I met this guy three years back, within 3 months I felt he is life to me. Just then he told me about his existing relationship with another girl whom he loves and was in the relationship for past 4 years.
We tried being together, but in the mean time his girlfriend came to know about our relationship and we were forced to part off. I could never get out of him, often left messages in his cell phone which remained un answered, suddenly one day, he replied to one of my message, and there onwards, we started making phone calls again, in few months we came to a situation when we were intimate, and promised that we'll not call it over even if the other girl created problems.
He stills meet her everyday, and we also love each other, we spent a few days together out in the country side, which her girlfriend came to know and created problems. He went back to her pacified and convinced her assuming I'll as usual accept all this.
Ut now this is killing me, knowing that my man is in relationship with some one else and will never make our relationship official.
What should I do? I donot want to leave him at all

He's playing the both of you. Dump him move on with your life. Can't you see he's getting what he wants from both of you and playing you like a chewing gum? Hes got you both wrapped around his finger. I know it's hard to move on but all you need is yourself. You don't need anybody else. You may want him but you don't need him. Accepting this is the first step towards your happiness.

If you don't want to do that, than break it down for him that either you're the only girl in his life or you're gone, cause when a man really loves a woman, he won't be having a serious relationship with another, like what's going on right now. Hes cheating and both of you girls know it.

The question that I have to ask you, is why you would want to be with someone who is cheating on his girlfriend with you, hid the fact that he was in a committed relationship when he initially met you, and is playing head games?

These types of guys don't change. If he by some miracle leaves his girlfriend to be with you, he is going to do the same thing to you with another woman. And why should he leave his girlfriend? He has his cake and is eating it too, and you're enabling all of this.

You can't claim to be a victim anymore. You know the situation he is in. Only one thing to do; run, don't walk away from him, run.

And learn from the experience, and never be with a guy who is like this ever again.

You are knowingly with someone who has a partner, its as bad as dating a married man. If he were a decent man he would break off the relationship he is already in before embarking on a new relationship. How can you even consider a future with a man who has so little respect for his partner that he would cheat on them? You are a fool if you do. He has a girtlfriend, someone who is is probably telling there is nothing going on between the two of you, you mean nothing to him blah blah, he is harldy going to tell her that yes he has another girlfriend now is he! Leave this man, he is an idiot, and you are just the other woman in his relationship.

If he can cheat on his girlfriend of 4 years, what makes you think you mean anything to him after 3 months of dating. Hes obviously playing you and his girlfriend (because she's been stupid enough to take him back time and time again in the 4 years they have been together). Don't let him sweet talk and brainwash you. Hes a scumbag and you need to get rid of him or you will always be the "other woman" because he's not going to leave his girlfriend. He has his girlfriend wrapped around his fingers, don't let him wrap you around his fingers too. He does not love you. Im sure he tells you he does, but he doesn't because love is not about lies and cheating. You have only known him 3 months, you can move on because its not a long period. The more you wait the harder it will be on you when you do move on or when you are forced to move on bbecause he stops calling you. Don't get to that point, dump the looser now.

Before you try anything stupid (like breaking them up) ask yourself a few questions:
Why did I get involved with a guy who was taken?
Why do I enjoy being the other woman when it comes to him, his girlfriend and myself?
How long will I be able to take this horrible feeling of being used & abused?
How can I trust the sleazy man who is cheating?
What would I feel like if I were his girlfriend and she was the other woman?

Now that you have actually answered the questions, what do you see in him? I'm sorry but the whole "I'm in love with a guy but he's taken" thing kind of sickens me. I have respect for any woman who is willing to wait for the love of their life, but to wait on a man who clearly doesn't care about you is ridiculous. Just move on and find someone new... someone with whom you don't have to fide your relationship.

I understand that the advice you are giving is fr dumping that guy, but some how my inner voice tells me he's the best person on earth, and I don't want to a lose him at any cost.. I can keep waiting fr him even till his now girlfriend marries, troubles and gets out or not frm him. I want to be there fr him whenever he needs me, as the girlfriend he is with, always creates prblm, so much so that she doesn't allow him to speak to her real sis, suspecting that her sis will take away her boyfrnd...
I am dying of all this, one corner I want to say bye but at the same time, I want to make him know that whenever he needs me I'll be there fr lending my shoulder to speak up and relax

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Originally Posted by Skrypt

he's playing the both of you. Dump him move on with your life. Can't you see hes getting what he wants from both of you and playing you like a chewing gum? Hes got you both wrapped around his finger. I know it's hard to move on but all you need is yourself. You don't need anybody else. You may want him but you don't need him. Accepting this is the first step towards your happiness.

If you don't want to do that, than break it down for him that either you're the only girl in his life or you're gone, cause when a man really loves a woman, he wont be having a serious relationship with another, like what's going on right now. Hes cheating and both of you girls know it.

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No its not 3 months, 3 months was when he told me about the other girl, we managed to convince ourselves that though he may have a relationship, bt still he may be in love and be loved... it was going fine, now its 3 years, what kills me is now he informs me whenever he's with her, and I like a perfect wife accept all and wait fr him to cm bk

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Originally Posted by Inspired

If he can cheat on his girlfriend of 4 years, what makes you think you mean anything to him after 3 months of dating. Hes obviously playing you and his girlfriend (because shes been stupid enough to take him back time and time again in the 4 years they have been together). Dont let him sweet talk and brainwash you. Hes a scumbag and you need to get rid of him or you will always be the "other woman" because hes not going to leave his girlfriend. He has his girlfriend wrapped around his fingers, dont let him wrap you around his fingers too. He does not love you. Im sure he tells you he does, but he doesnt because love is not about lies and cheating. You have only known him 3 months, you can move on because its not a long period of time. The more you wait the harder it will be on you when you do move on or when you are forced to move on bbecause he stops calling you. Dont get to that point, dump the looser now.

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Well it sounds to me like you are OK with all of this, if you wernt you would not have even asked anyone about it . Everyone here said leave the scum bag and yet you said No I will wait... well then wait and wait and wait and wait... and maybe someday after they are married and they have kids and you find out about all the other girlfriends he has you might wake up and realise you are worth more then that! No one has the right to make you feel like sloppy seconds, And what if you actually win this Prize the man of your dreams... how will you feel when he cheats on you? Will you be OK with that ? I don't know... All I know is when I found out my ex husband was cheating I screamed I WANT A DIVORCE ! And now I can laugh when his mistress... now wife , tells me he is out of town on business... yah and that's what he told me about you ! But I keep that info to myself its not my job to make waves... all I am saying is you need to make a decision... you will either except it and say this is OK with me him being with her when he is not with me... or Move on , because chances are he will not choose you... he has already chosen her 2 times now ! Think about it :)

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Originally Posted by Simone_urooj

I understand that the advice you are giving is fr dumping that guy, but some how my inner voice tells me he's the best person on earth, and I dont wanna a lose him at any cost.. i can keep waiting fr him even till his now gf marries, troubles and gets out or not frm him. I want to be there fr him whenever he needs me, as the gf he is wid, always creates prblm, so much so that she doesnt allow him to speak to her real sis, suspecting that her sis will take away her boyfrnd...
I am dying of all this, one corner I wanna say bye but at the same time, i wanna make him know that whenever he needs me i'll be there fr lending my shoulder to speak up and relax

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That inner voice is your heart talking, not your mind. It's weird isn't it? But your heart can't always be the boss. There are times where you must drive your passion and times where you must suppress it with your mind for the benefit of your well being.

Did you know in Shakespearian plays, the main character is always driven with passion and never suppressed with the mind? And then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose, and everything is lost. My point is if you want everything you will end up with absolutely nothing. Sooner or later if you keep wanting him your heart will feel pain like never before. It will be shattered, your mind will be devastated and your life will be in great turmoil because he is in a serious relationship with another woman.

Don't get me wrong. It is VERY hard to calm your heart. Making it docile and stopping it from screaming and shrieking and clawing is what you must now do. I understand the pain and how time goes by so slowly. All your emotions running through your body like a stampede rampaging through your gut, and how you think of him as the only person that you will ever be with. There will be more. In the end this is just my advice, you have to decide for yourself. Be happy with false hope. OR. Fight the sorrow and look for better.

Well, you're involved in a triangle. Not a bad deal for the guy, as he gets to have his cake and eat it too, but a rotten one for you and this other woman. Do you like to share your men with someone else? Because that's exactly what's happening here. I won't tell you what to do as that has to be your own decision, but in my opinion you should forget all about this guy, click your heels and run away in the opposite direction and never look back. There are lots of good, quality, decent men out there. However, you'll never find any as long as you keep pining over this guy who's obviously just a player.

But as I said, I don't want to leave hom, I want to teach him true love, keep loving him... leaving a cheater is easy, difficult is to stay on and let him feel and respond to love.. whts your opinion and if some thoughts to it, I'll welcome.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Well, you're involved in a triangle. Not a bad deal for the guy, as he gets to have his cake and eat it too, but a rotten one for you and this other woman. Do you like to share your men with someone else? Because that's exactly what's happening here. I won't tell you what to do as that has to be your own decision, but in my opinion you should forget all about this guy, click your heels and run away in the opposite direction and never look back. There are lots of good, quality, decent men out there. However, you'll never find any as long as you keep pining over this guy who's obviously just a player.

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I know it's hard to leave someone you love but take it from someone who has done it in the past, it gets easier with time. Look at your life, are you happy with it? Are you happy knowing that he goes to her and tells her he loves her? I honestly think not. Yes, it is difficult to stay and do what you're doing but doesn't that tell you something? It should tell you that you're never going to get what you want because he is not going to leave her. Not wanting to let go is normal, but you have so much potential. You want to stay and teach him love, you want to hold on to what you have. That is amazing and I probably wouldn't be able to do that, but you're using your love on the wrong person. Try moving on, ask a friend to set you up with someone (who isn't taken) and just move along.

There is nothing you can teach him. He knows love and so he's getting it from 2 girls.
TWO! And both of you know it.

These are your options.
1) Leave him like everyone's advice states
2) Make him change and both of you dump the other girl in person.

The way I see it. Even if he dumps her in person he could still be cheating in secret.
He'll be a jerk and say you're too possessive and run off with the other one. Then how will you feel? See my point? The results don't look very bright being with him.

Since you are so convinced he is the one for you, then you must know by now, you will have to share him with his other female. There has to be a major reason he waited 3 months before he let you into his secret, but of course you where already hooked by his charm and settled for less than you deserve. After reading your posts then I can see now that YOU do deserve him, at least part of him that he gives you. Just set up a schedule and take turns, and if he adds another to his harem, then simply change the schedule, so easy. Since your happy settling for less, and are so happy in his harem, good for you. When you start to see what a very foolish, and unhealthy relationship this is, come back for advice. Until then you are just another dumb piece of meat in a players stable.

Sorry to say this but what kind of girl are you?? To my strong belief, my mom taught me that girls like you are $luts, (sorry t be tough). You try your best to destroy other's happiness, just to please your own need. This is very low! Don't you think that she is very painful and hurt right now that she found out her boyfriend was having fun with someone? Don't you just leave a second to think about her?

If you continue this situation, sooner or after, you will face very bad consequences. Like she would kill you or something.

And obviously, he loves that gal, not you, so what makes you think about teaching him TRUE LOVE when you yourself are not his true love? Don't you see that you LOST anytime she involved? She is the winner, you are the loser. What makes you lose? Simple: he loves her much much more, that's it!

Wake up and run away from this to save a little ego left (if any)!

Thanks for teaching the hard truth, I was closing my eyes to it...
I'll talk to him for once and for all, won't be harsh but firmly will tell him I am over and done with all that...
I don't know whether I can stop loving him, bt I'll make my willpower to stop calling him...
I will also not give him my new number which I'll be changing in a day or two...

Thanks a lot for being my well wishers..

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Since you are so convinced he is the one for you, then you must know by now, you will have to share him with his other female. There has to be a major reason he waited 3 months before he let you into his secret, but of course you where already hooked by his charm and settled for less than you deserve. After reading your posts then I can see now that YOU do deserve him, at least part of him that he gives you. Just set up a schedule and take turns, and if he adds another to his harem, then simply change the schedule, so easy. Since your happy settling for less, and are so happy in his harem, good for you. When you start to see what a very foolish, and unhealthy relationship this is, come back for advice. Until then you are just another dumb peice of meat in a players stable.

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