My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 2 years. He is talking about marriage from time to time (his parents are encouraging him too), but has never actually proposed. I think he may be sensing my hesitation, and he may be hesitant himself. We recently moved in together and the affectionate part of the relationship has gone way down. The only kind of sex that he does with me I find too kinky. I've mentioned that to him but he doesn't do any efforts for anything more romantic.
Another great source of concern to me is that he still keeps in touch with old girlfriends. To some of them he even hasn't told he has a serious girlfriend. I saw chat conversations he has had with them and what bothers me is that he tells them that they are beautiful, asks them for pictures, and then comments on how sexy they are. He has a folder with pictures of each ex-girlfriend on his computer, each folder with the name of the girl... nothing too erotic (although some are borderline), but it still hurts me.
Before I confront him with this, I was wondering what you thought. I have talked to him about things like that and he has hinted that I am too jealous or controlling and that I am invading his privace. I am not very experienced relationship-wise, so I am thinking that I may indeed be overreacting. If he says he loves me and he hints at marrying me, but he still keeps pictures of ex-girlfriends (some of them acquired recently) and he still keeps in contact with them and gives them flirty compliments, is that normal behavior, or should I be concerned?

I think he may be simply missing certain aspects of the relationships he had with his exes and the fact that still talks to them seems like there's still a connection between them that no one will ever break.Hes not cheating on you with any of them so maybe its just a li'l flirty fun.You do have the right to be a li'l bit concerned about it since you are thinking about marriage with this guy even if its not for a while to come.Have you ever initiated romantic moments with him?if so what does he do when you do?does he turn around or ignore you?talk to him about that as well,maybe plan a romantic weekend away with him.

Thanks, Hero. I find myself obsessing thinking about this and trying to decide what to do and whether to talk to him... I feel like he would react negatively, say that I am nagging, over controlling, etc. and I don't want to be. I have tried initiating romantic endeavors, but he has said way too many times he's not in the mood and that he wants to be in control and initiate sex... as I'm writing this, I'm thinking it sounds like he doesn't really love me, but at the same time, he says that he does and he is talking about having a future together. I am really torn.
Thanks for your help!

Might not want to hear it but it sounds like maybe a break between you guys wouldn't be a bad idea,if he truly loved you then he would want to change and make you happy otherwise I wouldn't be considering marriage with him.

But isn't there a limit to which we should ask a partner to change? I'm just concerned that asking him to stop chatting with ex-girlfriends and put their pictures away and stop giving them compliments may just be too much... and if there is nothing serious there, I may be limiting him so much that he would want to react against me and see me as too controlling...

It wouldn't be too much to ask him to stop talking to his exs and all that,since there may be a marriage over the hill.if you had control of everything then id say your too controlling but since you don't then you have the right to be concerned about this behavior with the man your thinking about marrying.

Thanks, hero! This really helps!

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Originally Posted by dawn89

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 2 years. He is talking about marriage from time to time (his parents are encouraging him too), but has never actually proposed. I think he may be sensing my hesitation, and he may be hesitant himself. We recently moved in together and the affectionate part of the relationship has gone way down. The only kind of sex that he does with me I find too kinky. I've mentioned that to him but he doesn't do any efforts for anything more romantic.
Another great source of concern to me is that he still keeps in touch with old girlfriends. To some of them he even hasn't told he has a serious girlfriend. I saw chat conversations he has had with them and what bothers me is that he tells them that they are beautiful, asks them for pictures, and then comments on how sexy they are. He has a folder with pictures of each ex-girlfriend on his computer, each folder with the name of the girl...nothing too erotic (although some are borderline), but it still hurts me.
Before I confront him with this, I was wondering what you thought. I have talked to him about things like that and he has hinted that I am too jealous or controlling and that I am invading his privace. I am not very experienced relationship-wise, so I am thinking that I may indeed be overreacting. If he says he loves me and he hints at marrying me, but he still keeps pictures of ex-girlfriends (some of them acquired recently) and he still keeps in contact with them and gives them flirty compliments, is that normal behavior, or should I be concerned?

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Ok you two need to talk! The sex tip is! Tell him its not fun uless your both willing! And to tell him the things u want to try and explore your sexuality together. And the ex girlfriend thing i knowexcatlly what your going threw and if he loves u hell respect that it hurts you and throw it out so0 you two can grow together! Also if hes young he might love u and be to dumb to really relize what hes doing to you and your relationship. Most guys are immature until there 30 or 40 but they never really grow up! That's why they need us. I hope i helped