have a rule about being rejected: three times and you're out. It's like baseball, except you have the bat and I'm the ball."



--huno

P.S.: so you're friend's a "mate" and you're "keen" on this girl.... so my guess is you're not from the U.S. I'm guessing my "vato from east LA" reference didn't make sense to you... well replace it with "[i]vato[i] from east <insert city name here>." :)

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We text a couple of times yesterday and she said she had to go but would text me later, so I let it at that, how long should I wait to see if she texts again I don't want to text and annoy her, she may have not answered my question of meeting for a drink cause she doesn't want to, I hate these mind games lol

Maybe she is taking it slow getting to know you. The phone is a better choice in a day or so and see what happens. Humorous and lite conversation at this point.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe she is taking it slow getting to know you. The phone is a better choice in a day or so and see what happens. Humorous and lite conversation at this point.

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Yeah I will text her later on today then I will end it by saying give me a text later... if she doesn't then maybe I should leave it at that or should I persist, I just don't want to act like I'm desperate or a stalker??

Leave it, and get someone else's number. Single guys have no need to be waiting and hoping, you want dates, then you have to ask for them. If the first 10 say no and #11 says yes, then you have a date. Don't ever get mad because a female rejects you, just learn to move to the next. Not trying to make you a player, just never tie your confidence or self esteem to another person period.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave it, and get someone else's number. Single guys have no need to be waiting and hoping, you want dates, then you have to ask for them. If the first 10 say no and #11 says yes, then you have a date. Don't ever get mad because a female rejects you, just learn to move to the next. Not trying to make you a player, just never tie your confidence or self esteem to another person period.

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I think that the problem I have, if I get rejected 10 time I take it personally and ask "what is wrong with me" yet I have a friend who always succeeds I hate to be jealous but its how it makes me feel at times

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Originally Posted by Tyne26

I think that the problem i have, if i get rejected 10 time i take it personally and ask "what is wrong with me" yet i have a friend who always succeeds i hate to be jealous but its how it makes me feel at times

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Oh, it's totally normal, I'd feel the same if I got rejected 10 TIMES, or maybe twice is enough to make me feel like this. Maybe try not think about it for a while. I know it's hard, but you have no choice, so just let it go.

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Originally Posted by Tyne26

I think that the problem i have, if i get rejected 10 time i take it personally and ask "what is wrong with me" yet i have a friend who always succeeds i hate to be jealous but its how it makes me feel at times

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Bet he doesn't tell you about the ones that shoot him down. My whole point is not to take things personally, and let them get you down. :eek:

I think you have self-esteem problems... Hey, I'm a good looking guy, but I have self esteem problems too. Therefore, when someone gives me compliments, such as a female, it draws me closer to them quickly. Having more dates and staying builds you self-esteem and can have a very positive effect on your life. I wish you the best and how about you join the gym and go out more without focusing so much on women and within 2 months, I'm sure you will have many and you won't be on this site... Sounds good, huh?:cool:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I think you have self-esteem problems...Hey, I'm a good looking guy, but i have self esteem problems too. Therefore, when someone gives me compliments, such as a female, it draws me closer to them quickly. Having more dates and staying builds you self-esteem and can have a very positive effect on your life. I wish you the best and how about you join the gym and go out more without focusing so much on women and within 2 months, I'm sure you will have many and you won't be on this site...Sounds good, huh?:cool:

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I appreciate your advice and yes you are right I do have self esteem problems, I have had them throughout my life. When I was young I moved towns this was at the period when I was about to attend high school. I started a new school in an area where I knew no one and struggled to mix in with crowds who already knew each other for years, I have found myself jump from crowd to crowd trying to settle in. I used to get teased for about 3-4 years solid from females about my appearance.

The story is I had a problem with my mouth, basically I had an underbite which made me look different to other people and getting teased about this made me really down and constantly terrified me about going to school. I eventually in my 20's got the operation to correct this problem but still struggle like hell with myself esteem.

Im now as mentioned in previous posts losing my hair quite badly and this is just another pressure I feel (I get slagged constantly from the guys and just laugh but deep down it hurts). When I look at all my friends they don't have this problem and I feel sometimes I am the one being punished, I'm constantly stressed and the rejection from a female makes me worse and re-emphasises what I have felt all these years.

Ive been to counselling it helped a little but, when you look at yourself and don't like what you see there isn't much anyone can do for you.

Sorry for going on and on I just thought it would ge good to let you know what my life goes like, thanks for reading...

Hi Tyne!
Have you noticed that beautiful girls are often with not-so-good-looking men? Looks isn't everything, it's the confidence, sense of humor, and many other things that work. I guess joining a gym, pool (any sports activity) combined with achievements in other spheres might boost yourself esteem. Then you'll realise you've become a magnet for gals)))
Wish you a very good luck! Cheers

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Originally Posted by Ulysses

Hi Tyne!
Have you noticed that beautiful girls are often with not-so-good-looking men? Looks isn't everything, it's the confidence, sense of humor, and many other things that work. I guess joining a gym, pool (any sports activity) combined with achievements in other spheres might boost your self esteem. Then you'll realise you've become a magnet for gals)))
Wish you a very good luck! Cheers

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Thank you and yes funnily enough I have seen this. I try my best, it's the times when I get really down that I fear as I find it difficult to pick myself up and tend to sulk for too long